Can't afford college. Period.

Paying for College
1

<p>Hey, I know this post is really original, but I dunno, I've just been having so much anxiety over all of this. I don't know, I just feel like I've hit rock bottom.</p>

<p>Problem is I can't afford college. At all. I did pretty good in high school, and I worked my butt off. My family is very big and they make "too much money" apparently to get any financial aid. The thing is, I'm not getting ANY of that money they make. My parents feel very strongly about Catholic school, and insist on sending my four siblings to Catholic school, so there is absolutely no money left after that. At all. So I'm left to pay the EFC by myself.</p>

<p>I got into the school I really really wanted to go to, but I couldn't go because I couldn't afford it. But the thing is, I can't afford to go anywhere! Even the state schools, I would have to take out 40k+ in loans just so I can commute there. </p>

<p>My parents wanted me to go to Seton Hall, so that's where I'm currently a Freshman. They gave me some money, but I still had to take out loans for over 10k for this year and I have to commute (so it's basically the same as it would be for a state school). I had to work my butt off to buy my own car, and pay for maintenance, insurance, gas, etc. I'm halfway through my first year...and I just can't do this anymore. I feel like an alien being a commuter, and I can't make any friends as they're all partying in their dorms and I just feel so alienated from the "college life". I go to classes, punch in, go home. And not only that, but then I have to go to work so I can pay for my car and my books, leaving me with practically no money at the end of the month. Then, I can't even get peace at home. My parents are sooooo controlling, never let me go out, and my siblings (all of whom are younger than me) are sooooooo annoying. I have to share a very small room with two of them, and all I hear is crying all the time, and my parents yelling and screaming. There's not a second of peace or privacy in this house. And I'm supposed to be able to study with all of this? And then I have to babysit them almost freakin' every day after school and on the weekends.</p>

<p>I mean, I know I sound like a real complainer but c'mon. I wanna grow up. I don't wanna be controlled by my parents, live among my crying little siblings, work my butt off all day at school and work just to come home to babysit my siblings, and then on top of all this graduate with over 40k in debt? No, I'm not doing it.</p>

<p>It's only been half a year, and I can't take it anymore. I really don't know what to do. I have no money, I'm already in debt, and all of these scholarships I apply for consistently reject me. C'mon, I worked hard in high school, and I'm trying to work hard in college, all of that for nothing. Most of my friends don't even have jobs but get to be away from home at college, live among their friends, be "independent", study with their friends, wake up and roll out of bed nice and late for class, make friends easily, and party every weekend. And I have to get up at 5:00 every morning so I can scrape all the snow off my crappy car and try to warm it up (which takes forever), then come home to my screaming parents and crying sisters, babysit them, go to work, do my homework, babysit my siblings again, and then <em>try</em> to fall asleep, hopefully by the earliest of 1:00 AM.</p>

<p>I don't now. Like, I said, I',m so sorry for this ranting complaint. I know there are a lot more people who are going through crap MUCH worse than my situation. I just feel at a low point, and I guess I needed to vent. I feel like I have no one to tell my problems to, and all my parents do is yell and punish me for voicing one peep of complaint. I really don't know what to do. I have almost no friends, I'm tired, I'm exhausted, and I'm deeply worried. If anybody has any advice, I would appreciate greatly. Thank you.</p>

2

<p>I’m so sorry :(</p>

<p>You don’t sound like you’re just complaining to me :frowning: Have you tried talking to your counselor about this and explaining the situation you’re in? They might help you out.</p>

3

<p>Have you started second semester? If not, arrange to take a leave of absence now. Concentrate on working for now, and start making a new list of colleges to apply to. Look for places that offer merit-based aid and that also will still consider you to be a freshman applicant. Yes you will be trapped at home for a bit longer, but you should be able to come up with some options that won’t leave you with 10k of debt for each year.</p>

4

<p>It sounds like you’re way overwhelmed. I can’t judge your parents financial decision but it sounds like they are giving you some money for tuition and they’re giving you room and board. Just so you know, a lot of young people do not get to live on campus and party every weekend. $40K in loans is a LOT. Maybe you should sit out a semester, work and save some money? Would it be possible to take a few community college classes to cut down costs?</p>

