Can semeone critique my essay, please...

<p>Prompt 4:</p>

<p>In a book entitled The Mind’s I, by Douglas Hofstadter, philosopher Daniel C. Dennett posed the following problem: Suppose you are an astronaut stranded on Mars whose spaceship has broken down beyond repair. In your disabled craft there is a Teleclone Mark IV teleporter that can swiftly and painlessly dismantle your body, producing a molecule-by-molecule blueprint to be beamed to Earth. There, a Teleclone receiver stocked with the requisite atoms will produce, from the beamed instructions, you—complete with all your memories, thoughts, feelings, and opinions. If you activate the Teleclone Mark IV, which astronaut are you—the one dismantled on Mars or the one produced from a blueprint on Earth? Suppose further that an improved Teleclone Mark V is developed that can obtain its blueprint without destroying the original. Are you then two astronauts at once? If not, which one are you?</p>

<pre><code> When I read the prompt, my stomach was uneasy as if it was going in a 90mph roller coaster, my heart was troubled as if it has been scorched by the hot sun of Sahara but my mind was bungi jumping with uncontrollable exuberance. To be able to understand the human being has always been a lifelong saga of mine.
Of all the organisms, human beings are unique because of their evolved emotions and consciousness. “Courage and honor and hope and pride and compassion and pity and sacrifice” make a human being, said William Faulkner on his Nobel Banquet speech. A human being is more than a group of atoms, a group of molecules or a group of cells. A human being, says Faulkner, “has a soul, a spirit capable of compassion and sacrifice and endurance.” When a human being is such a great force, do Mark IV and Mark V have the ability to recreate “you”?
While thinking about this relationship, I found myself being part of mathematical functions {y1 = √x & y2 = -√x ; x ≥0} which are symmetric with respect to the x-axis on a Cartesian graph. When {y2 = -√x} is rotated over x-axis, I noticed that the two parts are mirror images. I also observed that for a given value of x, y results as both positive and negative value. Only in Mathematics, I always taught. But, I was mistaken. Only in Mathematics, Mark IV and Mark V.
When I analyze the situation on Mars with regard to Mark IV, I have concluded as following: I am the man dismantled on Mars and not the one produced on Earth. The mathematical functions {y1 = √x & y2 = -√x} can be used to explain this phenomenon. My body { y1 = √x } was swiftly and painlessly dismantled, and a mirror image was created on Earth { y2 = -√x } based on my body’s blueprint. When we analyze the values of y1 and y2, we see that they are opposites even though the same blueprint, x, was used.

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<p>My memories, my thoughts, my feelings, and my opinions are like a book. The author, who writes the book, will have an in-depth understanding of the book. Each moment, character, setting and conflict in the book has a purpose that the writer deeply understands. This understanding of my memories, my thoughts, my feelings and my opinions embellishes my soul, gives it a tangible shape that is unique.<br>
Whereas my mirror image on Earth is but a reader of the book. He may read the book, but he does not deeply understand it, or at least not at the level of the writer. He may know my memories, my thoughts, my feelings and my opinions, but it remains to be seen how much of it he truly absorbs.<br>
In regard to Mark V, I have concluded that I am the astronaut on Mars. Like the functions {y1 = √x & y2 = -√x}, myself and the mirror image resemble newborn twins with same DNA and same physical attributes, but for every value of x, y1 = -y2 . The cause for this dramatic change in the y values is the environment that surrounds us. I am stranded upon Mars, and so will undergo new experiences that are outside the realm of the mirror image. I am sitting in the capsule scratching my head, hoping against hope that help arrives and desperately trying to repair the ship. Similarly, the mirror image is taking a deep breath of fresh air and experiencing the feel of the green grass under him for the first time.<br>
The mirror image may have my memories, my thoughts and my views, but he does not know to do with them. He is like a child who had read books all his life and begins to work. I can see him dumbfounded, his hands and legs shaking, his mind unable to think and wondering what he is doing there. Having the ability to apply the knowledge is completely different from knowing the knowledge. Similarly, my mirror image knows my book, but his degree of understanding and application differentiates him from me.
Transferring the code for an organism does not mean the same as transferring the organism. Unconscious atoms, molecules, cells, organs or even memories can be created from a blue print, but they do not mean anything unless one understands them and applies them. I can imagine my friend, the mirror image, writing the first chapter in his own book, his own saga.</p>

<p>This is what I wrote originally. </p>

<p>From Atoms to Mars</p>

<pre><code>When I read the prompt, my stomach was uneasy as if it was going in a 90mph roller coaster, my heart was troubled as if it has been scorched by the hot sun of Sahara but my mind was bungi jumping with uncontrollable exuberance. To be able to understand the human being has always been a lifelong saga of mine.
While growing up in rural south India, I have seen many grandpas and grandmas live in grass huts, abandoned by their children, deserted by their country, deprived of money, pus drooling from their blisters, ants crawling over their bodies and their lives rotting and ready to end in a happy note for death was a release from the agonies and the tortures of this world.
I have just remembered this memory after reading this prompt. It was as if the prompt was a password for opening this memory folder. In my five years in United States, I do not recall opening this memory except while looking at pictures depicting poverty in third world countries in National Geographic or while seeing the advertisements on T.V for Christian Children’s Fund. These images seem to act as a stimulus, firing my neurons and causing me to remember particular periods of my life in India.
In my life long quest, I have found that at sub-cellular level, a cell acts more like a machine. When a retrovirus injects its mRNA into a mammalian cell, an intruder alert is sent not only to the infected cell, but also to the surrounding cells. The infected cell reacts by interfering with the reverse transcription of mRNA to DNA, by interfering with DNA’s entry into the cell’s nucleus, and by interfering with viral DNA’s fusion with that of the cells. If every thing fails, the cell kills itself, and along with it the viral DNA. When I analyze this unique relationship, I notice that this is more like a step by step program entitled: Combating Retroviral Infection.
From time to time, my computer gets infected with a virus. An artificial computer virus is very similar to a biological virus, in that both require a host. When infected with a virus, a computer becomes very inefficient, functioning at a point below the production possibilities curve. Our cells are like computers in our body. They are programmed to do a certain operation. Its code is already written and executed in a perfect manner or else the unit collapses, leading to disastrous consequences like Cancer.
The world of the machines is built on laws. If a command is given to a machine, it performs it to the best of its ability. Similarly, when my teacher asks me to perform a task, I do not have a choice but to perform it to the best of my ability. Given my situation as an observer frantically trying to understand the world around him and at the same time appease the will of his parents and himself, choice is more of a delusion than reality.

