I’m sorry, but that’s BS… Whether you agree with it or not, the facts show that the Ivies and other elite colleges are very much responsible for fueling the fire when it comes to setting unreasonably stringent admissions standards. Mental health problems are rampant at many of these schools, and instead of addressing the root of the problem (like any responsible organization would do), they choose to take the low-road and simply make it easier for students to receive mental health therapy.
I understand where all this is coming from. I struggled with anxiety this past year myself. I am going to be a senior in high school this coming year. I took 5 APs this year, played two varsity sports, was in multiple clubs, math team, 4 choral groups, theater troupe, middle school mentor, and a bunch of other stuff and eventually I just shut down. I started refusing to go to school and not completing my homework. I was sent straight to the ER from school one day because I visited the school psychologist about self-harm. I felt like if I wasn’t the perfect, ivy-bound student, then I was trash. I had to miss 26 days of school.
It’s really getting hard for us because teachers expect that we go home and do homework, meanwhile due to sports and rehearsals and meetings and other commitments many of us don’t come home until around 10pm, then we get say an hour of homework per class so if we have 6 classes that’s 6 hours, and then we have to study for SATs or APs and if you don’t take APs you’re not “rigorous enough”, but if you take APs and don’t do well you’re just “not smart enough”. If you study a lot then you have “weak extra-curriculars” but if you’re really sports centered you have “low grades”. And may the lord have mercy on your soul if you haven’t founded a club or done community service.
I am estimated to be in the top 2% of kids my age in terms of natural ability, but I am still having great difficulty finding a good college that is realistic for me to be accepted to because I’m not a world champion at anything. Here is the link to my college search thread by the way if anyone wants to help out.
The quest for, and pressure of, perfectionism is a serious issue. But IMO the article does a disservice by linking that issue to suicide. Students who end their lives do so for many different reasons, or for no discernible reason. It may be planned, or it may be impulsive. While a quest for perfectionism may play a part in some, this journalist to me seems to be comingling two very serious issues, and offers little data showing a correlation.
In parent meetings following two local student suicides, psychologists indicated a number of areas of concern, including: increased lethality in attempts by females, easy access to weapons as a means of completion, and the proven phenomenon of “contagion,” with subsequent attempts by those not necessarily from the victim’s innermost circle, but by those who had a loose connection, such as being in the same school. Depression is an area of concern, as is the issue of sexuality (one student died after a failed relationship).
I think an issue this serious is best tackled by experts rather than journalists.
Theoretically, there is an infinite amount of work you could do towards your goals. So if you do a lot but not everything possible (i.e. infinitely many things), then you set yourself up to be a failure by your own arbitrary standards.
A more sane strategy is to put in a good, solid, respectable effort and, as the saying goes, let the cards fall as they may. If you aren’t dedicating your life to pleasing a selections committee that will reject 95% of people, your self-confidence won’t depend so strongly on whether or not they happen to look your way. Ivies have their advantages but their merits are severely overvalued.
The “pressure of perfection” is instilled by parents; not university environments. There are plenty of high-achieving HS/college students who are somehow not chronically anxious about their academic performance.
Really, the entire culture plays a part. During my own HS experience, the school system (the administration and the peers as well) did more to propagate the idea of “do everything as prescribed to have academic success” than my parents ever did. In retrospect, the way that that system was built seems quite shallow and short-sighted, but who can really blame HS freshmen for being unsure of themselves?
I think it’s also because of how competitive the schools are. People who get into Penn and the like were probably the absolute best kids of their class. They probably never got any B’s.
However, at Penn, it’s thousands of those kids. If you were a straight A student your whole life, it would probably hurt a lot to get an F on a test, or a C in the class (even though that’s perfectly normal).
I had a friend who later went to CalTech. He later committed suicide perhaps because of the extremely competitive environment there. In high school he earned a 4.0, while in CalTech, he probably collapsed mentally when he received a C or even a B (even when getting a 3.5 GPA overall for the year is very impressive at Caltech).
A lot of the students who go to these schools aren’t used to ever being second, and when they’re all of a sudden in the middle of the pack, it really takes a toll on some people.
" I doubt it is endemic to the Ivy league - we have a generation of Peter Pan children who have yet to grow up living on our college campuses.
