Can someone please take a look at this personal rec letter my neighbor wrote?

<p>It is for local scholarships that my high school offers and besides a personal rec letter I have 2 teacher recs as well. Please tell me whether or not you think I should ask my neighbor to revise it, and if so how I should go about doing that? Would anyone be offended if you were asked to revise a rec letter you wrote for someone?</p>

<p>To Whom It May Concern:</p>

<p>Having observed hmf123 develop since childhood, I am pleased to write a letter of recommendation for her. Hmf123 has always been aware of herself in connection to a larger world. Her artistic, academic, and community activities demonstrate a mature sense of courtesy, courage, truth, balance, selflessness and academic precision.</p>

<p>Hmf123 has inner strength that she is able to transfer to works in the intellectual, social, and artistic domains. She has always been able to interact with neighborhood friends in a way that demonstrates social leadership attributes.</p>

<p>Hmf123 is patient with others; precise with herself. Any university would be receiving a strong student in Hmf123.</p>

<p>Sincerely,
Signed name
typed name, Ph.D.</p>

<p>_Shouldn't she have mentioned something about why I deserve the scholarship? All my friends think it's too short and doesn't seem like she know me at all. However, I'd like some opinions maybe from anyone who's written a rec letter for someone? I'm really thinking I should ask her to revise it, but I feel like I would be so rude to do that. I mean, if someone came to me and said the recommendation letter wasn't good enough I'd feel hurt. She has a degree from Vanderbuilt University and is a retired professor from UNT, so I thought it would be really long and detailed, but what do I know? Anyways any opinions would be appreciated even if they're negative. Thank you.</p>

<p>A former boss once told me to never use vague terms when criticizing or commending someone. Always use examples, else you’re just throwing words around. For instance, the phrase…</p>

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<p>…is about as vague as you can get. It’s a bunch of words (and way too many, at that) which are meaningless. Um, do you think your neighbor can throw in any more attributes there? What activities? Where’s the artistic? Where’s the courage? And what the heck is “academic precision”, and how does your neighbor know about it from your community activities? Wow, that sentence is just plain bad!! She’s just your neighbor, right? And she goes on talking about your inner strength…what does that mean? Does it mean you can carry the trash cans back to the garage with one hand?</p>

<p>A much more powerful sentence might be (just an example here): “In one of her community activities, she teaches home economic life skills to inner-city youths living in the local projects, two afternoons a week. She takes them grocery shopping, teaches them to cook and balance a checkbook. I can tell by the warm and sincere way she relates to kids in our own neighborhood that this is an activity that suits her maturity and selflessness well.”</p>

<p>I would not ask her to re-write the rec. I’d find someone else to do it. This person may hold a Ph.D. but can’t write for beans.</p>

<p>Find another person and give them a copy of your resume so they can reference it. Many times, poor rec letters are the fault of the student. When you ask for a recommendation and the person agrees to write it, give them a letter that goes something like this: Dear Person, Thank you for writing my rec letter for the Acme Scholarship (for admission to Acme University, Summer Internship Program, etc.). Acme is looking for candidates who have shown (for example) leadership and character. I believe I am a good fit for this scholarship for several reasons. First, my four years as the founder and president of the ABC Club has honed my leadership skills in the following ways (then list specifics). Second, I believe a good way to measure my character is by looking at the work I have done with our community (or whatever) group that promotes good character by exposing elementary school children to the Character Counts program. Finally, on a personal level, this scholarship will help me because (list why, including any financial need or other hardships). I am really looking forward to attending Acme University and the Acme scholarship will make that possible/easier- I intend to use the award for my books, which are estimated to cost about $XXX.00. They would like to have the letter by March 1, 2009. I have attached my resume for your reference, but please call me if you have any questions. Thank you, Joe Student
The idea is to make it as easy as possible for the letter writer to have all of your information at her fingertips. She isn’t likely to search out the Acme Scholarship requirements, so spell out what Acme is looking for and give the letter writer the option of using your examples if she likes. People are busy and some do not know exactly what to write, even if they are well educated. It is your job to let them know what you are looking for. Good luck.</p>

<p>Last year, a neighbour asked me to write him a letter of recommendation for Eagle Scout. I understand that it is a big honor to receive this award and it carry weight on college application. Therefore, needed to be taken seriously while writting a recommendation.</p>

<p>I frankly think that her recommendation is horrible. As a neighbour, she cannot possibly have “observed you develop…”, nor could she possibly know that you have “always” been aware of yourself…, and what is “precise with herself…” mean??? I would not ask her to correct it, I would simply ask someone else to write a new letter.</p>

<p>Following is an extract of the letter I wrote for him:</p>

<p>Dear Board of Review Members,
I trust these additional comments will help in your decision to award the rank of Eagle to xxx.</p>

