ChemE Student on Academic Suspension for the 2nd Time: Finish or Start Over?

Parents Forum
1

Hi everyone, I’m legitimately scared as to what decision I should make in the next few days, but I sincerely hope any one of you can help me.

So I’m currently a senior ChemE undergraduate at UCSD who has unfortunately encountered academic suspension 2 times. Both times were due to academic violations, with the first being due to irresponsibly putting my name on another’s student’s assignment and submitting it as my own, and the 2nd time (as of this past Wednesday) due to two cases of allegations regarding plagiarism on lab reports. The first experience with suspension was truly shocking and unfortunate, especially since I initially denied the allegation but accepted it. I took community college courses and worked part-time at a career center in hopes of making my 1st suspension a positive experience. Sharing the news to my family, especially to my parents, was a heart-wrenching experience for the 1st offense, and I was overwhelmed over the past few days of the outcome for this 2nd time that I developed suicidal thoughts of doing self-harm. I’ve had past and current appointments with my school psychologist and psychiatrist about mental health being adversely affected, particularly with moderate depression, anxiety, existential crisis, grief and loss, and even ADHD diagnosis. My academic performance in engineering classes have been sub-par during my 3 years college, with failing classes and having to repeat them. Part of my mind wants to believe that despite attending a university that is heavily research-based and has a majority of its classes based on theoretical material, part of me is currently whether it is time to abandon Chemical Engineering. I came into the university hoping to gain the essential skills, experience, and expertise needed to pursue grad school, and to combine my background in chemistry, biology, and engineering towards a industrial R&D position at a pharmaceutical/biotech company, but this college experience has made me question whether life itself is valuable anymore. Thinking back to all the stress, self-doubt, crying, and difficulty in changing my study habits for this discipline, I am left wondering if I should have switched majors a long time ago. Sadly, I didn’t and my low grades have demonstrated me not being capable of mastering and applying the course material properly.

I gained good standing for my fall quarter (just barely above 2.0 GPA) by sticking to only 4 classes, and I reduced the number to 3 courses for this past quarter, in hopes of performing better and raising my GPA. I just received allegations from my email notifying me of suspected academic violations done during this past quarter. I held huge anxiety about this, especially since the next quarter would be my last quarter before graduation and that, in my mind, there existed a possibility of another suspension, or even dismissal. I was not aware of the type and severity of violations I had done until this past week, when upon meeting the Dean, I was shown the lab report(s), one from one class, and two from another, that held the plagiarism, and because I had no prior encounter with plagiarism in the past, I was bewildered that my poor judgment and understanding behind plagiarism led to this, but even more at the fact that neither professor corresponded with me about the offenses. I fully accepted the allegations charged at me, and expressed my remorse, the mitigating circumstances related to the incident, and my understanding that higher disciplinary sanctions are likely to be imposed. And sure enough, on Wednesday, I received a letter from the Dean describing the sanctions, most notably the one for a one-year suspension. My mind, since then, has been left very scattered and numb, such that I’ve recently been coming to the conclusion that life is of no value, and that with having wasted my parent’s finances and invest in me, that I am a true burden to my family and have no place or value in this world. Despite developing thoughts of self-harm and suicide, I pushed myself to schedule appointments with a psychiatrist describing my past and current situations, along with my state of mind.

As of today, I am at a loss as to what action I should take, or on how to move forward, with the rare situation that I’m in. The suspension, depending on whether I appeal or not, is to be imposed this quarter, and the classes I’m currently taking this quarter are all that’s left before having completed my program. My parents are aware of this, my current situation, and have been pretty supportive. However, they have suggested that I could withdraw from the university, begin a new program at a local private university, and have expressed nursing/pharmacy as an alternative to engineering. I’ve expressed to them my openness in these options, especially having seen the admissions advisor for the private university, but part of me is left wondering if it is worth it to just abandon my UCSD engineering major (coinciding with a low GPA and past offenses) and start from a clean slate at this university. Don’t get me wrong, I still see value in engineering and would wish to incorporate it into my future profession (whatever that is). I recognize the amount of debt that my years at UCSD have accumulated, but I’m just uncertain as to whether it’s right to just increase the debt even further by engaging in a completely new program at a different university. Especially when my parents have taken on so such. The impression I’m getting from my parents is that they correlate UCSD as to a university that was not fit for me (in terms of it being a research-based university and the distractions associated with it), which I can agree with (to an extent). Therefore, I think that they’ve most likely given up with UCSD. Yet, they mostly believe that I will likely be better off starting over and completing a major that doesn’t necessitate job satisfaction, but making enough money for future expenses (family, marriage, debt, etc), hence, nursing. I’m in conflict with this because part of me believes that despite the unfortunate experiences I’ve encountered, all isn’t ultimately lost with UCSD, and that there is still some value with a ChemE degree.

