<p>I have a friend who is really smart (1450 old SAT) and will be going to an elite college in the fall. Unforunately, she is very shy and quiet. She would only talk to people whom she knows well. Now, she is so worried if she could make friends and be accepted by her future classmates. Since I am one of her best friends, I really want to help her out.</p>
<p>So any comments?</p>
<p>I would advise her to join a group or club. When I went to college, I was also very shy. I joined a sorority and made friends that I still have today (over 20 years later). It was a very positive social experience for me. Your friend may not want to go Greek, but there are many other groups/clubs of various interests on college campuses. She should be able to find one (or more!) that align with her interests. :)</p>
<p>I can envision myself in your friend's position. </p>
<p>That's why I've decided to push myself. Scared/shy or not, I'm trying to be more outgoing and tomorrow I'll be running for VP of French Honor society. </p>
<p>I have some advice to offer your friend even if I'm not a parent. Firstly, when she gets to college she will realize something - she gets a new slate - tabula rasa. She will find it a lot easier to open up. What I suggest is that she opens up to challenges immediately, that she tries to behave as though she never had this problem.</p>
<p>That is what will solve it for her. To begin with, once it becomes the status quo that she is not a shy person, she will realize how much easier it is to continue being that person..</p>
<p>As for me, I wish I could be given a new slate. Unfortunately, that is not so. It is infinitely more difficult to change when things have already been so well established. Your friend will do fine in college. Just remember - the moment she gets there, act like the person she envisions herself to be.</p>
<p>Time can change everything. She will never be a shy person if she join clubs as what ArkansasMom said. The point is to let her never think she is a shy person herself.</p>
<p>She would do great at a small school with great academics like Rice. What school is she going to?</p>
<p>honestly i think putting them in a small school has its disadvantage, because then everyone will know them as the shy kid, a shy person does'nt come out from their shyness by being in a small environment, nor a large environment. it's a thing they have to do on their own.</p>
<p>i'm saying this because i go to a college that has a population of 1500 or less. and for this one girl it's like she can't carry on a conversatoin and it's hard for her to find someone she fits in with. yes people approach her to try to be her friends, but "SHE" is the problem, not the people around her.</p>
<p>I would think at a larger school she'll at least find a friend or two in a school where the student body consists of 10K or more students.</p>
<p>If you can survive in high school you can survive in college. High school is a much more socially-intense experience than college is. In college there is a niche for everyone -- it's just a question of finding it.</p>
<p>advise your friend that she should take advantage of the counseling services at her college. Many colleges offer free or low-cost counseling, groups for people looking to improve their social skills, etc. Even this summer she can read books about making friends, starting conversations, etc; she doesn't need to become the life of the party, but can try to build a foundation. The reason I say this is there's a window the first month or two at college when people are more open to making new friends than perhaps any other time; all the frosh are new, concerned about the transition to college, and don't have a social network in place yet. So that's a golden opportunity for her to meet new friends without having to have the more advanced social skills it would take to work her way into a more established group of friends.</p>
<p>shy people should visit colleges of various types (large, small, LAC, etc) to see what is right for them. My personal opinion is that a large school may not be a good fit; the classes the first 2 years (or all years, depending on major) tend to be large, often 100 or more and its easy to sit in class, take notes, and never meet another soul in the class. </p>
<p>There is a lot of info on the web about shyness; one resource is <a href="http://www.shyness.com/%5B/url%5D">http://www.shyness.com/</a></p>
<p>The one I am talking about will be going to MIT this fall. The other one who is less shy and smart will be going to U. Rochester..</p>
<p>SO how do you guys think now?</p>
<p>I would just add one thing -- remind your friend that everyone will be starting out at the college with few or no friends or acquaintances. If she can begin with the attitude that every new person she meets can be a friend, or at least someone she is friendly with, that is half the battle.</p>
<p>My daughter was very shy, particularly before heading to college. But she found it very easy to make friends just by talking to classmates, people in her dorm, etc., joining a few activities, and the like. She had to push herself, but somehow I was able to convince her that people aren't usually sitting there evaluating other people (what they look like, what they say, etc.). People are usually worried about whether other people like THEM. </p>
<p>Facebook is also great. Kids can look up those in their classes or activities, ask to be on their friend list, send emails to try to set up study sessions or study breaks, etc. Sending emails can sometimes be an easier start for a shy person.</p>
<p>An additional idea is to tell her to try acting as if she weren't shy, in one social setting at a time. Once she experiences success, she will find that there is nothing to fear. If you control how you act, your attitudes can then fall in line. You may not be able to make yourself feel a certain way, but you can make yourself act a certain way. This is what worked with me -- I started out painfully shy but chose that I didn't want to act that way or live that way once I went to college.</p>
<p>I agree with coureur that it will be much easier than at high school. At MIT, students will not waste time judging other students, forming cliques, etc. She should join a few activities that she genuinely likes. She should try to be active in her dorm- volunteer for a couple of things. My complaint about college and grad school was that people were always too busy- many of my friends were reluctant to do much. But there were always a lot of opportunities to chat. I should have joined more organized activities, since I seemed to want more social life than most people. At a place like MIT, there should be a lot of academic/social things going on too- once she settles into a major on a serious level. In grad school, I found that many people were department-bound- would always go to post lecture dinners, department picnics, etc, but would not allocate the time to other activities not related to the department.</p>
<p>She might find with the folks going to MIT she might be the social one. Don't mean to be snide ... but my niece got a PhD in astronomy. She said she found it amazing that she ended up being the one with the social skills! </p>
<p>Seriously, your friend is going to find herself around people who are interested in the same sort of things she is, something she could well have lacked in high school. This can make it much easier.</p>
<p>yeah she can survive. i was a lot alike, and still am in many ways. i was always putting myself outside my comfort zone to try and alleviate this "problem" i had. long story short, it works -- went to a party one night and had the time of my life (both in general amusement and success with the fairer sex)</p>
<p>one of my buddy's at MIT isn't exactly socially enept, quite the contrary. but he's very, VERY quirky.</p>
<p>oh, and if she's cute... my number is 555-5555.
if she can pull off the shy but cute act, she won't have any problems whatsoever, because she will be approached, especially at a place like MIT.</p>