5

<p>Your life sounds truly awful !! Could you go to your priest or some counseling at Seton Hall ? Maybe you could get a room nearby in exchange for some babysitting and handyman type help ? You need some quiet time for yourself . I see Seton Hall students almost every day , and they look like a lively bunch ! Good luck !What about relatives who live nearby ?</p>

6

<p>You need to stop this now.</p>

<p>If the second semester hasn’t started, then go to a CC. for the next 3 semesters. There’s no point to this kind of debt for SHU…especially since you’re having to commute.</p>

<p>If your parents won’t pay for SHU, then they really shouldn’t be demanding where you go.</p>

<p>How much exactly are your parents giving you for SHU? What is your EFC (or the amount that SHU expects you to pay? ) Did SHU give you any merit?</p>

<p>I got into the school I really really wanted to go to, but I couldn’t go because I couldn’t afford it.</p>

<p>Your situation is unfortunate because you might have had the stats to get a better scholarship as an incoming frosh at another school. </p>

<p>You need to tell your parents that your school and job will prevent you from being a daily babysitter in the future. </p>

<p>all my parents do is yell and punish me for voicing one peep of complaint.</p>

<p>Oh good heavens! What are they doing to “punish you”? (how do you punish a college kid???)</p>

<p>Look for places that offer merit-based aid and that also will still consider you to be a freshman applicant.</p>

<p>Are there such schools that will still consider you a frosh applicant for merit purposes? If so, which ones are they? Usually once you’ve gone to college, you’re no longer a “freshman applicant” for merit.</p>

7

<p>Look in to joining the armed forces. You’ll be treated like a grown up. You’ll have to share a room, but it won’t be with whining siblings and you’ll have plenty of friends to party with. Even if you’re not ready to do this, you can use it as leverage to start an adult conversation with your parents about how much pressure you’re under. I wouldn’t emphasize the I want to party aspect, but no quiet place to study and being an unpaid babysitter are valid points. The only schools cheaper than 10k are community colleges. It won’t change the crappy commuter aspect, but it will relieve some debt anxiety.</p>

8

<p>I am sorry for your situation. I know that it can be extremely difficult to study in some households. I used to work at an urban school where many students had very difficult homes but could not afford to live away. Some of them got around it by staying on campus to study or by going to libraries, coffee shops, or other quiet public places to study. They would spend as little time as possible at home. You may want to try that … if your parents complain about you being gone so much, do not answer with negatives about how it is at home. Instead, explain to them that it is easier for you to focus on your work in the library. Be positive. Tell them that you are making a very big investment in yourself, and you want to do your best … you want to make them proud. Put a positive spin on it. See if you can get a job near school so that you will be able to spend as much time as possible on and around campus. You will eventually meet more people and feel more connected. If you need to transfer to another school that will cost less, these suggestions still apply. I do think it would be a good idea to try to cut your costs by at least going to a community college for all the classes you can (talk to an advisor at the CC in order to make an educational plan).</p>

<p>Please know that while there are students who seem to have it easy, there are many more in your shoes. I understand how difficult things are for you, and how much you wish it could be easier/better. Unfortunately, it is what it is. I can tell you that you are not alone, because I worked at a school where many of the students wished it could be different. The good news is, college is the blink of an eye in the story of your life. You can still have a happy, successful life even if you don’t have the college experience you wish you could have.</p>

9

<p>You have a couple options. You could continue at Seton Hall, but instead of going home each day, study on campus until you need to drive to your job, and then go directly to work. After work, if you have time, go somewhere to study like a library or cafe that stays open late. Then, go home, and go to bed. Your second option would be to take a leave or withdraw from Seton immediately. Find a room to rent or apartment to share and work like crazy. Take classes part time if you can afford it at a community college. There is no rush to finish college, but you do need to have space on your own and to get out from under your parents and babysitting. Your parents can not demand that you come directly home from college each day - lots of courses require study groups, lab time, etc. I know they are giving you money, but that is basically babysitting pay, and it’s too hard on you. You didn’t choose to have those kids, your parents did. It may be worth it to you to take college more slowly but be out on your own with some freedom. Good luck!
(My mother quit school and got married because she was in much the same sort of situation; had to babysit nieces and nephews all the time, lived at home and never had privacy/quiet to study, etc. She still wonders what would have happened if she had not married my dad, and completed her studies…)</p>

10

<p>

Second the suggestion to move out. It’s hard and scary, but you are 18 (I assume) and your parents can’t stop you. I left at 18 and never looked back.</p>

