Greetings all! This incredible forum has recently come to my attention and I thought it would be prudent to first test the waters with the ever-so-common “Chance Me” post. Now I am sure you don’t want to be regaled with tales of my academic prowess, so I shall try my utmost to keep things short and snappy.
To start off, test scores. The Standard Aptitude Test (SAT for those who may not yet be enlightened as to this abbreviation’s entire meaning) was never any problem at all for me. I have only sat for it once, and this was in the spring of my kindergarten year. I am pleased to say that I achieved a composite score of 800. After quickly finishing off the English section with a perfect score, I realized it was time for my afternoon siesta and left the testing facility. I am sure colleges will assume I also achieved an 800 on math. The ACT always seemed too trivial for one with such an intellect as mine, so I have not yet taken it, nor do I plan on doing so.
On to the Grade Point Average. On the 4-point scale, my unweighted GPA is 1.12, and my weighted GPA is .59. Classes were never too important for me, as I was born omniscient. Therefore I rarely completed any homework assignments, and used exam days to expound my new ideas to my loving teachers. My class rank did suffer slightly due to this (in a school of 3,457 children I finished 3,456, and the gap between me and the 3,457th student was as large as between 1 and 3,456), but I do not take much stock in such useless numbers as class rankings.
Now for my AP scores. I am sure you will all be surprised to hear that I never achieved a 5 on any AP exams. However, there is a simple and logical explanation for this. You see, I believe that the wonderful examinations created by the College Board are really meant to guide one’s outlook on the world. With this view in mind, I used my testing dates as opportunities to display my new and ingenious theories regarding mathematics, science, and philosophy. Although my average score was closer to 1 than 2, over thirty new patents have been made as a result of my expounding of new ideas. Over the course of my testing, I parsed through centuries-old conceptions and opened the world’s collective horizons to heights never before seen or imagined.
And now for the final section of this post: my extracurriculars. “A good child is one who protects the family home, even to the point of laying down his life” - Anonymous. I have been the guardian of my father’s household for eighteen years. The depredations of squirrels inflicted upon the northern borders of our lands have been put to an end, and the wily coyotes who roamed the southern plains beside my back door have been vanquished. Furthermore, I value community involvement. I singlehandedly grew one thousand acres of wheat to feed the hungry and dug five hundred wells to provide water for the thirsty, all at a profit margin of 2345%. I have personally financed the campaigns of 97 Senators and 321 House Members in an effort to better our nation. DM me for more information concerning these projects. I have also logged four hours of community service.