can someone grade my SAT essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>hello guys, is someone willing to grade my essay? thanks in advance to anyone taking their time to evaluate my essay!</p>

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<p>Prompt: Can knowledge a burden rather than a benefit?</p>

<pre><code>Knowledge is a very powerful asset. Increased knowledge over time has enabled humans to progress and evolve into civilizations with societies and governments. Although at times excessive knowledge can be a burden, the benefits of knowledge far outweigh the drawbacks.

Many diseases and sicknesses now have treatments available due to a breadth of knowledge in the medical field. Previously, people believed that some diseases like chicken pox or diphtheria would result in death or some unknown result. Eventually, it was discovered that our immune systems are capable of gradually building cells that can destroy diseased cells. Vaccinations were created utilizing this knowledge; a weaker virus or cell is introduced to the immune system so that eventually immunity is built up. Knowledge about the immune system helped create vaccinations that helps save many lives and prevent diseases from happening.

Knowledge also is beneficial in the technology field. Nowadays many things are created using knowledge of different types of engineering, such as mechanical or electrical. People have invented many novelties that help solve a variety of problems by taking advantage of knowledge on machines and technology. A smartphone is a great technology that was created with knowledge about electronics; now it is possible to contact people even across the globe. Knowledge has also been applied to make things more convenient. Without the creation of the laundry machine, people would have to manually wash clothes. This is such a hassle nowadays and the technology created from our knowledge on machines has made things so much simpler.

Overall, knowledge is definitely a great power. Knowledge is very beneficial as it can help cure diseases in the medical field and make life much simpler for people. Honestly, there are no limits to what people can accomplish and the benefits as people continue to learn and gain more knowledge.
</code></pre>

2

<p>I enjoyed reading this essay. Personally, in my introduction I would include the topics that I will be writing in my body paragraphs. Your introduction leaves the reader with a broad understanding of knowledge. SAT graders will have like 2 minutes on each essay and will focus mainly on your introduction. You need to get out some examples in your opening paragraph if that makes sense, but don’t overdo it. </p>

<p>I like your first body paragraph because you focused primarily on health benefits due to knowledge. However, your second is quite rough. When I read it, it seems like you are trying to “vomit” everything out onto your second body paragraph. You have a lot of good examples, but I think that it would be better to focus more on the reasoning. </p>

<p>At the beginning of the second body paragraph, you said “Knowledge also is beneficial in the technology field”. This is a good example because you talked about connecting people from around the globe which creates good support on your opening sentence. Right after your first point, you say “Knowledge has also been applied to make things more convenient”. It seems like you’re almost trying to create another point which would have been better if you were to split it into a third body paragraph. </p>

<p>Overall, I give this a 3-4 out of 6. Nicely written.</p>

3

<p>Nice essay. But a specific example might be better than just a broad gist.</p>

4

<p>As always (with the intent to help), I’m going to be fairly blunt. There are nice moments in almost every essay but I tend to focus on the things that require attention.</p>

<p>—Only because you’ve made very few errors in basic English usage, this is a three.</p>

<p>—Where did you find this template? (That’s a rhetorical question.) Generally, if the masses are doing something, you SHOULDN’T do it. This applies to business, love, diet, and writing. One of the few exceptions I can think of is obeying the law.</p>

<p>—As pertains this essay, check out what I’ve done and then read below for a brief explanation.</p>

<p>Knowledge is a very powerful asset. Increased knowledge over time has enabled humans to progress and evolve into civilizations with societies and governments. Although at times excessive knowledge can be a burden, the benefits of knowledge far outweigh the drawbacks.</p>

<p>Many diseases and sicknesses now have treatments available due to a breadth of knowledge in the medical field. Previously, people believed that some diseases like chicken pox or diphtheria would result in death or some unknown result. Eventually, it was discovered that our immune systems are capable of gradually building cells that can destroy diseased cells. Vaccinations were created utilizing this knowledge; a weaker virus or cell is introduced to the immune system so that eventually immunity is built up. Knowledge about the immune system helped create vaccinations that helps save many lives and prevent diseases from happening.</p>

<p>Knowledge also is beneficial in the technology field. Nowadays many things are created using knowledge of different types of engineering, such as mechanical or electrical. People have invented many novelties that help solve a variety of problems by taking advantage of knowledge on machines and technology. A smartphone is a great technology that was created with knowledge about electronics; now it is possible to contact people even across the globe. Knowledge has also been applied to make things more convenient. Without the creation of the laundry machine, people would have to manually wash clothes. This is such a hassle nowadays and the technology created from our knowledge on machines has made things so much simpler.</p>

<p>Overall, knowledge is definitely a great power. Knowledge is very beneficial as it can help cure diseases in the medical field and make life much simpler for people. Honestly, there are no limits to what people can accomplish and the benefits as people continue to learn and gain more knowledge.</p>

<p>The stuff above in bold is either a fact or something you’ve already said. Readers don’t want to read a bunch of facts. They want to see that you know how to think.</p>

<p>I’m sure that you DO know how to think. I can’t say this enough: almost every essay template directly causes the kinds of problems that preclude upper-level scores on any kind of timed essay.</p>

<p>It IS true that you need to cite concrete examples. However, your paper is entirely too factual.</p>

5

<p>@JohnTee i appreciate the advice! how do you think I could get a higher score (5 or 6)?</p>

<p>@anonemuss thanks for the feedback! could you also give me a score for the essay? </p>

<p>@jkjeremy thanks for evaluating my essay and showing me the factual parts! do you have suggestions on making the essay less factual and more focused on abstract ideas?</p>

<p>again, thanks to all of you for taking the time to evaluate my essay!</p>

6

<p>do you have suggestions on making the essay less factual and more focused on abstract ideas?</p>

<p>Yes, I have tons of suggestions but PM me if you want them. I’m not interested in spending an hour on this if you forget to read it!</p>