Please review my uc personal statement

<p>It is my first draft for the prompt: Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>

<p>One of my biggest fears in life stems from someone that I do not know personally, but from someone my mom complains about. Because of this woman at her work, my mom doesn’t get a raise. The reason is that her boss has to pay for his thirty year-old daughter’s bills. She has a job, and still asks daddy for money? When my mom tells us about this, I immediately become afraid for my life. Not my life, like my well-being, but my life as in my future in this world. As corny as this may sound, I really look up to my parents in the sense that they did not even graduate college, yet they can support their family and even their parents financially without much trouble. That’s my goal in life, to be self-reliant and not dependent on my parent’s money and to be able to take care of my parents the way they care for me now.
I play basketball and golf, two sports that are nothing like each other. The sports won’t do anything for me financially since I won’t be playing them for a living, but they did teach me valuable lessons that I live by now. In basketball, I used to be really mean. If I got beat and my teammates didn’t help me out, I would get angry and yell at them or just glare at them. If they didn’t make a basket, I would be mad. Blaming everyone made the situation worse. Playing golf was a different story. If things weren’t going well, there was nobody to get angry with except myself. I had to take responsibility for myself and not be so stubborn to making mistakes. I had to realize that making mistakes only makes a person better. I took my lesson in golf to basketball, telling myself that I could only fix myself and I can’t rely on my teammates to turn my wrongs into something right. As a result, my teammates weren’t afraid of me and my stress level went down about twenty notches.
Being independent not only has an impact on my basketball game, but also on my high school life. Many of my friends wouldn’t do something unless the whole group does it. But I am not like that. My freshman year I tried out for the golf team and I was the only person from my group of friends to do so. I also got a job my junior year because I wasn’t going to wait for my friends to want to get a job at the mall and we all apply together. The lady from my mom’s work and my basketball career have shaped my personality from being reliant on my family and friends to going out and getting what I want, whether my friends want to join me or not. Although I enjoy company of others, I don’t need their approval to achieve my dreams.</p>