11

<p>Thank you for all the friendly responses guys, I really appreciate it.</p>

<p>Have you tried talking to your counselor about this and explaining the situation you’re in?</p>

<p>Yes, I have. I still have yet to complete my session with him, but it’s been kinda difficult to get there at their available hours. My counselor was very loving and everything, but it basically came down to “well, it sucks, but it is what it is”, a nice existential answer, but it doesn’t really help me.
**
Have you started second semester? If not, arrange to take a leave of absence now. Concentrate on working for now, and start making a new list of colleges to apply to. Look for places that offer merit-based aid and that also will still consider you to be a freshman applicant. Yes you will be trapped at home for a bit longer, but you should be able to come up with some options that won’t leave you with 10k of debt for each year. **</p>

<p>I’ve already started second semester, but I’ve been trying to look for some colleges to maybe transfer to, but they’re kinda all the same =P. ie, are going to cost the same amount, etc. And I don’t know what they would be willing to give to a transfer.</p>

<p>**It sounds like you’re way overwhelmed. I can’t judge your parents financial decision but it sounds like they are giving you some money for tuition and they’re giving you room and board. Just so you know, a lot of young people do not get to live on campus and party every weekend. $40K in loans is a LOT. Maybe you should sit out a semester, work and save some money? Would it be possible to take a few community college classes to cut down costs? **</p>

<p>I could try taking CC classes, but I don’t really know if taking a year of cc classes would help, since I’m already in my second semester of freshman year, and it would only cut the price by around 10k, and I’d still have to do the whole “routine”. And no, they’re not giving me any money for tuition or R&B.</p>

<p>**
Your life sounds truly awful !! Could you go to your priest or some counseling at Seton Hall ? Maybe you could get a room nearby in exchange for some babysitting and handyman type help ? You need some quiet time for yourself . I see Seton Hall students almost every day , and they look like a lively bunch ! Good luck !What about relatives who live nearby ?** </p>

<p>I’m going to continue my counseling session as soon as I can, and I’m gonna try to see about seeing a priest. I’ll take that advice about trying to get a room nearby, though I don’t know if it’s possible. And I know, I would literally do anything to just have 10 mins of time alone just once a week. And my closest relative is in Manalapan =P Thank you for the advice though.</p>

<p>**If your parents won’t pay for SHU, then they really shouldn’t be demanding where you go.</p>

<p>How much exactly are your parents giving you for SHU? What is your EFC (or the amount that SHU expects you to pay? ) Did SHU give you any merit?**</p>

<p>I honestly don’t mind SHU, though it wasn’t my first or second choice. The thing is, no matter where I go I would be paying the same price and in the same situation. </p>

<p>They’re not giving me anything, and my EFC was nearly the whole tuition (except for the allotted loans IIRC). And yes, SHU did give me merit, but the price is the same as the state schools (Rutgers, Montclair, etc), which is still a hefty burden for me.</p>

<p>**You need to tell your parents that your school and job will prevent you from being a daily babysitter in the future. **</p>

<p>I know, I’ve sorta tried to hint at that, but my mom just yells at me and cries saying stuff like “I went to work everyday to pay for Catholic high school, and you can’t help me with things?”, and my dad was on welfare when he was little so he sees this whole college thing as an extreme luxury (which it kinda is I guess).</p>

<p>**
Oh good heavens! What are they doing to “punish you”? (how do you punish a college kid???)**</p>

<p>Usually by not letting me drive, or making me stay in my room =P</p>

<p>**
Are there such schools that will still consider you a frosh applicant for merit purposes? If so, which ones are they? Usually once you’ve gone to college, you’re no longer a “freshman applicant” for merit. **</p>

<p>I’m not sure, I don’t think so.</p>

<p>**Look in to joining the armed forces. You’ll be treated like a grown up. You’ll have to share a room, but it won’t be with whining siblings and you’ll have plenty of friends to party with. Even if you’re not ready to do this, you can use it as leverage to start an adult conversation with your parents about how much pressure you’re under. I wouldn’t emphasize the I want to party aspect, but no quiet place to study and being an unpaid babysitter are valid points. The only schools cheaper than 10k are community colleges. It won’t change the crappy commuter aspect, but it will relieve some debt anxiety. **</p>

