Essay help please!

Parents Forum
1

<p>Can someone look over this 200 word essay? thank you so much. Its for the UC prompt #3- Is there anything you would like us to know about you or your academic record that you have not had the opportunity to describe elsewhere in the application?</p>

<pre><code>“Final boarding call for flight 657, Los Angeles to Bejing, China.” I hugged my father as I fought to hold back the tears. Saying bye to him was a routine that occurred twice a year, yet it was always hard for me. Each time he leaves, my sense of feeling like a family dissipates. My parents are happily married, but for as long as I can remember, my father has always worked in China.

Growing up, I didn’t have a father figure in my home and my mother was constantly working. My parents weren’t there to ask me how my day went or to remind me to do my homework. I decided early on that I would have to guide and push myself through life. I found my motivation to try my hardest in school when I looked at how hard my parents had to work because they didn’t get a higher education. I challenged myself to reach new heights by taking rigorous classes and getting good grades in them. My parents may of not taught me how to ride a bike or how to swim, but they taught me something much more important. They taught me how to be independent.
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<p>THANKS!</p>

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<p>I like it. It's a positive spin on growing up without your dad around, and I think colleges will react favorably to your independence.</p>

<p>You are writing it like an essay, and I'm not sure you need to. I think they really are looking for 'extra' information, and it doesn't have to be creative writing. But, then again, it's probably allowed to be, so....</p>

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<p>I liked it too. In the first paragraph, you have used the past and present tense in your sentences. Stick to one of them. For example:
"Saying bye to him was a routine that occurred twice a year, yet it was always hard for me. Each time he leaves, my sense of feeling like a family dissipates."</p>

<p>And you could just say 'family' instead of 'feeling like a family'.</p>

4

<p>I like the creative element in your essay! "may of not taught me...." should read "may HAVE not taught me..." Best of luck! ~berurah</p>