Caught in the middle...should we reapply?

Prep School Admissions
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<p>I found this forum in February--how I wish we'd seen it earlier! So, here's my first post: </p>

<p>DD applied this past year to 5 boarding schools (Stats: age 13, applying to 9th grade, a 'good' student, not super shiny, but good grades, recs, violin for 7 years, some sports, no major hooks, SSATs @ ~60%, and we requested FA). and was accepted by 2 of them, one of which is mentioned here as a 'hidden gem', other probably would be considered 'third tier'. She was rejected by her 'reach schools'--3 schools that had higher SSAT averages, more competitive, etc. She wants to go to BS because we plan on moving several times in the next 4 years for work and she would like to remain at one place for high school.</p>

<p>And now it comes down to money. We are right in the middle of the financial aid issue. Our take home pay for family of 4 (she has younger sib) is $100K, which seems like buckets, but, ha ha, not when dealing with boarding schools. According to the SSS we can afford $45K/yr. Most likely because we made good financial choices and have little debt. </p>

<p>The reality is of course, we cannot afford $45K/year. Unfair to other kid and going into debt for high school is our line in the sand--not going to happen. (No, the irony that our good financial decisions puts us in the position to having to make bad ones is not lost on us...) Let me be clear we are prepared to pay, but more like $20-25K. </p>

<p>The two schools she was accepted to offered us some aid (~$5K), which brought the price of BS down to what SSS thought we could pay. They do not have large endowments and we know we won't see more from them--certainly not enough to meet our budget.</p>

<p>I should mention that we went into this process a little naive--we started the process last October with a 'let's just see what happens' attitude. She put effort into her applications, but did not pull out all the stops. There is room for improvement. I should also mention that she is more motivated this time around. She's seen what is out there, and realizes how little her local public school can offer in comparison. </p>

<p>So, the question is: If the schools want the applicant more, are they willing to pay more? Should she work on her EC's, study for the SSAT, and basically improve her stats so she would be a more desirable candidate (for reapplication next year)? Or is the reality that no matter how much she can boost her qualifications (she's not suddenly going to become an award winning underwater tuba player), schools may accept a student if they have a unique qualification, particularly if that qualification-hook-is what they want, but that does not necessarily mean more FA? </p>

<p>I don't want to encourage her just to get accepted (maybe) but still not be able to go..</p>

<p>Disclaimer: Yes, I do know some schools do their own FA calculations and will also work with you based on you submitting more information about your finances. But I'm not talking about quibbling over $5K, we would need aid increased substantially. And yes, I know there are applicants just as deserving as my kid who really truly can't afford any amount, so our choice not to pay what SSS thinks we should impacts others as well. But I don't think we're alone in this situation, and I wonder how others handle it, or how schools address it.</p>

<p>Long post, thanks for any response!</p>

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<p>We were in a similar situation as you, however I spent a whole year preparing and planning. My child did have 2 well trained sports to offer. So I cross referenced the sport that is less common with the rosters in the general area we would attend. Then I took the rosters that needed the most players and cross referenced that with schools with high endowments…knowing our financial need. You did not mention any interviews. In my opinion, the interview is more important than any other aspect of the application. My child received the most fa from the best fit via the interview. You need to remember that most preps want diversity, so don’t stress so much on Ssat. As far as your fa…it is in some cases negotiable if they really want your child. If you are moving away from east coast by next years deadline…your daughter would be geographically desired (diversity).
Good luck with your decision. </p>

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<p>Yes, they generally will pay more for students they want. However, do not too quickly dismiss the possibility of getting a better grant from a particular school. True, they are more limited, but they truly do want to make it possible for as many students as possible to attend. I would contact the FA office at eash shool from which you have an offer and let them know your situation. Unless you have 200K in a college savings account for this child, or a huge amount of personal savings, I do not think it unreasonable to seek a larger grant at your income level. 25K seems honestly appropriate, barring any large undiscussed asset. Choose which school is your top choice, let them know you really want to make it happen, and ask for more aid. If any comes back, they may come give some to you.</p>

<p>OTOH, if you do have a lot of savings, assets, and home equity, then schools will expect you to cough a lot of it up, even if it seems painful. If you own a vacation home, that is considered entirely fair game. If you have college savings, 12.5% of that is expected per year. &ct.</p>

