I was wondering if a college reject/rescind me when someone tries to sabotage me? I’m in high school and of course and kids in HS will literally joke/ make fun at anything (dark, offensive jokes). Unfortunately I am one of those kids, and I have made some inappropriate jokes (only on text, not public social media).
I truly regret doing so (as I was a dumb kid), because I am worried that people will screenshot some of the things I said before and send them to admission offices. Of course, I did not mean anything that I said before (as I only said them as a joke, not literal) and I tried cleaning it up by deleting as many of the texts I’ve sent. But I still am worried that someone has a screenshot of that, or they may screenshot a message that I haven’t deleted yet.
I can’t help you, but I will say that I don’t think saying “kids will be kids” is a valid excuse. Why do you think you really said these things? How bad were they, that you now are worried about them? If they were not so bad, don’t worry, but if they were, maybe you should be held accountable.
Of course. I’m not blaming anyone but me for my actions, but I didn’t really worry about it because pretty much everyone at my school is like that (at least my group of friends). We really just texted via Discord and we made jokes about sort of homophobic and racist jokes. I say “sort of” because all of us knew that we were only joking and in fact, we hated racist/ homophobic people. This is why we only made these types of jokes in our own chats, and never publicly on any social media (Instagram, Twitter, etc.). I only start to worry about this now, because I know some individuals that are envious of me in our friend group (I had good grades and was always liked by people) and I fear that they may decide to sabotage me when I apply to college.
I wouldn’t call it sabotage if someone notified a college about something you did. Unfortunately, way too many people say or do inappropriate things and when caught, say it was a joke or they didn’t mean it. That excuse doesn’t fly.
The scenario you ask about does happen but here’s the thing - they would not be lying or making something up. My great aunt used to have a saying: Say it, forget it but write it, regret it.
Compromising your own beliefs and morals to fit in with “friends” never works out well. You can try and make excuses that everyone else was saying it or it can be that you weren’t joking. Either way, it isn’t a good look for you. At some point, you either need to stand up for your own beliefs or own your mistakes (which is not using the term sabotage in your narrative).
Do you think a person you know will contact the colleges? Doubt that.
But someone may look at social media accounts in your name in the future (like potential employers, or maybe grad school admissions) and YOUR comments won’t be viewed positively.
First of all, the person trying to sabotage you would need to know all the colleges you are applying to. So don’t tell people where you are applying.
Next, the person would need to convincingly present evidence to a skeptical admissions officer that proves beyond a shadow or doubt that you texted/posted these things. And of course, the admissions officer will first wonder about the motive of the person trying to sabotage you. Has THAT person applied to XYZ University? What does that say about HIM? The saboteur runs the risk of tanking his own app. They most likely aren’t going to take an anonymous complaint seriously. If it was from and guidance counselor, etc… you might be in trouble though.
Is it likely that anyone will try to do this to you? No. Have you made enemies? You might want to use this time to ensure your app is 100% correct, and maybe apologize to a few people if it’s warranted. Then, you need to ensure your social media is spotless. Can they check? Yes, but do they is another story.
Many kids fret about this type of scenario. It’s highly unlikely anyone is going to try this, but just remember that the internet is forever.
Says to me that your repentance is…incomplete. Your logic seems to be 'it’s ok to make racist/homophobic jokes as long as you don’t think that you actually are a racist/homophobe and only do it with friends who all agree with you". I’m betting that I can make some assumptions about who your “group of friends” are - and aren’t. And I’m also betting that some of the people who aren’t in your “group of friends” might differ with your self-assessment as not being racist/homophobic.
Being scared that past behaviour might get in the way of getting you want can focus the mind. Use the opportunity to do more than learn to be careful what you put on the internet.
Ideally you will live your life with integrity or at a minimum live it as if someone is always watching.
You will likely be fine but over the long haul such indiscretions and or abhorrent views will deservedly catch up to you. Learn and move on as a better person.
Ok just interjecting to say you aren’t the first kid to do dumb things, and you won’t be the last. Learn from this, don’t do it again. Modern communications makes doing stupid things amplified, unfortunately. But kids, who lack a fully developed prefrontal cortex,have made bad decisions for millenia.
I don’t think this is likely to happen to you but agree with Lindagaf and Stalecookies. If you are really worried that someone is going to do this then the best way to defend this is with an under the radar total information blackout. This includes not sharing admissions details with your close friends before, during or after the process. Hope you have learned your lesson and you grow into a more tolerant person.
I appreciate the dialogue thus far, and appreciate you taking some responsibility here. However, I am a therapist in private practice and want to tell you a story:
There is an analogy of a blank piece of paper that is flat and smooth, when you crumple it into a ball and then attempt to make it flat and smooth again, it just doesn’t go back the same.
Words are like that.
You can’t take them back, the hurt they cause are there and especially if directed at someone. Yes, you were saying these things in private, but they are out there and the attitudes and thoughts affect others. Someone who makes homophobic statements acts in a homophobic manner.
I have spent my career cleaning up messes caused by such comments.
I echo “integrity is what you do when no one is watching”. Now that there is a chance that someone (an AO) is watching - it just NOW bothers you? Please grow, please understand that you matter (hurt people hurt people). I wish you the best in your journey.
I also doubt anyone will contact them but I still just get a bit paranoid thinking about it. Also I use an alias on the internet and don’t put my name in usernames. Thanks for replying!
I’m still trying to work on myself and trying to find better people to surround myself with, but it’s still been difficult for me. Thank you for replying and I will definitely try my best!
I don’t plan on sharing that information with anyone, but they may (or may not) go to the same school as me. But I do plan to change myself for the better and I appreciate you for replying!
I do not plan on telling anyone where I am going for college, but the people that might “sabotage” me may go to the same school as me. I don’t use my name in anything online (I use a made-up username) and I guess there is technically no way to prove that it was me that said those things, but I still am a bit paranoid thinking about it. I never say any of these things on public social media and only say it in group chats as well. I’m going to try and make better friends/ surround myself in a more positive environment and hopefully reconcile with the people that dislike me. I really appreciate you replying and helping me out!