“The idea of doing any EC which they have a “passion” for is completely alien to 99.9% of US high school students! They don’t even know what that means. They do whatever will meet their passion for admittance into college. It’s never about enjoyment. It’s always about being the best, winning awards and putting in an excessive number of hours, in order to impress admissions”
That’s just silly and out of touch. The majority of hs students who are planning to attend are attending local schools driven primarily by cost, proximity to home, and perhaps availability of a specific major. ECs aren’t even part of the application and if they are its not necessary for them to be award-winning. So they most certainly can play soccer or work on the school newspaper for enjoyment. Please stop acting as though the majority of US hs students are aiming for top schools and therefore pursue ECs at award winning levels.
Agreed with Pizzagirl. Cupcake, I’ve enjoyed reading your posts in the past. I’m not sure if you were quoting someone else or expressing your own viewpoints, but your cynicism seems a little uncalled for.
I think 99% of high school students * do * follow their passions. They find activities they enjoy doing and others to do it with. Most students outside the realm of CC—and many within—live for things other than their resumes.
I think there are a lot of different issues raised by both the NYT article and this thread. Suicide is a devastating problem in this country and one that we are having trouble addressing. The quest for perfection and the stress of high school and college undoubtedly contribute to some of these occurrences. We must also consider the reality that we have a shortage of child psychiatrists and that despite the mental health parity law, insurers still often resist covering costs for mental health care deemed necessary by treating psychiatrists. If we recognize mental health issues as important, we need to encourage more medical students to enter psychiatry (perhaps by addressing inequities of income between different types of physicians) and start enforcing the mental health parity law.
With respect to perfectionism, I think it is a problem that parents can address by trying to relieve pressure on their children. However, I always find it ironic when I read articles where college professors or administrators complain that students are overly connected to parents, incapable of independence and self-care, and/or lacking the desire or initiative to take intellectual risks. I believe that the current elite admissions criteria demand an extremely high level of parental involvement for most. Kids don’t typically become champion horse back riders, award winning oboists, top science prize winners, etc. without a parent that started encouraging these interests when the child was young and who actively supported those talents. Similar to the trend of homework in kindergarten – most 5 year olds can’t organize and complete homework themselves. We have a culture that starts enmeshing parents and children at a young age and then continues to demand that entanglement for those who want their children to matriculate at a Harvard or Stanford. Of course, there are the exceptions. But for most non URM students who acquire the resume necessary to find their way to the top elite college, you are going to see an overly involved parent. If colleges don’t want a class filled with those tethered kids (which I don’t think they should), they need to re-think their evaluative process.
One of the most interesting things I have read about the case about Madison is in the discussion of social media. I see it in my DD who will begin her freshman year in just about 2 weeks. She’s not so concerned with keeping up academically, she very confident in that regard. It’s the issue of perfection in social media. DD would never post a photo of herself on Instagram of her looking average. She’d wait until she took a great selfie, was someplace cool, or was with a big group of people. Her posts show fun, friends, travel and looking good. A few days ago, she was quite sad about something and she said she was worried about making a good first impression in college. She’s planning outfits and makeup. The world of social media shows such perfection that these girls struggle to keep up. What they don’t see is anyone’s boredom, bad hair days, average life. I so worry about her trying to “keep up”. (Believe me, we talk a lot about social media, perfection, being yourself, etc, etc. I remind her that her friends’ posts from other schools will look like they are having more fun, have made more friends… doing better than her.) The struggle is real!
I see a lot of moms posting on here – and I can’t speak for all of you – but in general, y’all are the ones that contribute to behavior and psychological problems like DeWitt’s. My mom didn’t know what college confidential is when I applied three years ago, and she still has no clue to this day. It was kind of nice doing what I thought was best for me, and not having a mom with 1000 posts on college confidential breathing down my neck and checking my Harvard application every 2 hours. I don’t want my post to be misinterpreted as applying to all of you, but it’s something I really think y’all should consider.
COUNTLESS kids benefit EVERY DAY from the advice, support, and information imparted by the parents on this site. If you didn’t take advantage of that, too bad for you, but there’s no need to disparage an entire group of people for spending their precious time voluntarily helping freaked-out kids like you and me. So I don’t want my post to be misinterpreted, but you should consider not being so rude.
Cornell does not have an unusually high suicide rate. It just has more conspicuous suicides because of the bridges over the gorges. Or maybe I should say that it used to. There are high fences on the bridges now and nets underneath them.
“Rude” is not an appropriate word for the situation. But I think the “rude” person is the one causing depression and anxiety, even though it’s almost always unintentional.
Much depression and anxiety in young people is biologically based. A parent doesn’t “cause” it (unless you consider passing on the genes to be a cause). A parent may exacerbate symptoms, however.
"We have a culture that starts enmeshing parents and children at a young age and then continues to demand that entanglement for those who want their children to matriculate at a Harvard or Stanford. "
Mainstream American culture is NOT about promoting academics or the aspiration to go to Harvard et al. The popular kid is the one who plays football, dates the pretty cheerleader and does respectably but not brilliantly in class. Not the brilliant academic who is off to Harvard.
@MidwestDad3 I don’t think it’s necessary to read research papers. Of course depression and anxiety are biologically based, but I think we would agree that anyone has the capacity for depression. I think you’re missing the point.
In the vast majority of cases I don’t think a parent “causes” depression any more than a parent “causes” cancer. We’ll just have to disagree on this one.
Anyone who thinks that a majority of HS students are doing EC’s to get into college seriously needs to get out of his/her bubble and see what this country is REALLY like.
In my town (in the middle of the allegedly college crazed Northeast) teachers moan that they can’t get kids to stick around the building after school in order to participate in yearbook, student newspaper, math league, etc. Kids race out of the building the second the day is over; the ones from affluent families spend the afternoon “hanging out”, texting, taking selfies of themselves with their buddies doing goofy things or doing nothing. The ones from non-affluent families head to Target or the local pizza places where they fold towels, restock shelves, take orders, mop the floors. Ain’t nobody gunning for Harvard or Yale and doing phoney baloney EC’s to make that happen.
You guys clearly live in MUCH more affluent places than most of the people in America if you seriously think that loading up on EC’s is a big problem which much be addressed. Make friends with a teacher in Newark NJ or Bridgeport CT and ask them about the pressures their students face.
I don’t know that we have to get tied up in knots because Atherton CA is a competitive place where tiny houses cost a million bucks and kids think they’re a complete failure if they don’t get into Stamford or Cal Tech. If you live in a place like that and your kids are facing this kind of pressure- guess what- move. Most people in America would think you are from Mars if you told them that THIS is what they worry about.
And hey- the children of the non-affluent kill themselves every day. It’s just not as newsworthy,