<p>I honestly thought about joining the Army recently. I doubt know if I’m cut out for it, and I really don’t wanna do it, but if it has to be done, it has to be done. It’s my last resort, and if I can’t can’t find a solution by next year, I think I’m gonna seriously consider it. I really wouldn’t wanna go, and it scared me to death, but I guess I’d just have to do it. It just kinda ticks me off that I did good in high school, worked my butt off, currently have a 4.0, but just cuz I don’t have money I get punished =P. </p>

<p>** Some of them got around it by staying on campus to study or by going to libraries, coffee shops, or other quiet public places to study. They would spend as little time as possible at home. You may want to try that … if your parents complain about you being gone so much, do not answer with negatives about how it is at home. Instead, explain to them that it is easier for you to focus on your work in the library. Be positive. Tell them that you are making a very big investment in yourself, and you want to do your best … you want to make them proud. Put a positive spin on it. See if you can get a job near school so that you will be able to spend as much time as possible on and around campus.**</p>

<p>I know, it’s really difficult to talk to my parents, I feel like they’re so disconnected from the world. Anytime I talk about making friends or anything, they yell at me saying “education comes first”, and if I needing study time, they just keep telling me I’m “complaining” -___-</p>

<p>Again, thank you everyone for your responses and advice, I appreciated all of it =) Hopefully, I can find some solution.</p>

12

<p>Just remember the army isn’t the only branch of the armed forces. For a good student and a hard worker the air force or navy is much better in my opinion. Also does Seton Hall have ROTC? You’ll still have to serve, but you’ll be older and they pay great for college tuition and R&B and you’ll get buff.</p>

13

<p>Saving 10k by going to CC is still saving 10k.</p>

<p>Do you have a good enough friend that might live closer to SHU with their own family, or even one that just has some roommates? Would you be able to talk to them about staying with them at least during the rest of this school year to get out of the current home situation you are in and allow you some quiet to think about some future options?</p>

<p>True, there are different branches of the Armed Forces and typically the Air Force pf Navy offer jobs options (called Military Occupational Specialties) that better prepare the enlisted person for real world job skills and technical experience, like more technological or specialty fields. Better yet, after enlistment you may qualify for Veteran Affairs educational benefits to help pay for college in the future. If you’re seriously considering that route I would suggest just speaking with a local recruiter to see what current MOS fields are open and what the qualifications might be. . . and they MIGHT be truthful to you about how the daily military life grind is.</p>

14

<p>

It appears that a big part of the problem here that you can’t stand up to your parents’ bullying. The answer to your mother’s question is a calm and serious “No, I’m sorry, but can’t help you with babysitting while working, attending classes and studying. I’ve tried, and it’s not possible. You’ll have to make other babysitting arrangements.” Then you end the discussion by not participating in it any further, just walking away and, if challenged, saying “I’ve said all I have to say on this subject and I won’t be changing my mind.”
You may need to practice saying these words and screw up your courage, especially if challenging your parents’ authority is a cultural or family taboo. As for “making” you stay in your room, c’mon. No one can keep an 18-year old in his or her room. You sound very intimidated by your parents. It’s something you need to learn to deal with sooner rather than later. (Many on CC have recommended a book called “Toxic Parents”, which you may want to take out from the library you help with some spine strengthening.) With the babysitting obligations gone, you’ll be able to hang around campus in the evenings, studying in the library and participating in school events and organizations, so you’re able to socialize more and feel more a part of the campus. I think this would make a huge difference in your life.</p>

15

<p>

I do think if op is going to live there that he/she should contribute to the household in some way. It’s not really reasonable for an adult student to expect to have a roof, food prepared, clothing washed, etc. like the rest of the family is their personal servant staff. In the few months after I began work and before I moved out from home I had to pay rent. And if op were on his/her own, they would have to do their own laundry and maintain their own apartment/room, etc. </p>

<p>Maybe it would be better to say something like “I can do A, B, and C. I can’t babysit this week, but I will clean X, yada, yada…”</p>

16

<p>Most parents whose 18-year-old is attending college full time entirely on his own dime and holding down a job would be more than happy to give the minimal support of a roof and meals (and who said OP doesn’t do her own laundry?) without making unreasonable demands. Lending a hand is one thing. Daily babysitting at the parents command to such an extent that the student has no personal life is something else.</p>

17

<p>I would also suggest approaching your parents with a compromise. Something along the lines of- “I really can’t continue to babysit ALL of the time or my grades are going to start suffering, I need to be spending more time in the library, but I am willing to babysit during these times xxx”.</p>