Has anyone been through this ordeal or know people that have? Other than appealing the suspension (to which I am considering), I am lost on how to move forward?

2

I’m glad you are getting some help with a therapist or psychiatrist. Engineering is a really hard degree - my college roommate studied so hard for Cs. Then she ended up after her junior year deciding that she needed to change majors- she took a break and then changed universities as well. Have you had any internships for engineering as a way to determine whether you like that field or not? Taking a break will be good for you.

3

From your other thread, I can see you’ve been struggling for a long time. You’re a fifth-year senior now? It really seems like you need to pick a different major, as hard as that would be. I can’t see you doing well in Chem E.

4

Two things will probably help. The first would be to work on your mental health issues as intensely as you can. If you continue to have so much suicidal ideation, please seek emergency mental health services. Continuing in treatment might help mitigate deterioration and also hopefullymove you in a direction of functioning better.

Secondly, change your major or school if you can afford to continue. Even if you change schools, there’s a good chance that some of the credits that you’ve completed will transfer so you won’t be starting over completly.

5

I don’t get this. Did you plagiarize? Did you understand you were plagiarizing? The way you write I am not sure if you are taking responsiblity or not.

  1. Definitely see a psychiatrist. You are not a burden to your family and you are a worthy person.
  2. One thing to consider is just trying to finish your degree. If you are almost done, I would try to graduate if possible so that you can at least have a degree which is necessary for many jobs.
  3. Do you understand why you plagiarized? Were you stressed? didn’t understand? Behind?
  4. Right now it seems that you think the Chem E has to lead to grad school and an industrial R&D position at a pharmaceutical/biotech company. There are other types of jobs…Quality Engineer, sales engineer that are in the industry.
6

Agree that if the OP has just one quarter left, it may be better to just finish the degree, rather than spend another two years or more at a different college to try a different major.

7

@CheddarcheeseMN I’m glad too, although my parents have been unsure about the success behind therapy/psychological services. It’s been of my own will to pursue them as a way towards personal development and improving my overall well-being. Oh my, I am sorry to hear that for your roommate. I’m happy though that she found her choices and made a really difficult decision. Well, as far as internships go, despite the number of projects and research experience I’ve gained, I’ve unfortunately not had the chance to pursue an actual internship to find out if engineering is really what I find passion in! I’ve been under the same suspicion that perhaps the suspension may be even more of a nice opportunity to hopefully land an internship and decide whether I should switch gears. But I think switching majors is what I’m most afraid of, especially with all the time (I’m currently 22 by the way) that I’ve put into it.

@MaineLonghorn I’ll be honest, I’ve never anticipated facing such a long-term struggle that’s led me to where I am today. Ah yes, you are right, I misspoke earlier saying that I was a 4th year, but you are right, I am currently a 5th year at this time. I’ve had doubts myself too as to how successful I would be in Chem E. But the issue I’m facing with choosing a different major is – I’ve had a bad history with commitment (getting to class & appointments on time, excusing myself out of goals I set for myself) and my current major seems to be the only longstanding form of commitment to my major that I’ve demonstrated over the past 5 years. Would you have any further suggestions or recommendations on the career path I should take?

8

“… because I had no prior encounter with plagiarism in the past, I was bewildered that my poor judgment and understanding behind plagiarism led to this…”

But, you describe the first incident as, “being irresponsibly putting my name on another’s student’s assignment and submitting it as my own,” which IS plagiarism. I’m confused how you didn’t learn from the first experience.

