Hello,
I wrote this essay on Khan Academy (it has its own automated checker), but would want a human opinion on this essay.
Article:
As you read the passage below, consider how Paul Bogard uses
evidence, such as facts and examples, to support claims
reasoning to develop ideas and to connect claims and evidence
stylistic or persuasive elements, such as word choice or appeals to emotion, to add power to the idea expressed
Adapted from Paul Bogard, “Let There Be Dark.” © 2012 by Los Angeles Times.
Beginning of reading passage.
At my family’s cabin on a Minnesota lake, I knew woods so dark that my hands disappeared before my eyes. I knew night skies in which meteors left smoky trails across sugary spreads of stars. But now, when 8 of 10 children born in the United States will never know a sky dark enough for the Milky Way, I worry we are rapidly losing night’s natural darkness before realizing its worth. This winter solstice, as we cheer the days’ gradual movement back toward light, let us also remember the irreplaceable value of darkness.
All life evolved to the steady rhythm of bright days and dark nights. Today, though, when we feel the closeness of nightfall, we reach quickly for a light switch. And too little darkness, meaning too much artificial light at night, spells trouble for all.
Already the World Health Organization classifies working the night shift as a probable human carcinogen, and the American Medical Association has voiced its unanimous support for “light pollution reduction efforts and glare reduction efforts at both the national and state levels.” Our bodies need darkness to produce the hormone melatonin, which keeps certain cancers from developing, and our bodies need darkness for sleep. Sleep disorders have been linked to diabetes, obesity, cardiovascular disease and depression, and recent research suggests one main cause of “short sleep” is “long light.” Whether we work at night or simply take our tablets, notebooks and smartphones to bed, there isn’t a place for this much artificial light in our lives.
The rest of the world depends on darkness as well, including nocturnal and crepuscular species of birds, insects, mammals, fish and reptiles. Some examples are well known—the 400 species of birds that migrate at night in North America, the sea turtles that come ashore to lay their eggs—and some are not, such as the bats that save American farmers billions in pest control and the moths that pollinate 80% of the world’s flora. Ecological light pollution is like the bulldozer of the night, wrecking habitat and disrupting ecosystems several billion years in the making. Simply put, without darkness, Earth’s ecology would collapse…
In today’s crowded, louder, more fast-paced world, night’s darkness can provide solitude, quiet and stillness, qualities increasingly in short supply. Every religious tradition has considered darkness invaluable for a soulful life, and the chance to witness the universe has inspired artists, philosophers and everyday stargazers since time began. In a world awash with electric light . . . how would Van Gogh have given the world his “Starry Night”? Who knows what this vision of the night sky might inspire in each of us, in our children or grandchildren?
Yet all over the world, our nights are growing brighter. In the United States and Western Europe, the amount of light in the sky increases an average of about 6% every year. Computer images of the United States at night, based on NASA photographs, show that what was a very dark country as recently as the 1950s is now nearly covered with a blanket of light. Much of this light is wasted energy, which means wasted dollars. Those of us over 35 are perhaps among the last generation to have known truly dark nights. Even the northern lake where I was lucky to spend my summers has seen its darkness diminish.
It doesn’t have to be this way. Light pollution is readily within our ability to solve, using new lighting technologies and shielding existing lights. Already, many cities and towns across North America and Europe are changing to LED streetlights, which offer dramatic possibilities for controlling wasted light. Other communities are finding success with simply turning off portions of their public lighting after midnight. Even Paris, the famed “city of light,” which already turns off its monument lighting after 1 a.m., will this summer start to require its shops, offices and public buildings to turn off lights after 2 a.m. Though primarily designed to save energy, such reductions in light will also go far in addressing light pollution. But we will never truly address the problem of light pollution until we become aware of the irreplaceable value and beauty of the darkness we are losing.
My essay:
Paul Bogard, in his article noting the harmful effects of light pollution, uses personal anecdotes, well-known organizations and sources, and examples of what could happen to bring to light the intensity of this problem.
Bogard starts his essay off with a personal anecdote, captivating the reader’s attention. While this anecdote might just be a hook, it also sets up for the sentence, “but now, when 8 of 10 children born in the United States will never know a sky dark enough for the Milky Way,” to hit hard. It is this sentence that brings the mood of this article from a memory to an urgent problem that affects us all. This anecdote brings a personal touch to the essay, framing the problem it discusses (light pollution) as an issue that affects us all, right now. Later in the article, Bogard brings this issue back and considers how it affects every one of us, with the statement “Those of us over 35 are perhaps among the last generation to have known truly dark nights. Even the northern lake where I was lucky to spend my summers has seen its darkness diminish.” By adding this personal touch to the article, Bogard brings a problem that most have never heard of into light, and makes people see that it is indeed an urgent problem.
Bogard also cites several well-known credible sources like WHO and American Medical Association in his essay. He uses these large organizations to support his case and bring to light the urgency of this issue. By showing his readers that even large organizations acknowledge the importance of this problem and calls for an urgent solution, then it must be an urgent problem. If the author had decided not to quote these organizations, however, and instead used reasoning and emotional appeals, then his argument would not have been as strong.
If readers haven’t been convinced that light pollution is indeed a large problem, then Bogard bombards them with more facts about what might happen if light pollution continues. He cites examples of endangered species that depends on darkness, and the animals that do their activities in the dark. He also mentions the night bats that save American farmers billions of dollars, alluding to what might happen if there is no more darkness. Bogard cites all of these examples of animals that might get affected negatively by light pollution. As a result, readers are warned of the ecological impacts of just flipping the light switch; Bogard also reminds them that, regardless of the impacts of light pollution on humans, other inhabitants of Earth might get affected too.
Bogard uses personal connections, cites well-known sources, and gives realistic examples of what could happen if we continue to emit light pollution to captivate his readers and bring awareness to the problem of light pollution. His thorough article frames a problem that many Americans are blind of to light (no pun intended), and he does that by incorporating his experiences with science and facts to convince the reader of his argument.