Campbell's American Dreams--winner?

Paying for College
1

<p>I know that the deadline for the campbell's contest has passed. But, could you all please offer me some advice on my essay. Do you think that I could be in the running for the top prizes with an essay like this?</p>

<p>The notion of the American dream celebrates the many ways in which America has offered unparalleled opportunities for the triumph of its citizens. This fact is especially evidenced when I look at my parents’ American dreams while coming to this country as poor Nigerian immigrants.</p>

<p>My parents endured countless adversities to achieve their American dream. Orphaned during his teenage years, my father desperately strived to escape the brutalities of a third-world country. Life was hard for him, and he had very little to get by with. My mother experienced similar conditions. She grew up in a decrepit one-room shack. Her parents fought daily to provide their children with the most basic commodities. </p>

<p>During the mid-1960’s, the Biafran War broke out in Nigeria. Through appalling firsthand experience, my parents witnessed the brutal realities of war. They saw how the Biafran War left Nigeria in ruins: people dying in multitudes, food and water becoming scarce, and the overall Nigerian sentiment dampening. </p>

<p>Vying to escape the ravages of a war-torn Nigeria, my parents immigrated to the other side of the world with hopes of a better tomorrow. They had little money and belongings. All they essentially had was a strong work ethic and an American dream. This combination reeled them up from Nigeria’s suppressive depths of poverty, despair, and ignorance to America’s uplifting heights of affluence, optimism, and enlightenment. </p>

<p>Because of my parent’s struggles to triumph over tremendous adversity, my future is full of many opportunities. I am allowed the mental capacity to envision an American dream immensely different from that of my parents’. The struggles that I must endure to materialize my American dream are much less than my parents’ own struggles. My parents’ struggles have consequently paved the way for me to have American dreams of affluence, education, and luxury. These dreams, however, stand in stark contrast to my parents’ own dreams of just “living comfortably and becoming law-abiding citizens.” When I tell my parents that my American dream is to become a rich corporate lawyer and live in a luxurious mansion, they laugh and mockingly say, “such lofty aspirations.” But, in a land of vast opportunities such as America, I’ve realized that, with hard work and determination, few dreams are beyond one’s reach.</p>

2

<p>wtf this is almost exactly like mine...some parts are almost word for word...i knew i shouldn't have posted my essay here..</p>

3

<p>wtoodler there is no way we could have coincidently come up with something so similar...what the hell were you thinking...now youve pretty much botched all chances of either you or me winning...and i really needed this...ive never been so upset in my life</p>

4

<p>Maybe now people will stop posting their essays on the internet?</p>

5

<p>What people don't seem to realize is that there are many immigrants to the US, and many of the essays of immigrants and their children are very similar because their experiences are very similar.</p>

<p>Immigrants and their kids also tend to be very ambitious, so apply for lots of merit scholarships, etc. </p>

<p>I have seen very similar essays to Vtoodler's,dating back several years, and I am sure that Vtoodler did not steal their ideas. She simply came from a similar background, including having parents seeking the American Dream.</p>

6

<p>i didn't mean that vtoodler stole the CONTENT of my ideas...i know theres millions of immigrants out there with almost identical stories and backgrounds...what i meant was the actual sentence structure and word choice...tell me if this doesn't sound like plagiarism to you:</p>

<p>me: my mother...learned of the brutal realities of war with face-slapping first-hand experience
vtoodler: Through appalling firsthand experience, my parents witnessed the brutal realities of war.</p>

<p>me:I am allowed the mental room to stretch and envision a dream vastly different from that of my parents.
vtoodler:I am allowed the mental capacity to envision an American dream immensely different from that of my parents’</p>

<p>me:Because my parents bore the backbreaking brunt of a harsher, more obvious adversity, the possibilities for my future are endless</p>

<p>vtoodler:Because of my parent’s struggles to triumph over tremendous adversity, my future is full of many opportunities.</p>

<p>now these are only specific examples. vtoodler's essay is also almost identical in organization of thoughts, etc... </p>

<p>i know you may think im overreacting, but this is really ridiculous.</p>

7

<p>Eerily similar but most of the phrases you posted up are quite common ones when dealing with immigrants. I remember writing a couple of them myself when I applied for a program junior year. If vtoodler really plagiarized, why would she post her essay up here for you to discover? Though if I were you I would also be suspicious, think of the millions of people with the exact same story. There are only a certain amount of words to fulfill that need.</p>

8

<p>Deadhead06,
You have got to be kidding me. Plagarism?</p>

<p>Like haosquared said, if I had plagiarized, do you really think that I would openly sell myself out like that? I would have to be terribly stupid to do something like that. </p>

<p>Furthermore, the phrases that you use in your essay are quite common.</p>

<p>"the brutal realities of war"... <a href="http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&safe=off&q=%22the+brutal+realities+of+war%22%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&safe=off&q=%22the+brutal+realities+of+war%22&lt;/a> </p>

<p>A simple google search will demonstrate that over 1000 people have already used that phrase. So, it really wasn't anything unique or new.</p>

<p>“me: Because my parents bore the backbreaking brunt of a harsher, more obvious adversity, the possibilities for my future are endless</p>

<p>vtoodler: Because of my parent’s struggles to triumph over tremendous adversity, my future is full of many opportunities”</p>

