Can you help me with my two essays for LMU and Chapman, please?

<p>This is my commonapp.org essay that goes to both schools:</p>

<p>Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence</p>

<pre><code>Walking in Kindergarten, I was terrified. Actually, I wouldn’t quite qualify it as walking, seeing as though I was gripping on to my mother’s leg, praying that she wouldn’t leave me here and that she would take me home to watch more episodes of Barney. I remember my mom embracing me into a hug, a way of reminding me that she would always be there for me and that she knew I could overcome this fear. We call this “comforting;” she was providing me freedom from worry, telling me everything was going to turn out just fine.
At about eight years old, I joined a soccer team. My mother was never very involved in sports, never playing nor enjoying watching others play. Come game day, however, I remember watching this lady trudging on to such unfamiliar territory, lugging a lawn chair and a purse full of books and magazines to occupy her, and marking her spot on the side of the field with the rest of the parents to watch. Not knowing the specifics of soccer, (although I’m sure my teammates and I didn’t produce a riveting game) she would stay the entire time. Witnessing my devastation that my team didn’t made it to the little league playoffs, my mother would immediately start comforting me. My eight year old self yearned for this comforting, always making me feel like everything was going to be alright and washing my worries away.
The older I got, the less I relied on comforting and the less I appreciated her presence. After driving me to my first day of middle school, my mother kissed my head and told me she loved me. Humiliated of embarrassment, I prayed no one saw and quickly ran to class. All I could think was: I was not about to let the cute thirteen year old boys see me treated like a child by my mother! Did she not understand that I had to maintain a cool reputation? Of course, she was only there to buy me cute clothes and drive me where I needed to be. Personally, if I ever had to deal with myself at thirteen, I would dump the unappreciative brat on the side of the road. However my mother, full of love and patience, reminded this brat how much she loved her every day, not matter how unappreciative she was. No matter how horribly I treated her, whenever the world came crashing down she was always there to comfort me.
Now, entering my adulthood, I realize how fortunate I have been to have this type of mother, someone who loves me unconditionally and has always been a part of my life. In fact, I often find myself using her method to others around me. When a friend becomes angry or upset, I use my mom’s way of comforting to let he or she know that I am there for them and I know that they can overcome this. My mom has taught me so many things in life and has influenced me to become a better person to myself and others around me. She has molded me into someone just like her, filled with love and compassion, and that is someone I am now proud to be.
</code></pre>

<p>And this one is just to Loyola Marymount U:
Question:
In his homily at the Class of 2005’s Baccalaureate Mass, LMU’s President Fr. Robert Lawton, S.J., said: ‘‘So what is the answer to this deep insecurity we all feel? The answer, I think, is to embrace the adventure of becoming deeply, and fully, ourselves. This is what God is really calling us to. It seems like the riskiest of all journeys, this journey to be one self. But it’s ultimately the journey that leads us to happiness, that leads us into God’s dreams for us.’’</p>

<p>QUESTION 1: Why do you think Fr. Lawton says the ‘‘journey to be oneself’’ seems the riskiest of all journeys? What risks lie ahead in your college career as you embark on the ‘‘adventure’’ of discovering and becoming yourself?</p>

<p>ESSAY:
One day I came across a song called “I don’t know anything” by the band Mad Season. I don’t know how I came across this song, but I can tell you that I didn’t choose to download this and add it to my iPod library. The lyrics are literally “I don’t know anything, I don’t know anything, I don’t know anything…” over and over again. Mad Season’s music video includes people crowding, the drummer banging hard on his drums, and the shaggy-haired lead singer screaming into the microphone.<br>
It’s hard for me to understand how some people enjoy this type of music. I, myself, enjoy the soothing voice of Michael Buble or the sweet love songs of Brad Paisley. When I was middle school I rocked out to The Spice Girls and Britney Spears, a completely different genre of music. I slowly changed my selection of music throughout the years with no clear point of when I fully switched over. Was this from growing up or have I been influenced by media and my peers? This poses the question: What kind of music will I be listening to in years to come? I can’t imagine not carrying around a good country CD, but then again at thirteen I never thought a day would go by without listening to a song by Britney Spears. In ten years I could be popping in an orchestra CD to jam out in my car for all I know! I just don’t know.
When I first heard this “I don’t know anything” song I just thought it was silly. He doesn’t know anything? He obviously knows how to use a microphone and play that guitar, just like I know how to dance. I’ve been on a dance team for two years now and it is my love and passion. I love the girls on the team, I love the thrill of performing, and the whole experience has been amazing. However looking back on the past, I remember when soccer was my love and passion. I found so many thrills in kicking that ball around and scoring goals, things that now bore me. It’s incredible how different one can be after just a few years. Five years ago if you asked me what I would be when I was older I would quickly reply with, “Soccer player!” I would have never guessed that as a senior in high school I haven’t touched a soccer ball in years. Now, as I look into the future I predict I will be dancing in college and onward, but seeing how quickly I have changed my hobby in the past I question if that will really happen. I just don’t know.
I played soccer with Rachel. She was my best friend. We would steal my mom’s video camera and make movie after movie and just laugh with each other constantly. She would confide her deepest secrets to me, as I did her. We’d compare boys in school and chose who we would marry and pick out names for the children we were bound to have. She was responsible for my first kiss, I was sitting on her bed with my boyfriend and she yelled through the door, “Kiss her!” He finally got so embarrassed that he leaned over and gave me a wet, uncomfortable kiss while completely missing my lips. Of course, we still stayed up all night while I told her how magical it was.
I’m not friends with Rachel anymore. Do you see a pattern? At points in my life I think I have everything figured out: the music I like, the sports I play, the friends I love, then in a matter of years everything changes. When Fr. Lawrence said that the journey to be oneself seems the riskiest of all journeys, I believe he was referring to the fact that none of us have a clue what lies ahead. There are so many risks ahead of me as I enter college, but I have no clue what they are. All I can do is prepare and follow my heart with the things I believe will remain true. I believe I will make a great screenwriter, entertain audiences across the world with my stories. I also am accepting the fact that I may never become a screenwriter; I may end up being an astronaut and flying to Mars one day. I just don’t know, but there’s no harm in trying.</p>

<p>Thank you so much!</p>

<p>Good essays. Are you applying for the fall as a freshman?</p>

<p>Okay while i think the sentiment is good and very heartfelt in the first essay you really need to revise it when it comes to issues like run on sentences. And in regards to your second essay i’m sorry but you really failed to answer the question, you only address the question in one line at the very end of your essay. It is supposed to test your critical thinking and analysis skills and all you write is pretty much write is an autbiography. I would really consider rewriting this or at the very least analyze and actually answer the question in more detail.</p>