Can someone critique my UC essays?

[UCSCUTransfer]

<p>Finished my transfer uc essays and I need someone to read it and give me any advice/fixes.
Would appreciate any help!!
i'll PM it to you. thanks!!</p>

[thekoolkid]

<p>sure Pm me</p>

[StanfordWOW]

<p>PM me too</p>

[Biopsychismylife]

<p>Sure. Pm me</p>