I’m sorry, but that’s BS… Whether you agree with it or not, the facts show that the Ivies and other elite colleges are very much responsible for fueling the fire when it comes to setting unreasonably stringent admissions standards. Mental health problems are rampant at many of these schools, and instead of addressing the root of the problem (like any responsible organization would do), they choose to take the low-road and simply make it easier for students to receive mental health therapy. "
Sorry, THIS is BS. The basic epidemiology of suicide hasn’t changed much since we were in college- easy access to guns and drugs by people with suicidal ideation can make a failed suicide attempt into a successful one- but the notion that the Ivy League has created a suicidal student body is a convenient fiction which gets clicks and “sells newspapers” as they used to say in the old days…
Mental health problems are rampant EVERYWHERE. Talk to a military chaplain about what they see on base with 19 and 20 year olds. These are not college kids- these are just kids.
I had a suicidal roommate Freshman year (this was in the early 1970’s btw). The only difference between then and now is that a kid with serious mental health issues managed to get through HS without any professional intervention whatsoever, and the clueless parents somehow thought that a college dorm would be a “safety net”.
And the VAST majority of kids in America- most of whom know nothing about the Ivy League, nor do they care about its admission standards- would find it hilarious that their mental health issues are being connected to what happens at Penn or Dartmouth.
Developmentally these older teen years (college age whether you are in school or not) are transition years when young people are becoming adults and establishing identities of their own. There are a lot of pressures to be successful socially, academically etc. If kids are taught to be flexible and adapt and have better self awareness about the changes they are experiencing, perhaps they will have the tools to navigate multiple tasks involved in growing up and reaching their personal goals.
A disturbing thing about the runner young lady at Penn who successfully committed suicide is that she posted something on social media with herself looking happy, which absolutely did not reflect how she was really feeling. This need to always be shown in the best light (that perfection thing) even when internally she must have been in utter despair-somehow we need to do a better job to help people be who they are and express themselves more realistically. We are not all in a movie or something constantly having our makeup readjusted by a team of cosmeticians but we are real people with real flaws and real feelings.
Yet one more reason that sports and other activities are good.
I got a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye after reading how Ms. DeWitt’s roommate took the initiative to intervene on her behalf. She may have saved her life.
Kinda surprised at the fact that App State has had multiple suicides…
Also, they forgot to mention that Northeastern University had a suicide this year - a kid in an acapella group.
Sorry @oldfort but that simply isn’t true. The suicide rate has been relatively constant over the past 40 years in teens. Your generation committed suicide as often as this generation, it just wasn’t as commonly reported back then.
I would not call this the result of being in a Peter Pan culture, @momofthreeboys. Rather, I think it is that we live in a “fame” culture, where being anything less than number one makes you a loser. The cultural pressure to be the best at everything is especially hard on gifted kids, who often have issues with perfectionism to begin with. But it’s also hard on kids who just want to get through high school, because they are taught that being average is somehow wrong. One of my daughter’s friends from high school used to call the family minivan the “SPED bus” because in her mind, not taking honors classes was just like being in special ed in our high-pressure district.
Like @hiislandmom , I do think I inadvertently contributed to my daughter’s perfectionism by praising her achievements and thus reinforcing their importance. If I could take back my words, I would.
As far as colleges go, I don’t know the right approach to handling a suicide on campus. I know that high schools have found that downplaying them and offering counseling is more effective than huge community vigils, prayer meetings, etc., at preventing clusters.
Last year, there was a suicide at Wellesley College. It was never in the media. We only knew about it from the president’s email to all parents (she never specified that it was a suicide, but those who knew the student knew that it was, and the language of the email left little doubt.) There was a memorial service on campus, then silence. As far as I know, there were no other suicides. The college’s approach seems to have been effective at preventing another one, but it’s hard to know whether this is always the right approach.
No, they’re not “rampant” everywhere. They exist everywhere, but in fact the issue is far more prevalent at elite schools than at non-elite schools. The proof is in the numbers… Mental health problems are [two to five times more prevalent](http://www.ilaaup.org/Fall201410.asp) at competitive high schools across the country.
While I agree that the elite schools themselves are not the cause of the problem, they, along with parents, are certainly responsible for perpetuating the problem.
The good professor you cite is many things- but a mental health professional or epidemiologist he is not.
Mental health problems are rampant everywhere, and if you don’t believe that you live in a lovely bubble. There is zero evidence that this is a problem of the elite. Early and/or more aggressive diagnosis and treatment is likely at an elite school- go interview single moms in homeless shelters if you want to hear about undiagnosed depression and/or suicidal ideation.
