can someone pls rate my essay on a 1-10 scale plsss, id really really appreciate it , thanks

<p>It’s been about 5 years. I’d be lying if I said I remembered the whole thing, only vague images occur to my mind now. Small snapshots, like for example the count full times the nurses pierced my skin with needles, my sworn enemies at the time, or the many different new faces wearing white gowns that entered my small cubicle. But perhaps with all the trauma and movement in the room, it was always difficult to recall anything from these tough days.</p>

<p>There is one thing I do recollect from that time though. Lunch time was beckoning, and just as the doctors informed us the other night I’d have Soup for breakfast, a good sandwich for lunch, back to soup for dinner, not exactly my cup of tea. So when my father came into my room with my favorite fast food sandwich it came to me as a shock. No, Not because of my sudden change of fortune, but because my dad was an adverse opposer of my eating fast food meals, he would think of it as a means of slowly killing oneself, and at the time, I just thought of it as my juicy, tasty, and guilty pleasure. In my eyes though, it seemed as though he’d given up all hope of me surviving for a moment.</p>

<p>It was the first time id actually been into these small cubicles. I’d seen them in movies before, but I’d never actually entered one. I always wondered why I never got one of these rooms whenever I went to see my doctor for a simple case of flu. I finally got one, and for me that was all I wanted. My parents wanted more , they wanted my health back, and perhaps that moment my dad walked in with my sandwich did more than just satisfying my taste buds. I like to believe that this was a moment where I actually came to realize the reason why good health ranks up so many peoples wish lists. I was so oblivious to as why that is the case, why health was so craved for. Now I know though, albeit by the tough way.</p>

<p>Ten years on and I find myself in the same children’s wing I was staying in those unfortunate days, though I enter that same wing as a healthier, more conscience Intern this time. I have learned so much in between these two visits, I have developed so much in between these two visits; I have gained so much more than my health from my last stay here. I have learned the value of it, which has caused me to nurture an ever growing infatuation with medicine, with all its beautiful and painful sides. </p>

<p>As I pass by those same cubicles, I see some new cubicles have been built, new cubicles to keep up to the increasing number of patients, patients all whom can still be called kids. These patients whose parents will do all within their powers to please and to make them so incognizant of their problems. Being able to help these children just as I was helped by all the plenty faces whom I saw rushing into and out of my room at my time at the hospital would be a dream, a dream that may have well been unfound were it not for my days here. What a fitting way it seems if one day, I am able to end the circle where it all began, right here.</p>

<p>It’s a touching essay, definitely. However, it’d be really beneficial if you were to post the essay topic too, so it could give the readers a guideline of what we’re supposed to be reading. Is this a college entrance essay, or an essay for a hig-school assignment? Regardless, share the motive behind it and we’ll be able to help out more efficiently.</p>

<p>Thanks for your time, and its a application essay for school just like a common app essay practice by my teacher the topic is to write something about what you would like to do in the future and what motivated you</p>

<p>O.K, got it.
If I were to really dissect it, I’d point out a few typos ( ‘‘id’’ , children’s, etc), but that can be easily fixed with Word, soit doesn’t pertain to the overall quality of the essay. </p>

<p>Your third sentence didn’t really make sense to me, " […] like for example <code>the count full times</code>he nurses…" but I get the jist of it. </p>

<p>’’ I have learned so much in between these two visits, I have developed so much in between these two visits; I have gained so much more than my health from my last stay here. I have learned the value of it, which has caused me to nurture an ever growing infatuation with medicine, with all its beautiful and painful sides.’’ Present perfect galore! This could be reprhased as:
“I have learned and developed so much in between those two visits, gaining much more than my health from my last stay here. I’d learned the value of it all, which caused me to nurture an ever-growing aspiration (infatuation is too superficial) for medicine, with all its beautiful and painful sides.”</p>

<p>Enhance some of the wording and I’d safely give it an 8 or even a little more. Take my advice with a grain a salt however, as I’m not a pro at Essay-critique! Hahaha, I’m just getting started with some essays of my own for that matter. Good luck!</p>

<p>Thank you very much, I really do appreciate your critique and I will further improve my essay based on your review. :)</p>

<p>I really like it, as AGoodFloridian said, it is quite touching. However, I was still a little confused during the beginning of the essay - why were you in the hospital? Were you sick? Did you injure something? I think if you added a few necessary, clarifying details, this essay would be very good. I would rate a 7 (but I’m not an experienced essay reader). Good luck, and have fun!</p>

<p>Thank you alot for your review cso</p>

<p>Pls keep the reviews coming guys</p>

<p>Bump10char</p>

<p>Bump10charr</p>

<p>it’s a nice essay but what unis r u applying for. that’s important to know in order to rank it</p>

<p>Im hoping to apply to cornell, duke, dartmouth and of the sort, but i cant see why that would make a difference, an essay is nice no matter where you send it if it is nice that is. Or is it??</p>