I really need help. My uncle really didn’t like it, so now I have no idea what do to/change about it. Please let me know if you would be willing to, I will private message it to you!
PM me if you want another opinion!
I can read it!! 
Your uncle didn’t like it? Is your uncle an admissions officer? I’ll take a look at it. PM me.
PM me. I’ll give honest feedback.
PM me! I’ve read a decent bit of essays and I’m solid with grammar and writing in general!