<p>If one of my adult children who was living with me for free came to me and said basically “I am not going to help at the house anymore, I’ve said all I have to say on this subject and I won’t be changing my mind”’ I don’t think it would go over too well.</p>

<p>Approaching your parents in that way when you don’t live with them and are self supporting is one thing- Talking to them like that when you are an adult living with them for free probably isn’t a good idea. Just my opinion.</p>

18

<p><a href=“and%20who%20said%20OP%20doesn’t%20do%20her%20own%20laundry?”>B</a> **</p>

<p>I’m a guy lol, and I do some of my laundry, but I share a lot of clothes with my brother, so my parents thankfully do those.</p>

<p>And I agree that if I’m not gonna be paying rent, I need to pull my own weight. But how much is my own weight? I mean, c’mon. Most people I know’s parents just gave them money for college and they get to live on their own with no strings attached. I mean, c’mon. I don’t get it. I know I’m just being selfish and jealous now. goddd, I just don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I just can’t put up with all of this for another year, even just finishing out this semester is going to be extremely hard for me, especially considering it’s starting to snow now and I just pray my car works. </p>

<p>I know I have to stand up to my parents, and I’ve done it privately, if you kinda understand. Like, I’ll sneak out a couple times, though it’s really hard, but when i’m able to do it, it’s great. Though I won’t get any sleep that whole day. But as for standing up to them to their face, I dunno. I mean, they consider it a luxury for me being able to stay at their house, so I’m supposed to complain about this “luxury”? Their only advice when I voice any kind of polite complaint, is to yell at me crying and say “THEN MOVE OUT THEN”. Believe me, I’d really really like to, but I don’t know how I would even begin to afford it. And even if I do bust my butt to be able to afford it, then what I don’t go to school? I don’t know how I’d be able to have time to go to school. Plus, I think my parents hinted at not covering my health insurance if I move out, so that could be a problem.</p>

<p>I dunno, I really hope I find some kind of answers. All of your advice has been great, thank you so much. And does anybody have more info on jobs in the military?</p>

19

<p>Here’s a link to the ROTC program at Seton Hall, it should be worth looking into.</p>

<p>[Department</a> of Military Science - Army ROTC - Seton Hall University, New Jersey](<a href=“http://www.shu.edu/offices/rotc-index.cfm]Department”>http://www.shu.edu/offices/rotc-index.cfm)</p>

<p>As for the rest, your feelings of jealousy toward the other students are completely understandable. As a parent, I wouldn’t want my child to have to work as hard as you have to, but some children are not as lucky, and some children have parents who could not give anything anyway. You’re on a difficult road, and I can understand how frustrating that must be. I know a young man in a similar situation, and he hasn’t even tried to go to college since his parents started making him pay rent once he graduated from high school. It’s great that you’ve committed yourself to getting a college education despite the difficulties in your home life! </p>

<p>I think you’ve gotten some good advice to spend as little time as possible at home if it’s so miserable to be there. If you can save up enough money next summer, it may be possible to rent a room closer to school. Your school will have some kind of message board where you can post a request or see what is available. You should also meet with someone in the financial aid department and explain your situation carefully and completely. Let them know your parent’s money is going to K-12 Catholic schools. Let them know you’re considering dropping out because of your home situation, and because of finances. Maybe there’s some kind of room and board they can offer you. Keep trying!!! You’re getting a great life lesson in self-support, as painful as it may be.</p>

20

<p>Is it possible that if you established your independence (financially and geographically) that you would qualify for more financial aid? </p>

<p>I’m not sure how you would qualify as indepedent, but here are some guidelines:</p>

<p>[CollegeData</a> - Pay Your Way - Your Declaration of Independence](<a href=“http://www.collegedata.com/cs/content/content_payarticle_tmpl.jhtml?articleId=10080]CollegeData”>Financial Aid for Independent Students | CollegeData)</p>

<p>It does say this:</p>

<p>What if the government considers you dependent for financial aid purposes, but your parents do not contribute any money toward your education? In most cases, financial aid officers will be happy to discuss your personal situation with you. They are a good source of information and advice on how to proceed. You may need to negotiate with those officers or make other plans to finance your college education, such as securing sufficient scholarships, obtaining personal loans, or working extra hours.</p>