<p>-MANY people have said something very similar to this. I know tons of people whose lives are much better because of their parents’ struggles. Edna Woolworth, for example. Furthermore, although these sentences have similar ideas, the wording is actually very different. </p>

<p>"some parts are almost word for word"--our essays have about 8 unique words in common. (out of almost 400) Ooh wow, that's literary theft for you!! </p>

<p>I have just read your essay, and I do find it to be a little scary that our mothers had similar life experiences by living through terrible wars. However, I don't feel that it's very fair to accuse me of the most serious academic offense just because two or three of our sentences sound vaguely similar and because our parents have strived for similar goals in life. The main idea that is expressed in both of our essays is very similar to the main ideas that have been expressed in millions of immigrant essays written throughout history. It is really nothing new. </p>

<p>When I posted my essay here, I did so with the intent of getting feedback on it and satisfying your curiosity. (Do you remember asking me, "hey btw can i read your essay? just curious..".) I never thought that I would be bombarded with these cutting accusations. As for both of our chances being "botched"--I seriously doubt that. I think that the Campbells' people have enough sense to know that many people will have similar life experiences and, thus, similar American dreams. They won’t toss your, or my, essay because of this obvious fact. So rest assured.</p>

<p>Anyways, good luck with your essay.</p>

9

<p>ummm...will a sorry suffice? yeah i guess i did overreact....hope you didn't take too much offense. thanks for responding tho, considering how mean i was being. it's just that i heard of people plagiarizing on this site, and i was not warned not to post an essay until AFTER i posted it, so as you can imagine i was a little paranoid. sorry for the trouble i caused you...didnt mean to insult ya </p>

<p>peace</p>

10

<p>Well.....I think it is funny that you'll are dancing around the issue, but you'll don't realize whats happenin! Deadman u were releaved to hear that so many people used those phrases, and the google search made you happy and quelled your fears of plagarism!! What you'll dont realize is that these common phrases are not going to help you'll win scholarships!!! Campbell's is giving out thousands of dollars, so your essay better be good and ORIGINAL! Cliches may make sense and convey thoughts, but they are unorignial and unimpressive. Dazzle the judges with something new, not your personal spin on another generic experience. </p>

<p>And if all else fails.....make something up!!!</p>

11

<p>I agree, laterdaysluke, I should have created an essay that was more memorable and less generic. something that would really stand out. </p>

<p>anyways
deadhead06---no probs man. it's all good. I've had people, even my so-called friends, steal my stuff many times. When they do this, it really cuts deep. It's like a stab in the back. So, I can understand your anger. peace</p>

12

<p>luke,</p>

<p>both you and vtoodler are right...should have submitted something more original...i did try to put a creative spin on what i thought was the unusual circumstances of my folks, but alas i was wrong i guess. but nehow this is what i ended up sending. tell me if it sounds trite to you (just curious)</p>

<pre><code>Dreams are glass dollhouses, delicate little curiosities that can attract the attention of onlookers, but are best admired from afar. The only one who should approach the house is the keeper, who tends to its meticulous demands-- a little dusting here, a little polish there. The proverbial American Dream is no different. It needs the concentrated effort of a single individual to keep it alive and glowing, but the liberating environment that maintains it is what makes the dream possible.
</code></pre>

<p>The blueprint for my own dreams was really drawn out in response to my parents’ accomplishments. They lived the age-old saying, “Whatever doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger.” My dad, a poor Oklahoman farm boy turn high-profile businessman, struggled tirelessly under the frowning shadow of parental disapproval and a demoralizing bout with bipolar disorder that nearly destroyed him. He virtually went through the mouth of hell and back in order to achieve the American Dream he envisioned—an escape from circumstances that would have otherwise trapped him in a vicious cycle of ignorance and apathy. </p>

<p>My mother, daughter of a Pakistani revolutionary, learned of the brutal realities of war with face-slapping, first-hand experience. The literal struggle for her very survival gave her the wherewithal to aspire for anything—even if that meant traveling the expanse of continents and oceans, leaving all that she knew and loved, to realize it in a country that wouldn’t immediately accept her, a scorned “Paki”, in the first place.<br>
Because my parents bore the backbreaking brunt of a harsher, more obvious adversity, I can afford a limitless dream free from the burdens of race, class, and money. America is a changing nation that is essentially a cosmic idea founded on the toilers of its underbelly, a place my parents knew well. Because of America’s ever-changing character, I am allowed the mental room to stretch and envision a dream vastly different from that of my parents. I see my life how painter James Whistler saw art—something that is shaped for its own sake, not manufactured as a cog in some career-driven machinery. </p>

<p>The struggles that I must endure in order to attain my American dream are consequently much subtler than my parents’. I must assimilate myself into a society where fierce competition is the norm, where someone’s “good” simply isn’t “good enough”. Ironically, my success lies in curbing society’s obsession with success. My goal is to learn for the love of it, not for what learning may bring me. I hope to accomplish my goal by attending a college that will stimulate my curiosity and by traveling, not as a tourist, but as a citizen of the world in search of my own identity, thus restoring America’s heritage as a nation that puts individuality first. What may result from this goal in terms of a job or career path is only of secondary importance. This is my glass dollhouse. Lofty? Sure. Too idealistic? Some would say so. Impossible? In America, definitely not. </p>

<p>ps im glad were cool vtoodler</p>