When cells come together, I notice a unique relationship forming. After fertilization occurs, the embryo cleaves from 1 to 2, to 4, to 8…and gives rise to an organism. During the third cleavage, evidence suggests that cells receive different cytoplasmic environment. With in a cell the environment determines how genes are regulated, and so a difference causes cellular specialization. All the cells with in our body have the same DNA—30,000 genes on 3 billion base pairs. Specialization involves activating only a portion of this potential. Basic principles of economics suggest that specialization leads to optimal efficiency by moving the production possibilities curve outward and to the right.
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<p>At an organismal level, we see a group of cells working together as machines to create a successful community, that forms the basis for an organism. Unlike most organisms, human beings are unique because of their evolved emotions and consciousness. “Courage and honor and hope and pride and compassion and pity and sacrifice” make a human being, said William Faulkner on his Nobel Banquet speech. A human being is more than a group of atoms, a group of molecules or a group of cells. A human being, says Faulkner, “has a soul, a spirit capable of compassion and sacrifice and endurance.” When a human being is such a great force, do Mark IV and Mark V have the ability to recreate “you”?
While thinking about this relationship, I found myself being part of mathematical functions {y1 = √x & y2 = -√x ; x ≥0} which are symmetric with respect to the x-axis on a Cartesian graph. When {y2 = -√x} is rotated over x-axis, I noticed that the two parts are mirror images. I also observed that for a given value of x, y results as both positive and negative value. Only in Mathematics, I always taught. But, I was mistaken. Only in Mathematics, Mark IV and Mark V.
When I analyze the situation on Mars with regard to Mark IV, I have concluded as following: I am the man dismantled on Mars and not the one produced on Earth. The mathematical functions {y1 = √x & y2 = -√x} can be used to explain this phenomenon. My body { y1 = √x } was swiftly and painlessly dismantled, and a mirror image was created on Earth { y2 = -√x } based on my body’s blueprint. When we analyze the values of y1 and y2, we see that they are opposites even though the same blueprint, x, was used.<br>
My memories, my thoughts, my feelings, and my opinions are like a book. The author, who writes the book, will have an in-depth understanding of the book. Each moment, character, setting and conflict in the book has a purpose that the writer deeply understands. This understanding of my memories, my thoughts, my feelings and my opinions embellishes my soul, gives it a tangible shape that is unique.<br>
Whereas my mirror image on Earth is but a reader of the book. He may read the book, but he does not deeply understand it, or at least not at the level of the writer. He may know my memories, my thoughts, my feelings and my opinions, but it remains to be seen how much of it he truly absorbs.<br>
In regard to Mark V, I have concluded that I am the astronaut on Mars. Like the functions {y1 = √x & y2 = -√x}, myself and the mirror image resemble newborn twins with same DNA and same physical attributes, but for every value of x, y1 = -y2 . The cause for this dramatic change in the y values is the environment that surrounds us. I am stranded upon Mars, and so will undergo new experiences that are outside the realm of the mirror image. I am sitting in the capsule scratching my head, hoping against hope that help arrives and desperately trying to repair the ship. Similarly, the mirror image is taking a deep breath of fresh air and experiencing the feel of the green grass under him for the first time.<br>
The mirror image may have my memories, my thoughts and my views, but he does not know to do with them. He is like a child who had read books all his life and begins to work. I can see him dumbfounded, his hands and legs shaking, his mind unable to think and wondering what he is doing there. Having the ability to apply the knowledge is completely different from knowing the knowledge. Similarly, my mirror image knows my book, but his degree of understanding and application differentiates him from me.
Transferring the code for an organism does not mean the same as transferring the organism. Unconscious atoms, molecules, cells, organs or even memories can be created from a blue print, but they do not mean anything unless one understands them and applies them. I can imagine my friend, the mirror image, writing the first chapter in his own book, his own saga.</p>

<p>good...bad.....need devine intervention....</p>

<p>here are my stats anyway:
Rank: 20/360 at a competitive high school
33 ACT
recently took SAT II's
2 Research project in Chemistry and Mol. Biology
Most likely a siemens semi-finalist.
few national, state, regional science fair awards
good E.C.'s and rec's.</p>

<p>My other two essays are excellent.</p>

<p>change cartesian graph to cartesian plain. </p>

<p>Put some life into this piece of ****. Don't just say it, show it!</p>

<p>ehh plane?</p>

<p>Honestly, I read for about 30 seconds. I am not the be-all end-all critic, but I cannot seem to pay attention to this. The entire mathematic similarity approach is rather binary and oversimplified. This "lifelong saga" seems to conform to an idea of intellectual curiosity rather than express it. Cut the examples and write who you are!~
(Hope this is not too harsh)</p>

<p>thanx. every one.</p>

<p>I shall make all the changes required.</p>