Can anybody grade my SAT Essay?

It is from the essay about Paul Bogard’s article “Let There Be dark”
Prompt:
You can select text to highlight it. (Desktop/laptop only) As you read the passage below, consider how Paul Bogard uses evidence, such as facts and examples, to support claims reasoning to develop ideas and to connect claims and evidence stylistic or persuasive elements, such as word choice or appeals to emotion, to add power to the idea expressed Adapted from Paul Bogard, “Let There Be Dark.” © 2012 by Los Angeles Times. Beginning of reading passage. At my family’s cabin on a Minnesota lake, I knew woods so dark that my hands disappeared before my eyes. I knew night skies in which meteors left smoky trails across sugary spreads of stars. But now, when 8 of 10 children born in the United States will never know a sky dark enough for the Milky Way, I worry we are rapidly losing night’s natural darkness before realizing its worth. This winter solstice, as we cheer the days’ gradual movement back toward light, let us also remember the irreplaceable value of darkness. All life evolved to the steady rhythm of bright days and dark nights. Today, though, when we feel the closeness of nightfall, we reach quickly for a light switch. And too little darkness, meaning too much artificial light at night, spells trouble for all. Already the World Health Organization classifies working the night shift as a probable human carcinogen, and the American Medical Association has voiced its unanimous support for “light pollution reduction efforts and glare reduction efforts at both the national and state levels.” Our bodies need darkness to produce the hormone melatonin, which keeps certain cancers from developing, and our bodies need darkness for sleep. Sleep disorders have been linked to diabetes, obesity, cardiovascular disease and depression, and recent research suggests one main cause of “short sleep” is “long light.” Whether we work at night or simply take our tablets, notebooks and smartphones to bed, there isn’t a place for this much artificial light in our lives. The rest of the world depends on darkness as well, including nocturnal and crepuscular species of birds, insects, mammals, fish and reptiles. Some examples are well known—the 400 species of birds that migrate at night in North America, the sea turtles that come ashore to lay their eggs—and some are not, such as the bats that save American farmers billions in pest control and the moths that pollinate 80% of the world’s flora. Ecological light pollution is like the bulldozer of the night, wrecking habitat and disrupting ecosystems several billion years in the making. Simply put, without darkness, Earth’s ecology would collapse… In today’s crowded, louder, more fast-paced world, night’s darkness can provide solitude, quiet and stillness, qualities increasingly in short supply. Every religious tradition has considered darkness invaluable for a soulful life, and the chance to witness the universe has inspired artists, philosophers and everyday stargazers since time began. In a world awash with electric light . . . how would Van Gogh have given the world his “Starry Night”? Who knows what this vision of the night sky might inspire in each of us, in our children or grandchildren? Yet all over the world, our nights are growing brighter. In the United States and Western Europe, the amount of light in the sky increases an average of about 6% every year. Computer images of the United States at night, based on NASA photographs, show that what was a very dark country as recently as the 1950s is now nearly covered with a blanket of light. Much of this light is wasted energy, which means wasted dollars. Those of us over 35 are perhaps among the last generation to have known truly dark nights. Even the northern lake where I was lucky to spend my summers has seen its darkness diminish. It doesn’t have to be this way. Light pollution is readily within our ability to solve, using new lighting technologies and shielding existing lights. Already, many cities and towns across North America and Europe are changing to LED streetlights, which offer dramatic possibilities for controlling wasted light. Other communities are finding success with simply turning off portions of their public lighting after midnight. Even Paris, the famed “city of light,” which already turns off its monument lighting after 1 a.m., will this summer start to require its shops, offices and public buildings to turn off lights after 2 a.m. Though primarily designed to save energy, such reductions in light will also go far in addressing light pollution. But we will never truly address the problem of light pollution until we become aware of the irreplaceable value and beauty of the darkness we are losing.

My response:

In his article “Let There Be Dark,” Paul Bogard states the importance of natural darkness and persuades his audience that light pollution should be reduced to preserve darkness. To buttress his argument, Bogard includes an anecdote, opinions of prestigious institutions, and evidence.

In the first paragraph, the author effectively draws the attention of the reader to his argument by including an anecdote of his childhood. He recounts that at his “family’s cabin on a Minnesota lake, [he] … knew woods so dark that [his] … hands disappeared before [his] … eyes.” The effect on readers is that they put in Bogard’s mind, and, if the reader is a child, he or she can understand what is she or he losing. Otherwise, if the reader is an adult, he or she can travel to a similar experience he or she had in his childhood. Ultimately, by using vivid language in descibing this story, the writer fulfill the goal of conveying the importance of darkness.

In addition to telling the reader an anecdote, Bogard paraphrases and utilizes quotes of prestigious institutions. In the third paragraph, the author that both the World Health Organization and the American Medical Association recognize the light pollution as a real threat for people. By including opinions of this institution, the writer generates in his audience confidence about his argument, because of the world wide recognition of these institutions. Therefore, the reader is more eager to believe that natural darkness should be preserved.

Finally, in the sixth paragraph, the writer shows evidence to support his claim that the problem is getting worse as time passes. He states that “the amount of light in the sky increases of about 6% every year” in the United States and the Western Europe. This impressive fact leaves the audience wonder the future that expects them. Taking this information, the reader can easily infer that in a matter of decades the amount of like would duplicate, and, taking into account the importance of darknesss previously descripted, the reader can infer the extremely negative possible outcomes.

Overall, the author effectively relies on showing evidence, including what important institutions believe about the topic and recounting an anecdote to persuade his readers that artificial light should be reduced to preserve natural darkness.

Thanks!