Can someone review my common app essay?

[johne213]

<p>The prompt is "Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story."</p>

<p>I'd like to get some advice before I submit to the Common App, thank you! </p>

[nbfanforever]

<p>sure you can send it to me </p>

[Oddorable]

<p>I can give you some input as well. Send it to me if you want!</p>