Can someone grade my practice SAT essay?

Here is the prompt: https://cdn.kastatic.org/KA-share/sat/5KS01E%20Practice%20Essay.pdf

and here’s the essay:

In the passage, Paul Bogard effectively uses a number of time-tested techniques to build an argument to persuade his audience that natural darkness should be preserved. Among these methods are emotional appeal and precise diction, as well as providing an abundance of supporting evidence through facts. By the end, Bogard has constructed a well-thought-out and cohesive argument.

In the first paragraph of the passage, Bogard expertly utilizes emotional appeal to hook the reader and remind him/her of sentimental memories. To do this, he tells about fond memories of his own childhood relating to natural darkness, such as stargazing. This is bound to bring a rush of similar memories to the readers’ mind. Typically, these kinds of sentimental, childhood experiences are remembered fondly, leaving the readers in a pleasant, more receptive state of mind. This technique also allows the reader to feel a personal connection with Bogard, further bolstering his argument. Additionally, the readers may feel a desire to preserved these kinds of experiences for their own children and grandchildren. Thus, by the end of the first paragraph, the reader is left significantly more likely to combat light pollution, which is exactly what Bogard intended.

Board further builds his argument with his thoughtful, carefully selected word choices. For instance, he describes natural darkness as “irreplaceable.” This particular word creates a feeling of urgency and makes the consequences of not fighting light pollution seem dire. In addition, by associating the word “carcinogen” with night shifts and light pollution, Bogard furthers his argument that light pollution is dangerous and must be addressed. This is due to the very negative connotation of “carcinogen.” At this point, the reader will be more willing to combat light pollution as it has been associated with a scary-sounding word that means “something that causes cancer.” Thus, through the use of worlds like “carcinogen” and “irreplaceable,” Bogard steers his audience to be more supportive of preserving natural darkness.

Moreover, Board flawlessly executes another rhetorical strategy: providing facts to back up his arguments. He does this numerous times throughout the passage to great effect. For example, he cites the WHO and AMA as wanting to reduce night shifts and light pollution, respectively. This adds a tremendous amount of credibility to his persuasion attempt as both are highly respected and reputable organizations. Furthermore, he devotes an entire paragraph listing numerous nocturnal and crepuscular animal species that are critical to Earth’s ecology. One of the best examples is regarding "the moths that pollinate 80% of the world’s flora,which demonstrates just how important they are. This forces the reader to contemplate the immense negative consequences arising from light pollution, which further persuades him/her to preserve natural darkness, thus serving Bogard’s purpose extremely well.

Via the use of various methods throughout the passage, Bogard presents a comprehensive, convincing case to his audience persuading it to preserve natural darkness by combatting light pollution. The variety of strategies employed by him greatly amplifies the effectiveness of his argument, leaving his audience far more likely to concur with his viewpoint.

Please let me know what you think.

I would very much appreciate if someone could help me out…I have no clue how this essay would score. Thanks!

Thanks! That was really helpful. If you wouldn’t mind could you point out the errors in the writing category please? The link was really useful too and helped me get a better idea of where I stand.
Thanks again and please let me know my errors.

Th person who kindly went to a lot of effort to review your essay said it clearly re the writing: your vocab and sentence structure are good but not amazing. An 11 out of 12 is outstanding, not many can do better. If you want to imporve it, do as @yellowjeans suggested. But frankly, you don’t need to. Any college in the country will be delighted to see an 11. Please find more constructive ways to use your time, perhpas by writing some killer essays for your apps.