You need time to self assess.

9

I don’t understand this statement at all. “Distractions associated with it”? There are a lot more distractions in the real world, working as an engineer and trying to raise a family.

I really think you need a long break from college. Get a job in retail and learn the value of hard work. Get intense therapy and go on meds if the doctor recommends it. You need more help than strangers on the internet can give youj.

10

@NorthernMom61 That’s honestly one of the best plans for me at this time. I really don’t want my tendencies and issues to manifest in the workplace or in other aspects of my lifestyle, but my problem is that I’ve had an “on and off” state with fixing myself. In fact, I honestly feel like I haven’t been fully committed to “doing tasks” and taking actions that would really help my physical and mental state. As for changing majors and universities, as much as I’m inclined to do that, I have two other siblings who are already in college, and because such financial burdens are already set upon my parents, I honestly don’t know whether or not it would be right for me to pursue that option.

@bopper Apologies for me not being fully clear. Yes, from the highlighted sections within the submitted reports that I was shown, I did plagiarize and take full responsibility for it, but I had a difficult time understanding that this was an act of plagiarism, even with the past discussions with the Dean. It’s somewhat complicated, but the guidelines for the reports did not require references or citations of any sort, but I think differences in culture and misunderstanding of the conventions behind using and citing sources. My professor emphasized the use of information as common knowledge, but the scope behind common knowledge introduced ambiguity as to what source materials do and do not require acknowledgement. Strangely enough, past courses I have taken that involved essays and papers have clearly and thoroughly outlined citing conventions, even verbally by the professors in their own respective contexts. Stress, psychological illnesses that clouded my judgment, decision-making, and other factors played a part into the plagiarism. But besides that, I do agree with your suggestions. I do recognize that other job types do involve engineering, but positions that involve problem-solving, project management, and hands-on approach are what appealed Chem E to me in the first place. However, with the jobs that you mentioned, it seems that I’m restricting myself more than I need to be. Thoughts?

Supposedly, the new major (Manufacturing Design Engineering) at the private university is usually found to take around 2.5 - 3 years. Strangely enough, it’s an online program at that too. But as @bopper and @ucbalumnus bring up, finishing the degree (albeit a low GPA) might help me land a job to start making payments towards the debts. I can’t decide whether the risk-vs-reward behind switching to a new major/university is worth it?

@lookingforward Well, from what I recall of my first experience, a seminar I took mostly involved discussions about ethical and moral principles that are breached in many various violations, more specifically with the type of violation I took. Thinking back, I don’t think much discussion was centered on my preconceptions and beliefs on legitimate work, which is probably what played a factor into this incident. But you are right, I do feel that despite the amount of time and the lessons I learned from the first incident, more time is needed to properly develop a strong foundation behind academic integrity.

11

What private university and how much does it cost? Seems unlikely that two or more years at that private university would cost less than one more quarter where you are now.

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@ucbalumnus Oh! The private university is called National University. From what I discussed with the admission advisor there, the cost for each class is ~$1,629 per class (not including lab fees). From what I understood, there’s a total of 28 courses for the engineering major, each course takes 4 weeks to complete, and the courses are pretty much subsequent. Some of the courses might be transferable with UCSD, although a different committee would have to evaluate that. But as you say, that’s what I’m conflicted about at the moment.

@MaineLonghorn Oh, apologies for not clarifying on that! Based on the discussions I’ve had with my parents, they believe that extracurricular activities and campus events have set me off-track with past classes I undertook, in which there is some truth to that. The irony behind this is that I’ve been living on-campus for the majority of my time at UCSD, so it’s even more shocking just observing how these factors have diminished my academic performance. But besides that point, I agree that taking some time off from college and staying dedicated to therapy might do be more good than I realize. However, the problem with jobs is that over the past years, despite the projects and leadership activities I engaged in, even with the on-campus job fairs that I’ve attended and referring to the campus career center on occasions, past applications I’ve sent to companies, along with past interviews, have resulted in either no responses, or simply rejections. I’ll even admit that the consecutive failures I’ve encountered with job searches have made me skeptical, pessimistic, and discouraged to send in applications.