<p>Although xxx’s faith in his religion is unknown to me, for we do not attend the same church, he certaintly demonstrates the core values of a good Christian. In the years that I have known him, xxx has consistently behaved in a respectful manner towards others and …</p>

<p>xxx write for his high school newspaper, which I believe serves the community as well as the school… Through his writings transpire a caring and well-adjusted young man.</p>

<p>In these days, when teenagers lose themselves so frequently, xxx remains faithful to his values and stand strong on his path, defying peer pressures. For this, he has my admiration.</p>

<p>Heyabl</p>

<p>I laught so hard when I read you comment. Thank you!</p>

<p>You have some really good reasons for not asking her to revise the letter. My son asked for a revision to a letter once, but it was presented to him before signing, and she asked if what she had written was ok. I agree that it is short though, and that it lacks details. </p>

<p>How about asking your best friend’s mom to write one for you, and ask her to write essentially the same thing as this other lady (who you don’t need to tell that you might not use her letter) but to include ways you interacted with other people and ways you have helped the community?</p>

<p>And you get to include more people in your quest for a great rec! Just be sure to thank them all and keep them updated! :)</p>

<p>To eucalyptus, I’ve been living in the same house for 17 years so this woman actually has watched me grow up, but thank you for your comments. Also, I did give her a resume and personally wrote a little letter explaining what I’d like her to do and what the scholarship was for. The thing about this is, there is a scale sheet that must be filled out along with the application, and the deadline is pretty close, (I have to turn this into my counselor by Friday) and the only other person I can think of that would write a good recommendation letter lives far away, and I do not feel comfortable forging her signature on the scale sheet or anything. She could write the letter but I would have to sign her name, and I do not feel right about that.(That sounds a little confusing, what I mean is she would email me the rec letter, and I would fill out any paperwork with her on the phone.) Anyways I’m thinking of asking this same woman to revise it and does anyone think that maybe she was unsure of what to write and just having an off day??? Because she is a very intelligent woman, worked for the school board and things like that so I’m sure she must be a capable person…I think that I will just bring her a cake and sit down and explain that I’d like her to mention why I deserve the scholarship, specifics about community service and grades, and also what her relationship to me is (like she’s known me all my life).</p>

<p>myolahome, thanks for the suggestion but my two best friend’s moms speak english as a second language and would not be able to do this. All my other friends mothers are either out of work chain smokers living off welfare, and I’m afraid I can’t think of one friend’s mom who would write a good one. They’re all nice (my two best friend’s moms anyways) they just don’t have a good grasp of english is all. But now that I look at everyone’s comments again, I think I’d like to ask if anyone thinks that the alternative I mentioned above sounds okay? The one about asking the family friend to write one, and then fill out the scale sheet and her signature myself? I would ask her for all the answers it would just be my handwriting?</p>

<p>I’m about to go over with my cake (I chose coffee, I think that’s safe). But I’m thinking that if the new one is not good then I’ll ask that family friend for one just in case. Also, I was going to ask her for rec letters for other scholarships but now I probably won’t. I really want to ask the family friend for a rec letter now, but I’d like someone’s opinion on the whole integrity thing? I really don’t like it, but everyone I know thinks I’m way too innocent and nice about everything but all the same I think I need an outside opinion.</p>

<p>hmf 123. She may have watched you grow up, but she did not “observed” you growing up. To observe implies “watching carefully in an analytical way”, as to observe certain behaviors, or “noted facts”, as in an experiment. Obviously, I am not aware of your specific situation.</p>

<p>Yeah, I can see what you mean now, and it sounds creepy.(what she wrote)</p>

<p>hmf123. Sorry, I did not mean to creep you out. This woman is a PHD (maybe science or the like). As such, she probably wrote tons of technical papers in her days. Overtime, her technical writing took over her day to day writing. That’s all.</p>

<p>No worries :), but if anyone could weigh in on the whole idea I had about the family friend that would be great???
I still haven’t gone to my neighbor’s house to ask for a revision, I have serious doubts about her, so I’m seriously thinking about just asking some random neighbor that my parents know or something to do me a favor.</p>

<p>Anyone have an opinion? Thanks :)</p>

<p>My opinion is that the rec needs to be written by someone who knows you, and the sincerity will shine through.</p>

<p>People aren’t necessarily looking for fancy language, and the Ph.D. used plenty of that, but her rec was about as hollow as a dead tree. </p>

<p>Personally I would much rather have a chain-smoking welfare mom write (errors intended) “she saved my kids life when she pulled my floating sun outta the pool and gave him CPR and I’ll alwayz admiir her for that” vs. what Ph.D. wrote about your inner strength, maturity, selflessness, artistic, academic, community activities, courtesy, courage, truth, balance, academic precision, intellectual, social, artistic domains, social leadership, patience, precision…[big inhale to catch breath]…did I leave anything out?</p>