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<p>The unfortunate thing about this is the smaller schools do not have enough money to provide each family that asks for half or otherwise substantial FA what they need. The 5k is not a reflection on how much they want your daughter but on what they can afford to hand out to someone who does have money to contribute. If you really need the money, I’d suggest calling your daughter’s top school and explaining the situation; they may have more FA to offer as it comes back. You can also search for merit scholarships or programs offering money. Besides that, I’d say you might need to come back next year, evaluate your family’s situation and willingness, or even see about a grandparent. Good luck!</p>

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<p>exit99 - forgot to mention interviews, which, we thought, went fine. after the first one, when we had no idea what to expect, she discovered she really liked them. The interviewers’ feedback was generally positive, although not overwhelmingly so–no ‘nudges’, so to speak. </p>

<p>nadk01 - we did talk to the schools, and one said she could become a day student for $20K less(it’s within an hour’s drive), but that’s not really feasible with younger sib and dad who travels for work. The other said that was all they could do. We thought $25K reasonable too (unfortunately, no other large undiscussed assets :frowning: ) Mostly, as far as we can figure, we just have very little debt and so what looks like lots of disposable income.</p>

<p>jmoran -While we can’t relocate to a better school district–dad’s job relocates us to foreign country for half a year of the next few years, (the other half of the year we’re back here where I’ve got aged parent I need to be here for), yes! you are totally right about being more creative about this. We are looking at online high school (although she’s a very social kid and would probably not do well with that) and at school in other countries–did you know boarding school in Europe costs only $25K? (Not the international schools, but ones that teach in the home country language .I think that’s actually a good thing; she’s more like “how am I going to do high school work when I can’t even ask how to go to the bathroom?”.) I suppose she could apply from a foreign country next year–that would be geographical diversity! (We’re talking Europe though, Germany, France, Spain. Not sure they’re all that special…)</p>

<p>I know schools will stretch their FA for kids they really want–Olympians, or TEDx presenters, but just wondering how far desirability = $$ trickles down to just the good, well-rounded smart kid.</p>

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<p>pd100 - Yes, when we talked with one of the schools, that’s what they said. They liked her quite a bit, they just do not have the endowment and that is what they can afford, which we understand, being somewhat in the same position!</p>

<p>Part of wondering if she had a stronger application is, would that open up her chances at more competitive schools with the larger endowments? Or would that be cancelled out by them being so much more competitive…?</p>

<p>And yes, we’ve found ourselves getting caught up in this and thinking, “maybe if we break open the retirement account, or…” we could do this. And then we wake up the next morning with a headache and say “Wait a second, we were just thinking of spending HALF our entire annual income on…high school?” Do others on this board out there really spend half their income on BS? That’s pretty…hardcore.</p>

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<p>What I would think is to reapply and completely reevaluate how you go about this. The first step (in my opinion) would be to prep, practice, and retake the SSAT. A higher score could really, really boost her chances. If you add another sport or a few ECs, that would also really pump the application up. Additionally, having another year at home to gather some golden grades and to make a point of relationships with teachers that will give recs would be good if you can’t find a hook (unusual sport, location, URM, etc).</p>

<p>If you really look, there are plenty of very good second-tier schools that have a large endowment without being uber-competitive. Look all over: South, West, Mid-Atlantic, and NE. Try for safeties, reaches, and matches. Good luck! </p>

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<p>notniobe: You have described our situation three years ago almost to a tee. So exact, in fact, that I don’t need to re-tell or summarize our story. The bottom line is that, yes, some people here DO spend that much on high school, and the school’s seem to be OK with that level of sacrifice. I honestly doubt a year of any kind of prep or planning would be enough to push any kid into the “hooked” category at any of the more selective schools. Remember, they turn down “perfect” kids all the time, and stats are not a hook. If your daughter becomes an Olympic-level athlete or nationally ranked in some area, then maybe, but not sure what you mean by “stronger” application. CK was an almost-perfect-stats kid from a highly under-represented state. We believe that counted a bit toward his acceptances, but that did not increase his attractiveness for FA. His accomplishments were/are independent of our finances.</p>

