<p>Edited down to 271 words. Do the same with your other essays.</p>
<p>For much of my childhood, one of my goals was to be everything my dad was when he was living. Since he wasnt around, I had to go by what I saw in pictures or video or was told about him. I strove to emulate everything he had been until one day, I stumbled across my mothers diary and learned that no man, even my father, was perfect. The man I had been creating in my mind was an ideal that I believed a father should be. He was strong and firm, but loving and caring. I didnt believe he was fallible. So when I read the diary and learned that he did make mistakes, my Dad became even more important to me. Suddenly, I was freed from the expectations to live up to the example he set. I went from failing as an athlete to flourishing as an artist, and from striving to be tough to striving to be a compassionate. Essentially, I found my true self. For a while, I wondered if I was shaming my father by not emulating him in every way. I soon realized, however, that a father, whether living or dead, would love his son unconditionally. Today, I try my best to blend the examples he has set for me with my own passions and dreams. I know that as he watches over me, he is proud of everything I do. He will always guide me from above with a firm hand, knowing exactly when to push me along and when to let me figure it out on my own. My dad, the ideal father.</p>
<p>I could do without the unsolicited advice about how to be a good teacher.
I have not given more advice than you. I have only cut down on the words Ilcapo used. Those that remain are his own as are the sentiments he expressed.</p>
<p>Also............this is the same thing that any parent, guidance counselor, english teacher would do. Sadly, those people in my life are rather lazy haha</p>
<p>Ilcapo, pay attention to nngmm's advice; if you are sending the paper app, you need only be sure you can fit it into the space. </p>
<p>As for the essay, I think Marite's cuts are helpful. However, especially knowing you are an artist and a photographer, I would like to challenge you to make the writing more vivid. When you say, "I had to go by what I saw in pictures or video or was told about him," I was hoping for a mental picture of the way you imagined your father playing football, or looking tall, or something. It's good that you are talking mostly here about internal qualities like strength, firmness, love, and caring, but these would be stronger if you could start out giving us a picture of your father as he was in your mind when you were growing up. </p>
<p>Then, at the moment you find the diary, again, I would like to see that scene more vividly. Maybe mention where the diary was (in the basement when you were looking for your soccer cleats?), or what it looked like (leather bound? looseleaf?). The finding of the diary is the emotional turning-point of the piece. We need to be stopped in our tracks here. Make the sentences here different from the others -- shorter, maybe -- to give them more impact. It is clear that you don't want to divulge what you read in the diary, but still I think it would be stronger if you would show some of the shock or disappointment you felt when you read those first words that opened your eyes. You tell it too breezily right now. </p>
<p>At the end I did miss those contrasts you drew before between you and your father, re the athlete vs. the artist, the Republican vs. the Democrat. Specifics grab our attention.</p>
<p>I know they call these things "essays," but when they're alive they're really stories, imho. You have a powerful story here. Don't be afraid to tell it.</p>
<p>What other essays are you sending? The one about the protesters for the long essay?
And the one about mail?</p>
<p>I like all of Aparent's suggestions. They are particularly apt for someone presenting himself as interested in the arts. BUT, yikes, they would increase the length of the essay. Maybe it's okay. Aparent has experience with the Princeton application.
My S hewed to the word count limits and when his essay was printed out, it only filled half the page provided on the Common Application (for some reason, the font comes out tiny). It actually looks a bit forlorn!</p>
<p>aparent - if you could only have seen the first versions of ALL my essays. they are typically descriptive to no end...but i don't have the room for all that stuff, and everyone here has told me that repeatedly. i try to retain as much of my writing style as possible, but it becomes quite difficult. i am going to try my best to add some more flavor without more words - but be prepared to read it again when i post the revision :)</p>
<p>Re: Space on the app - there are no spaces, they tell you to attach the essays on another piece of paper...so I could probably stick with what I have and not make cuts? I'm not too familiar with how admissions officers recieve longer essays. My assumption would be that if they see a kid is trying to keep one long, and two short, and is applying early and took the time to do it - then they will take the time to read it.</p>
<p>The 3 required essays I am sending are:</p>
<p>1) Protest (Long)
2) Dad (Short)
3) Mail (Short)</p>
<p>Ever since I was a kid I was different I never shared the same dream of becoming a cop or a firefighter like the other kids, i didnt like the idea of being the same as everyone else I wanted to be unique, and that is why I would tell my friends I wanted to be an engineer, and i would be the only one to choose something other than anyone else. I always wanted to find out how things worked, and loved the fact that my father could explain to me how everything functioned. My father used to work on full size plane engines which just left me dazzled by how stunning and remarkable these mechanisms were, I used to beg my father to go with him to work, to the point where I would start crying. I would wait the whole year for the bring your kids to work day where they would demonstrate how an engine operated.
As time passed my fathers job changed and we had to move to the Middle East. Moving to the Middle East was a changing point in life, the fact of how chaotic schools were altered me. I fell in a deep hole that took me a while to get out from. For the first couple of years I struggled to adapt to my new environment, and me and my family were constantly moving from one country to another, and from one school to the other, but at the end I became used to it and got out of that deep hole but hopefully it was not too late. It’s best to have failure happen early in life. It wakes up the Phoenix bird in you so you rise from the ashes. Baxter, Anne
After doing so bad in 10th grade I woke to the truth I was somehow revived at last. Starting 11th grade was like starting all over again, the feeling of success was never sweeter nor more fascinating. The school i attended was the closest thing to the way I used to learn in the states, I also found the subject I enjoyed most which was concepts of engineering, the introduction of my once lost dream rejuvenated me even more, reminding me of the past and of what I have always desired to become. In that class I built marvelous machines from catapults to Rube Goldberg. It was like I was doing the thing that I was created to do. My ability to lead people in sports and clubs was certainly needed in my engineering class; it actually made me standout as the obvious leader.
After 11th grade I became passionate about engineering all over again and became in love with Da Vinci and his spectacular inventions which just left wanting to know more and more about engineering and how things work. I have seen the beauty of engineering and dont want to go back to the shadows that I’ve been living in for too long. For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return. Leonardo da Vince</p>