Can Someone Please Grade my SAT Essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Prompt: Should people take more responsibility for solving problem that affect their communities or the nation in general?
Imagine this country without any problems: no unemployment, no global warming, no budget cuts for schools, no zillion dollar debt. Evidently, this utopia is only a dream and is not actually attainable. However, some of these issues can solved through the collaborative effort of the general population. Even issues which seem that only the government can settle may be influenced by average citizens. By considering the problems of this country,
we can become cogzinant of the issues that we can help resolve. </p>

<p>A major issue in the U.S. is budget cuts, especially for schools. This issue can be resolved through fundraising. If a high school had all of its students participate in a school fundraiser, the school would greatly benefit from it. Another problem that can be helped by the general population is global warming. Through recycling programs, landfills would not be as massive ad would release less methane into the atmosphere. In addition, some clubs in many communities promote carpooling or bicycle riding. These modes of transportation are beneficial to the environment, reducing the amount of gas in the atmosphere. </p>

<p>On the other hand there are many other issues that seem to be unable to be solved through the general population. For example, the massive debt that the U.S. has is a result of poor economic decisions by the government. Furthermore, widespread unemployment cannot be reduced through any programs of the general population. Problems such as these cannot immediately be helped by the population, but we can help by voting for the best presidential candidate with the ability to solve these problems.</p>

2

<p>What is your standing point? The essay seem to be vague.</p>

3

<p>I agree with forthesakeofedu, I had to delve into the examples of your essay to grasp your thesis.
No conclusion, no concrete historical/literary examples (hypothetical), and irritating ambiguity.
5/12.</p>

4

<p>I will say 6/12.</p>

<ul>
<li>The discussion of a utopia in the intro doesn’t really relate to the topic (or if it could, you don’t bridge the gap sufficiently). Maybe you could say, “The country cannot reach this, but [such and such would happen] if all citizens assumed some responsibility.”</li>
<li>Thesis does not address the question. The question is should, and you say that people can. Pick one side of the question and follow it. Moderate essays tend to lack confidence.</li>
<li>Be more specific in your topic sentences. The first sentence of the second paragraph should tell the reader what is going to be said in that paragraph. Something like, “There are some issues, like school budget cuts and global warming, that can be solved by the direct action of people in their communities.” It’s not eloquent, but it tells your reader what the paragraph is about.</li>
<li>Your point in the last paragraph is not that the general population cannot solve those issues, but that it cannot solve them *directly<a href=“since%20you%20say%20they%20can%20solve%20them%20by%20voting”>/i</a>. So say that in your topic sentence.</li>
<li>1-2 sentence conclusion helps a lot.</li>
<li>Try to fill all of the space. This is about 260 words. One of my essays that fill front/back was about 450. I’d say try to hit 400 at least. Readers will generally give better scores to longer essays.</li>
</ul>