<p>People here need to remember that no matter how much you have in a 529, those funds cannot be used for high school, and we didn’t run into any school that expected liquidation of any retirement assets. They just assumed that we would be fine with zero savings from here on out (we were, of course) and taking out the loans we would qualify for. However, just like notniobe, loans for high school were a non-starter. The schools didn’t seem to understand that the amount in the 529 and our retirement fund was amassed over the course of our lives-- not just in a year or two; the savings did not equate to the kind of cash flow that would be necessary to write $200K in checks over four years. We did (and still do) feel that we were penalized for being financially responsible all our lives, but that discipline (now in the extreme) is what is enabling us to write those checks. It’s sort of a Catch-22.</p>

<p>So, yes, many here have made some pretty hardcore decisions, and we have discussed our difficulties and solutions in many threads. Spending this kind of money when it means just scraping by is not for the faint-of-heart and certainly not for everyone. I feel your pain precisely, and I wish you all the best as you wrestle with what makes sense for your family. If we had another child, I know that we would not have been able to take this plunge. Many hugs as you decide what to do.</p>

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<p>Another option is to enroll for a shorter amount of time- sophomore-senior, junior/senior, senior, or PG. </p>

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<p>^^ While I can empathize with @jmoran’s points regarding buyer’s remorse for even the Tier 1 schools. I would advise against enrolling as a sophomore/junior strictly as a money saving strategy.</p>

<p>These schools are CHALLENGING along multiple dimensions and the freshman year gives the benefit of a soft landing to adjust. Of course, many that enroll as sophomores do well. But you have already decided to make the sacrifices for BS, so give your child the maximum chance for success with an important year to adjust.</p>

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<p>pd100 - Yes, that was our game plan (if we do reapply)…focus on strengthening a few aspects. However, we do scratch our heads–as many here have pointed out, there isn’t a golden formula and it is a total crapshoot. In our inner circle of friends (DD applied along with 4 other kids, same age, who we know well) it’s all over the place. One kid with much lower SSAT was accepted, free ride, at NMH. Another with very similar stats to DD was accepted at SPS, but full pay. A third with SSATs only about 15 pts higher into Exeter, also free ride. The 4th kid, a math genius…accepted nowhere. They all of course are great kids with very compelling characteristics and those that were accepted absolutely deserve these opportunities–we were especially thrilled for the kid who got into NMH, that’s a lifeline for that kid…But no clear path for DD to say “If I work on my ___, maybe that will make the difference.”
We also think that yes, widening the net is a great idea. In the “If we could do it all over again” category (maybe I’ll post in that thread too…) we would definitely use different criteria for picking schools. We used location (within 1 hour) and to a lesser extent, size (she wants a bigger school). Bad idea, and as most of you know, going for the right fit is the best path. Although figuring out the ‘right fit’ is also another puzzle! </p>

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<p>@notniobe, No comment on how to manage financially, but I wish you luck. I’m just finding it funny how the SSAT turns out to be fairly meaningless, after all the obsessing that goes on over it! </p>

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<p>ChoatieMom - Thank you so much for those heartfelt words. I can’t tell you how good it is to hear that we aren’t alone in this particular universe! And yes, we do realize it really probably isn’t about the stats–in terms of what she can do to improve them in the next 6 months, there is probably only so much she can do, and if it doesn’t translate to FA anyway, we sort of think her focus should be on doing what is right for her, not trying to meet somewhat nebulous criteria that may or may not mean anything. Of course, on the other hand, this has been a great experience for her–we’ve been pretty laissez faire about academics as a family. It was an eye-opener for her to go through this process and will definitely prepare her for applying to colleges. One does have to jump through certain hoops and do it well to get to where they want to, and learning that certainly falls under ‘life lessons’.</p>

<p>jmoran–that’s what we are thinking as well! In 4 years will we be like “ok, so there goes $100K, and…we have no college savings for younger kid, very little for DD, and we’re really really sick of peanut butter sandwiches!”?</p>

<p>Sharpener - I think if we do it, we will do the full 4 years. The reason for applying in the first place was because DD wanted to be able to spend her 4 high school years in one place, not getting dragged around with family. She’s talking about taking a ‘gap year’ next year, and reapplying for 9th grade, if she does reapply.</p>

<p>twinsmama - yeah, we have absolutely no idea what to think about the SSAT. We are not fans of standardized tests anyway (they just sent our kindergartener home with a 3 page summary of her results. Really!? Kindergarten standardized testing?) and then this ‘new SAT’ business… We asked various AO’s during the process and got completely opposite answers just to make things more confusing too.</p>

