Care to Grade My Practice SAT Essay?

<p>I'm using the Blue Book to Practice for the SAT. I'd like so people to grade my essay to gain some feedback. I'd like to note in advance that I mostly took my support from literature but the novel I wrote about is still a little foggy in my mind so it may or may not be completely accurate. Every thing I have typed is exactly word for word, punctuation and all. I gave myself 25 minutes on the essay.</p>

<p>Quote Given: Many people believe that our government should do more to solve our problems. After all, how can one individual create more jobs or make roads safer or improve the schools or help to provide any of the other benefits that we have come to enjoy. And yet expecting that the government--rather than individuals--should always come up with the solutions to society's ills may have made us less self-reliant, undermining our independence and self-sufficiency.</p>

<p>Assignment: Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general? Plan ad write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Essay Response:
Through the course of time, communities have often been maintained by way of authoritative individuals and groups. In lieu of autocratic rule and order, corruption and greed have resulted in most cases. This is discreetly depicted through the political and social perspectives of Orwellian literature, most notably Animal Farm.</p>

<p>In the novel, Animal Farm, common animals take the place of what would theoretically be a group of citizens under the rule of a ruthless tyrant.. As the previous leader of Animal Farm, Old Major, succumbed to an inevitable death, the protagonist, a pig named snowball, becomes an individual that the other animals trust to guide them. Not soon after, another pig named Napoleon begins to overtake Animal Farm and its citizens by threats, crude regulations, and shockingly death. Snowball attempts to lead a rebellion against the tyrant in order to preserve justice and equality in Animal Farm. Without the guidance and support of Snowball against Napoleon's corrupt regime, Animal Farm would have ultimately fallen. Snowball, himself, would represent the valiant citizen who takes the initiative to protect his community, the animals are the uninformed public, and Napoleon the tyrant ruler. If individuals neglect to protect and support their community and its daily functions they may face the risk of corruption and disillusionment.</p>

<p>In essence, the general public should become more proactive in the daily run of its community. Without awareness society may fall victim to the very tragic government-inspired policies and regulations that Orwell illustrated.</p>

<p>Don’t worry about it, just give it a midrange. That is what I did with D1. The online tests from CB often gave her a 10 but in real SAT she received a 12.</p>

<p>…Perhaps… a 6? It’s much too short and does not provide sufficient examples to back up your argument.</p>

<p>^OK. I’m assuming you mean a 6 out of a possible 12? You may be right about the length but the hand written essay was almost 1 and a 1/2 pages in length and we are only given 25 minutes to write it. I do think I should have written some more example, I ran out of time.</p>

<p>Does anyone else have any feedback on my essay. I’d appreciate it.</p>

<p>Maybe a 8-9/12? You really need more than one example. Your argument really wasn’t that clear in the only example you gave. Obviously you wrote about the plot of Animal Farm and you define the symbolism of each of the characters but when relating it back to the prompt you fell apart. When reading the essay a second time I can understand the necessity of snowball’s actions and the consequences that arise if they don’t happen. The main problem is that by your logic, at least without more examples, not taking part in creating jobs/roads leads to tyrannical rule. I think this example would more correctly answer a prompt regarding subservience. </p>

<p>Perhaps with another one or two examples (personally I would choose to write on RP McMurphy in One Flew Over the Cookoo’s Nest and Toissant L’ouverture regardign the haitian revolution of 1804) you could have distinguished your opinion and developed it more thoroughly. Learn to write fast!</p>

<p>It’s good!!! But if you want a 12/12 or 10/12 then you should have 2 examples. This is good though, esp with this prompt. I wouldn’t be able to give an example/examples with a prompt like this</p>

<p>90% of essays over 400 words on the SAT earn 12s</p>

<p>This is coming from someone who got an 11.
If you want to get into the double digits, a) you need more than one example and b) you need it to be longer and c) you need higher level vocabulary. I write very small and got 2 pages on the dot. Your essay is good, but if you had added another paragraph, it couldve been a 10. I give it a 6-7…</p>

<p>You all have a point. I’ll work on the length and depth of my essays. If anyone else has any other feedback I’m happy to hear it.</p>