13

So the choice is 28 courses for $45,612 at National University or one quarter for $4,683 at UCSD?

Even if you have enough transfer credit to cover all of the lower level courses, that still leaves 17 courses for $27,693 at National University.

It is not obvious why spending $23,010 to $40,929 and a significantly greater amount of time would be preferable to finishing that one last quarter you need.

14

@ucbalumnus Well, that’s the line of thinking that I’ve been struggling with, in a financial context. Financial aid could be applied to the courses, although I’m not sure to what amount would it decrease from the total cost. But I think an upside to this route would potentially be a greater GPA upon completion of the program at National University, right?

Also, correct me if I’m wrong, but considering if I want to switch to a different university to achieve a Bachelor’s Degree, what happens to the UCSD transcipt (with all the sub-par grades and violations) down the line? Are my employment (and grad school) chances significantly hindered either way, even if I potentially gain a higher GPA from National University over the years?

15

If you do well at NU, perhaps you could emphasize that gpa. But you need to have the skills to actually do that. Not mincing words, you haven’t yet shown that. You’re in a tough major, yes. But one that relies on new hires having the education mastered, so they can hit the ground running, so to say, as they add new job related learning to a solid basis.

I don’t think jumping to a 30 or 50k new program is wise, at this point. There’s no point switching schools only to risk the same issues. You need an interim chance to develop those skills, the focus. If you take a break, you might benefit from going back over the problem work, relearn it. You may find online resources. And keep up with counseling, to grow past prior problems.

16

@lookingforward Fair enough, I personally think that I have yet to build a strong foundation for the skillset associated with the major. And it’s a great point you bring up there about employers relying on new graduates to have strong knowledge of the material they’ve gained from their major. 25k - 50k is certainly a substantial amount of money to put down, making me question the practicality behind that choice. I know that counseling and therapy will be an ongoing, slow, but gradual process, but considering where I currently stand in life, I feel like there’s this conscious pressure and need for me to finish college and be able to work in industry for the next couple of years. However, at the same time, I realize that by finishing my program at UCSD, I’ll have very limited opportunities in respect to job prospects.

So essentially, considering that I may likely need a break to develop the key skills and master past material that I have basic understanding of, how long would you suggest I take time off to do all this?

17

If it were me, I would work with a counselor I trusted. That person would be able to help you decide how much time to take off and what to do. We don’t know you at all and really can’t make recommendations.

18

Mental health problems do not cause cheating. It is understandable that you are ashamed of your plagiarism and that this has led to overwhelming guilt.

You did not “irresponsibly” put your name on another student’s assignment. You consciously and willfully chose to cheat.

You did not “encounter” an academic suspension. You deserved one, because you cheated.

The very language you use to describe what you did makes it very clear that you have not taken responsibility in your mind for your actions. You need to accept that you chose to do wrong and that you can choose to do right going forward.

Get help for your anxiety and depression, but do not blame them for your unethical actions. Decide today that you will break the habit of cheating and blaming other factors for it.

19

You need to just admit that you cheated and you know you cheated and you knew it was wrong. Cause you did. Then you need to finish at your current school even if you have to take courses one at a time. Your GPA will only matter for your first job. Get your first job. Work five years and you’re clean. Just list your school on your resume. Nothing else and no one will know about your troubles. But don’t keep cheating.

20

@HailHavoc So I read your 2015 post in which you were struggling with many issues including time management and self discipline. You haven’t become the college student that you wanted in the last five years. Likely nothing will change in the next five. Don’t waste any more time or money. Just finish and get a job in some field. Maybe not engineering if you did not truly learn the material. Your GPA won’t matter like I said after awhile and you’ll get some mileage from having an engineering degree from a UC. It might be embarrassing to go back but you can’t run away from it. Just take one class at a time if need be. Work during this academic probation. And simply admit that you cheated and were wrong (and likely you got away with it sometimes). It will just make people more angry that you don’t especially in engineering. You can finish. You are very close. And THEN you can have a clean slate and be the person you want to be.