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<p>I just want to clarify for any lurkers who may be panicking out there that the OP stated that their NET, “take-home pay” is about $100,000. Someone with GROSS pay of $100,000 would-- without unusual assets–be elgible for much more FA on the PFS. </p>

<p>After reading these boards for several years, it seems to me that it is families with gross pay in the $150,000- 200,000 range that are hit hardest by financial aid, in terms of the largest percentage of their income that schools expect them to put more toward tuition . On the other hand, there are many of us who are also good, long-term savers who are in the lower gross income bracket (because of our professions, not because we hide our income or live lazy lives), who have lived for all our adult lives on that “scrimp and save” number that the boarding schools think is reasonable. So I guess I see where the boarding school is coming from too. </p>

<p>The takeaway, though, is that not all FP families are created equal. Some can write that tuition check without much effect at all on their daily lives; others find themselves plunged into the life of the typical FA family. </p>

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<p>Notniobe, the farther your child is willing to travel for school, the more attractive she will be for schools. In my experience, as well, the competition for day student places at good schools can be intense. If your family will be moving several times over the next four years, you have no basis to restrict her search to less than an hour from home. </p>

<p>Unfortunately, if you do not have a mortgage, you are significantly more affluent than many other families. I would not expect schools to budge much, if at all. </p>

<p>There are schools which do offer merit scholarships; if you decide to apply again, you should research them in depth. </p>

<p>I do wonder, though, if sending your child to board at great financial sacrifice is the right decision. Experiencing multiple foreign countries during high school could only be a plus when applying to college, don’t you think?</p>

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<p>As a parent of a current AFSer as well as a boarding school student, I agree with Periwinkle. The foreign travel is every bit as worthwhile in a completely different way. </p>

<p>I’m also a former homeschooler, and homeschooling can be incredibly rigorous and social, though again in a different way than boarding school. In your shoes, I think I’d choose to homeschool and travel with my kids, looking for opportunities to get them out in the community wherever we went. It’s not a traditional approach to high school, but seems like a pretty cool one to me.</p>

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<p>classicalmama - I hope no one out there is panicking! Yes, gross pay would be entirely different, and in fact, when we talked to FA people, we discovered just how close to the line we were–at one point it looked like our gross for 2014 was going to drop to $100K, suddenly there was a lot more aid available. </p>

<p>The part I struggle with the most is that, yes, you know, we could write that check, but who it will affect the most is younger sib. I can’t justify not giving younger kid same opportunities as older one.</p>

<p>And I also resonate with the “scrimp and save” methodology. We actually do that–our cars are 6 and 10 years old, our furniture I either made or rescued from the town dump, and we take all the “fat” from our $100K, which comes to about $25K a year (hence our estimate of how much we could pay) to travel with dad and stay together as a family. We love being able to take the kids to another country and have them exposed to a different culture for a few months every year. We’d probably have to give this up if DD went to BS.</p>

<p>Periwinkle - Yes! I totally agree! How cool is that, right, to experience multiple foreign countries, to learn a new language, to be a part of the global community. Which is probably why our DD tells us “I really just want to stay in one place for 4 years and be with my friends there and Not. Keep. Moving.” Grass is always greener, I guess. </p>

<p>Alas, we did try the homeschooling. It wasn’t pretty. Both parents work, and we’re also a little bit nerdy, control freak, micro-managing, perfectionists :slight_smile: . Our kids, happily, prefer saner people in charge of their education!</p>

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<p>Good to have a realistic sense of whether homeschooling will work. I would have farmed a lot of it out myself had we continued into high school. </p>

<p>One thing to consider is that your sacrifice probably would not affect the younger sibling as much as you are thinking, should he/she decide to go the boarding school route as well. When our 2nd kid went abroad this year, our boarding school grant went up substantially. Unlike colleges, boarding schools will take other secondary school into consideration. You overall payment might not change that much. Right now you’re bearing the full brunt because this is your oldest child. </p>

<p>Just musing here…I wonder what the bottom line allowance for living expenses is? Going by the free tuition for any family with a gross income under 70k, maybe they “give” every family 55k in living expenses, with some plus or minus for circumstances? </p>