I’m posting here thinking Parents on this forum may have direct knowledge of career physicians and quality of life. We don’t have doctors in our family or among our acquaintances. My D is considering pursuing medical school. She is a sophomore and plans to fulfill premed requirements. She intends to shadow doctors but hasn’t yet. We just watched the PBS program Doctors Diaries (several years old). I found it disheartening. Seven doctors were followed over a 20 year period. I would say all 7 struggled with disappointing personal relationships, depression, and/or career challenges.
Are physicians today able to maintain work-life balance, particularly women? I would much rather my D be happy than miserable in a high-prestige career. Is marriage, family, children possible for MDs? (I do realize there is great variability depending on specialty.)
We know a couple of Doctor-Doctor couples with families. One has 3 children, another has 2. Both wives are pediatricians. Another couple has a SAHH and wife is a doctor, but they are childless by choice. I think it takes some creativity, but that is true of any high-powered career.
The docs I know are able to maintain balance (after you consider the life-death nature of their work.) I know a number of them in the education setting and these seem to truly enjoy their work and mentoring. Of course they marry, have kids, and live their lives.
I’d say one of the challenges today, for med students, is they really need to be interested in people and helping them. The education has become more patient centered than in past decades. So, rather than just shadowing, it’s valuable to get involved in health delivery, working with people, not just watching.
My H is an OB - in group practice for years but now solo. It’s very hard to maintain work life balance, but that’s also a function of his specialty. I’m totally used to middle of the night calls, having him leave or miss family events, etc. He would not have wanted either child to go into medicine (neither was interested). He loves what he does, but says it has to be a calling or don’t bother.
The nurse practitioners and physicians assistants I’ve met and known (people in their 30s, 40s, 50s) seem to have more career satisfaction and a better life balance than the MDs I know. The MDs I know who seem to have the most career satisfaction are male surgeons. Those tend to be doing very well financially.
Dentists I know seem to have both a decent work/life balance and a good financial situation.
The female physicians I know are all married with children. With two exceptions I can think of, they all had full time or live-in nannies raise their kids. One had a stay at home husband. The other one who did not worked very part time and also had a husband with a flexible job.
You have to pick a specialty you love, even if it isn’t the highest paying.
You WILL be working 70, 80, maybe MORE hours per week as a resident. You WILL lose sleep and have a very difficult life as you eventually get licensed and can practice.
I will agree dentists have an easier time of it once they are in practice, but everything I hear is that dental school is pretty tough.
Clearly anyone driven enough to be a doctor may already be set up not to have great relationships. That could be a factor.
Or anyone driven to be a doc may already be set up to have great relationships, know how to make this work. I wouldn’t assume docs are anti-social, especially with today’s increased med school emphasis on “doctoring.”
“Clearly anyone driven enough to be a doctor may already be set up not to have great relationships. That could be a factor.”
That’s really strange. Doctors are just like anybody else. They have families and children and whatever.
If you want work life balance, work as an employee for a large medical group instead of owning your own practice. You’ll make a lot less but you’ll be free from the business-management side of owning a practice (hiring employees, payroll, taxes, billing, insurance, buying / leasing equipment, etc).
^^That PBS series was brilliant, but chronicled them starting in 1987. And all media work needs a POV. Sure, in this case, it was the hardships. OP’s girl is a rising sophomore. She has time to consider this, get some real experience in the health field, and see how it fits.
It depends on your DD and how she views her future family life. I have known 7-8 female physicians outside of their professions. A few don’t work at all…at all. One works part-time. One has a few kids, but an H who works from home and a housekeeper. The closest female physician friend I have is a pediatrician who retrained as an allergist so she’d have more family time.
One of our former female doctors has a husband who is a PA in her office. I think they kind of work like a tag-team covering their kids/family needs. Their office was by their kids’ school.
My son has a long-time friend who wanted to be a physician, but is now in PA school. For her, the challenge was going to be family vs career. She wanted to be a hands-on mom. She believes that becoming a PA will allow her some balance. I can understand her position.
For my son, there never was another career in his head (unless you can call wanting to be a Laker a possible alternative ) It’s been in his blood…watching those (gross) documentaries of various surgeries since he was little. He’s not one to be easily-riled, so I think that also helps. He’s a natural-born leader, which I think also helps.
A good friend of ours, a doctor in his 40’s, recently left his successful private practice to go into administration at Kaiser. He makes a lot less. He also works less and is much less stressed. My husband couldn’t believe how much happier the guy is now that he’s a paper pusher and not a practicing MD.
My friend’s husband, a senior partner at a prestigious practice, is still on call and working the hours of a junior physician. I always ask her why he still has to do the overnights since he is a senior member of the practice and she says that it’s just the way it is, they don’t get special treatment. They live very comfortably but she said he’s working the same hours for less money because medicine “ain’t what it used to be!” I’m not going to cry for them on the money front but it is physically grueling for someone that is getting up in age so I do sympathize with her regarding the physical toll it has taken on her husband. I was just talking the other day about how hard it must be for the kids graduating today from college and taking time off before medical school. It’s such a long course of academia that I quite frankly, like the old way of getting it behind you as soon as possible. At least most of my girlfriends that are doctors still practice medicine, the majority of my attorney girlfriends gave it up when they had kids.
It’s very physically grueling. My H is 55, in excellent physical shape and takes very good care of himself when it comes to diet and exercise, but I don’t think he will make it to 60. He does office hours 7 days a week as there are always infertility patients who need to be seen on Sunday. He has no idea whether an on-call night at the hospital will enable him to sleep, or whether he will get called in to deliverv3 babies in a row. It really truly is a calling for him.
Go read the blog “Mothers In Medicine” and dig way deep into the “Mailbag” portion of the blog also. These are fantastic intelligent women who at alternate times feel they have a great balance and then literally there are times when they are posting about their 5 day maternity leave; shipping the kids off to the in-laws for six months while they do a residency and then another about a mom who just had to tell her kids NO after-school activities because she just couldn’t do it all.
If your daughter shadows a bunch of physicians and just feels absolutely passionate that this is something she must do then fantastic…the world needs her. But it takes a village with family and a partner who are all in and really understand what they are getting into together.
The female physicians I have worked with who seem to be the happiest are ones that work for a large practice and don’t manage the business side. I’ve even met a few who are working part-time (which is 35 hrs per week instead of 60).
I steered a kid to medicine and he is a good fit. Now he works long hours and is yet to marry for which I suspect his parents might be unhappy with me.
I won’t encourage my own kids to get into medicine today because I don’t think they are very into it and they can make a good living from what they love doing.
Marrying a physician isn’t a bad idea nor choosing one as a parent.
Husband and I are doctors practicing outside US. All my female classmates who underwent specialist training follow a similar path. We tried very hard to pass all specialist exams before 30 in order to start a family before it is too late. Many of us manage to raise one child because of the busy schedule. My only child has no interest to pursue a medical career, partly due to his own experience of both parents being called back to hospital on Christmas day or in the middle of a meal…
) It’s been in his blood…watching those (gross) documentaries of various surgeries since he was little. He’s not one to be easily-riled, so I think that also helps. He’s a natural-born leader, which I think also helps.