<p>Please fasten your seatbelt, the Captain is ready for takeoff, the air hostess announced. As I struggled to fasten my seatbelt, I began thinking about the life I had left behind. What would Shivani, my best friend, be doing right now? Who would take care of my home where I took my first step, spoke my first word, and lived 11 years of my life? Most of all, I was concerned about my family that I was leaving behind: my grandparents, cousins, uncles, and aunts. As the plane descended, all my queries dissolved except one: What would my new life in America be like? That rainy day in April 2008 changed my life forever; it was the day my family and I moved from India to America.
Seattle was a completely new environment for me to adapt to. I knew this would be the biggest hurdle I would have to overcome. As a new 7th grader in a place there were few Indians, I felt invisible in the classroom. Being a novice in English, I was looked down upon by other students. I did not have anyone to talk to or share my feelings with. I could not tell my parents about what was going on in school because they had a million things of their own to worry about. However, this chapter in my life inspired me to move forward in life. I could not let the obstacles get in my way; I had to let them go and look at the world with an open mind.
After this realization, I attended school with a new goal in mind. My parents moved to America to give my brother and me a better education and a better life. They sacrificed their family for us to achieve the American dream. I worked extremely hard in school and learned English in a matter of months by reading books, watching English cartoons. After a year, as I was just getting comfortable with my new lifestyle, we were obligated to move to Edison, New Jersey for my dads job. Upon moving to Edison, my positive attitude began to fade. However, I thought of this move as a new challenge for me to overcome. I joined clubs, made friends, and tried to fit into Edison. While I thought my life was perfect in Edison, the following year my dad told my family that we were moving to Liverpool, New York. After he told me this, one part of me was ready to, again, explore a new place while the other part of me was hesitant to move to another state. I reminded myself why my family came to America. Somehow, I found confidence and strength inside me to strive forward. I slowly started to adjust to Liverpool and it felt like home to me. Moving from state to state, I learned to accept challenges with an open mind and be optimistic. The difficulties I faced at a young age shaped me into the person I am today.
My move to the United States and within the country completely changed my life. I overcame the language barrier; I became habituated to the new life and customs. The most important change I developed is my passion for education. I have an opportunity in this country to be what I want to be, and I will not let this opportunity slip through my fingers. I want to continue my passion for education, and the next step in my chapter is college. I have to make my family in India proud since I am the first person in my family to go to college in America. I know I can succeed in education by bringing my diverse knowledge into an institution and applying this knowledge to further my opportunities. This move to the United States has shaped my life, making me view education as a window to many other opportunities.</p>
<p>I am sorry but this essay didn’t move me but that is my personal view.- I myself am from South Asia
I think you should focus on how you overcame language barrier, made friends and how living in America has impacted your life with a example rather than just stating.
You are saying what you will do and not what you have done.
I know it is easy to say than to do, but I think this essay needs a revision.</p>
<p>“Please fasten your seatbelt, the Captain is ready for takeoff,” the air hostess announced. As I struggled to fasten my seatbelt, I began thinking about the life I had left behind. What would Shivani, my best friend, be doing right now? Who would take care of my home where I took my first step, spoke my first word, and lived 11 years of my life? Most of all, I was concerned about my family that I was leaving behind. As the plane descended, all my queries dissolved except one: What would my new life in America be like? That rainy day in April 2008 changed my life forever; it was the day my family and I moved from India to America.
Seattle was a completely new environment for me to adapt to. As a new 7th grader in a place there were few Indians, I felt invisible in the classroom. Being a novice in English, I was looked down by other students and was not well received. I sat quietly in the class and tried not to look at anyone; yet, the other students laughed at me. I could still remember the times when the teacher asked, “Who doesn’t have a partner?” and I would be the only one to raise my hand. After going to school for the first week, it became apparent to me that I needed more academic support than my peers, and I had to work harder to accomplish the same things that they did. Although I excelled in my Mathematics classes, English became my weak point. I was quickly admitted into an ESL class with the rest of the non-English speaking students. However, my goal was to move up to regular English. Therefore, my brother and I used to rush home to watch all the Television shows and absorb as much English as we would. As soon as I was done watching T.V., I would go to my room and read books. I still remember the big stack of library books that were always in my room. So with persistence and hard work, I overcame the endeavor, and I was out of ESL classes in 3 months. Since I was still not an expert on the English language, school continued to be challenging for a few more years, but I knew that if I set goals and pursued them, I could accomplish anything.
After a year, as I was just getting comfortable with my new lifestyle in Seattle, we were obligated to move to Edison, New Jersey and then a year later to Liverpool, New York. Each time I moved to a different place, I had to start over like I did when I was in Seattle. I had to make new friends, adapt to the lifestyle, and do well in school. My parents moved to America to give my brother and me a better education and a better life. They sacrificed their family for us to achieve the American dream. Somehow, I found confidence and strength inside me to strive forward. Moving from state to state, I learned to accept challenges with an open mind and be optimistic. The difficulties I faced at a young age shaped me into the person I am today.
My move to the United States and within the country completely changed my life. I overcame the language barrier; I became habituated to the new life and customs. The most important change I developed is my passion for education. I have an opportunity in this country purse my dreams and I will not let this opportunity go. To reach my goal, the next step in my chapter is college. I am the first person in my family to go to college in America and I have to my family in India proud. I know I can succeed in education by bringing my diverse knowledge into an institution. This move to the United States has shaped my life, making me view education as a window to many other opportunities.</p>
<p>I agree with the previous comment -do more showing than telling! Like when you say “As the plane descended, all my queries dissolved except one: What would my new life in America be like?” Why did all of them dissolve except one? How were you feeling?
There are also a lot of cliches in this essay.
“Moving from state to state, I learned to accept challenges with an open mind and be optimistic. The difficulties I faced at a young age shaped me into the person I am today.”
How? Examples of this? The example of ESL class shows how you work hard. But how did your childhood experiences affect the way you view life? How are you now more optimistic and open minded?</p>