You are drinking the kool aid if you think this is a problem about Princeton and Harvard. The most recent suicides in my region of young people were the opposite of Princeton/Harvard. A kid living on mom’s couch playing video games for two years after HS graduation. Parents in deep denial over his mental health issues, no evidence of treatment although the HS guidance counselor was quoted in the local paper saying she tried to get him referrals. A few returning veterans- not clear whether substance abuse played a role. A young woman who likely had been bullied- but not a superstar performer academically.
What perpetuates the problem is the demonization of mental health treatment, that someone suffering from a clinical depression needs to 'tough it out" or snap out of it. The statistics do not bear out your claim- and Deresewicz is an awfully strange source to cite on this issue.
One of out of four people develops a mental illness. I’d say that’s pretty rampant.
A lot of blames here for parents. While some parents do deserve some blame, any parent who has a gifted child knows that perfectionism is a common trait in gifted children. Gifted children push themselves harder than anyone can ever push them. As parents often all we could do is try to talk them off the ledge if they don’t get that A or win something…sometimes even a board game for crying out loud!
Perfectionism and depression also often go hand in hand. These are common traits that plague highly gifted children. There’s also that saying, To whom much is given, much is expected. When a child shows exceptional talent since a young age, be it in piano/violin, sports and/or academics, expectations begin to build, not just from the parents but also their teachers, coaches, peers and most of all, themselves. If they fall short, they are often considered not living up to their potential.
Society makes it worse. All the college rankings, the focus on a few top schools, the IB diploma that calls for kids to start planning their classes in 8th grade(but really it starts before then, in 6th grade) so they even have any chance of getting into a top school, the holistic admission that focuses so much on ECs on top of academics. All that makes it so much worse.
The US population has grown by 100m since 1980, but most top colleges have not expanded their freshman class. They still have the same number of slots. Add to that the 2.5Billion people in China and India who are increasingly able to afford our colleges, and the result is a feeding frenzy. This will only get worse as more and more highly educated immigrants from those 2 countries continue to immigrate to the US. Many expect their children to become even more successful than they are and push them to excel academically. The competition for top schools will only get worse.
Our media isn’t helping at all. Anytime you read about colleges in the NYT or WSJ, it’s almost always about an elite school. The only time state schools get mentioned is about football, or basketball, or some incident like mass shooting or fraternity problems. Hate to say it but websites like CC also adds to the feeding frenzy.
What can’t go on forever, won’t. I believe technology will change things up, and the sooner the better. Already IT is leveling the playing field. Most IT employers hire CS majors from state schools. The top feeder schools to Microsoft and Amazon are UW-Seattle and Washington State, the top feeder school to Apple is San Jose State; UCB is a top feeder school to both Google and Facebook. More and more kids are going into tech straight out of high school, bypassing college altogether. Eventually, MOOCs will find a way to grant meaningful certificates that are accepted by employers in lieu of a college diploma. When that happens, many brick and mortar colleges will collapse along with US News rankings. For the sake of our collective sanity, I hope that happens sooner rather than later.
We’re in a college arms race. Kids + parents find themselves arming themselves for the battle that occurs their senior year of high school. It’s awful. It’s why I found Frank Bruni’s “Where You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be” so compelling. It’s a call to de-escalate the college arms race. There really are excellent paths forward without the ludicrous pressure we see today to get into the “right” college.
There are numerous scholarly articles on how to put the brakes on young child that have perfectionist tendencies…H and I and the teachers had to curb this in our third when it manifested itself starting around first or second grade and he slowly managed to dial it all back to an acceptable level. I do to some extent believe that in some cases parents do not help, because they secretly champion perfectionist tendencies in their kids…and in some ways it does get “rewarded” these days - better to have a perfectly behaved, perfect scoring, never make any mistake kiddo, than be the parent of the smart, rebellious youth who is constantly pushing boundaries and testing their wings.
Regardless, I do think too many kids go off to college perhaps with the academics under their belt, but sadly, sadly lacking in inner fortitude. I would guess bi-polar and other mental illnesses are running normative to earlier generations - if those kids even got to college - so we’re seeing more kids that in previous generations would not have attempted college ending up in colleges due to supports not previously in place during the K-12 years. Or kids that were fine on meds in high school, but stop taking them when they get to college…I’m sure there are many reasons if one stops to think.