<p>I've always known middle school was the worst.</p>
<p>Yes, and at least in our community, it not only gets better in high school, but it seems that there is a great leap forward, away from cliques/"populars" vs. not, etc. in 11th and 12th grade. Very gratifying to watch, as all the different kids become accepted for who they are and what they have to contribute rather than whether they fit some accepted mold. Of course, it's not utopia, but I see the maturity in this way, even if they still can't pick up their clothes from the floor etc.</p>
<p>It is surprising how much of the bullying is done by girls, but it can't be tolerated it hurts the kids and in the long run the bully learns to use force to solve problems and ends up in a court room. Middle school is where the action is.</p>
<p>Yes, to both. My D started to enjoy hs in 11th and particularly 12th grade. In middle school, she wasn't particularly interested in being a leader, socially or otherwise, but she emphatically wasn't a follower, either. Which left a narrow middle ground of loosely-connected loner. I'm glad she never caved to some of the peer/popular stuff but I'm know it cost her some.</p>
<p>What jmmom describes has certainly been true in my case. I was miserable for my entire middle school career, and I skipped a lot of school simply because I couldn't face going there (consequently, my marks suffered significantly). But I found that people in high school have been much nicer; I get along with mostly everybody and am generally well liked. It's just that 11-13 is a terrible age, where people haven't figured themselves out enough yet to be able to separate themselves from the mob; and the mob is always a terrible thing. As people mature and gain a sense of their own identity, it becomes less appealing to them to be a part of this horrible scene. And thank goodness for that!</p>
<p>My son was very quiet in school and had pretty much no social life with school friends from grades 7-10, although he was not the target of bullying. He seemed to blossom during his junior and senior years in h.s. and is now very social in college. He was one of the younger boys in his grade, with a September birthday, and many of the boys were much bigger than him and were interested in things (like girls) he didn't care about.</p>
<p>Rachel Simmons wrote a book called "Odd Girl Out" about the problems of girl-on-girl cruelty. The biggest problem in that context, in my opinion, is that a lot of it is, as the subtitle calls it, hidden. If girls just stop speaking to other girls and, in effect, ostracize them, there's very little "overt action" for a teacher or hall monitor to see.</p>
<p>The nursery school associated with my synagogue is having a workshop on bullying next week. It starts at a very young age.</p>
<p>It gets better because there are more groups and there is a different kind of popular and levels. Same with college b/c college gets better than high school. Same reason. Cliques always exist but they lessen as many mature and as the opportunities and places to fit in grow as well.</p>