<p>Someone upstream stated this was the biggest decision of a persons life. I would respectfully disagree. Yes…choosing a college is important…but it’s a decision that can change. The student can transfer. There are far more important decisions one will be making in their lifes (many with a LOT less “research”…how about marriage, having children etc). </p>
<p>I went to a college my freshman year. Believe me, it was all about the money but I also thought I would LOVE the school. I didn’t and I transferred. Life went on. I really liked my the college I transferred TO and it wasn’t the end of the world when I left school number 1.</p>
<p>My kids went to colleges in locations that were 180 degrees different from where they grew up. Did we have concerns about this? Sure we did…but you know…the KIDS figured it out. And they both loved their undergrad schools. </p>
<p>Most of us “oldsters” here chose colleges out of a little printed catalog in the GC office. Some kids made great choices by looking at the pictures…and others didn’t. I went to a rather wealthy high school and I don’t recall a single friend doing a college visit before they applied to college.</p>
<p>Somehow it all worked out…and yes…some of us transferred…and some didn’t. Some actually left school entirely or went to college on the 12 year plan.</p>
<p>To the OP…if your student thinks they can make it work…that should count for something…in my opinion.</p>
<p>My 80+ year old parents and I had this very conversation Friday as I had just returned from our first college visit trip with #3. They were reminiscing about how “rebellious” I was and how dead set I was about not going to a large university and how they had their misgivings about “allowing” me to go to an LAC afterall they were products of large (for th e 40s university settings.) They said as they watched me become an independent adult they understood why I felt so strongly about what was right for me and they were grateful that they hadn’t “put their feet down” about my decision. I think we DO shape the way we parent based on our parents and our experiences. If I had not been so head strong and sure of what I believed I may not be so open to my kids seemingly understand what they want. I want them to have the ability to investigate big and small, their own “neighborhood” and places far away if they want and make a decision for themselves. I have certainly told each son why I chose the college I chose and told them they have to figure out for themselves what is right for them. My H who went to the nearest public college and lived at home because he needed to pay his own way is deeply grateful that our children have more choice than he had and he has expressed that to all three boys. </p>
<p>None of this applies to a child who wants to go somewhere a family cannot afford. That situation is one where a parent has to ultimately be a parent and explain to the student why their desire cannot happen.</p>
<p>Sure I do believe there is no one right place. But outside of financial considerations, illness or emotional inability of the student to navigate I don’t see why a parent should veto.</p>
<p>I agree that if the school is within the parent’s financial limits, the child should make the decision. It’s in no way the biggest decision a person will make in his/her life. Perhaps because I had no choice but to start my own college career at a cc knowing that I would transfer (and it was no big deal, really) I just don’t get the big deal about someone’s freshman year being that special in his/her life.</p>
<p>And also the child may just be right. Someone I know had a child who was accepted at and seriously deciding between two universities (both state schools, cost about the same). Decision was left up to the child, but mom was really hoping child would choose school A convinced it was a better fit. Child did choose school A, but spent an unhappy freshman year there before transferring to school B, which she loves.</p>
<p>Generally speaking, it’s up to the kid, but there are some schools that are poor values for the money, IMO. I wouldn’t pay for my kid to go to Arizona State, for example. Too much personal experience – said kid can go to my in state flagship for less AND get a better education.</p>
<p>Second those who feel this ultimately should be up to the child attending the school than parents or other older relatives. Especially when one considers how not every parent/older relative necessarily has their own child’s/charge’s interest at heard, clued in on the current realities of the colleges/universities, or may feel as positively/enthusiastically for a given school as their enthusiastic alum parents. </p>
<p>If two of my aunts and an had it their way, they’d forced me to attend my local SUNY/CUNY even though it would have actually cost me more than the LAC I attended because they felt those schools were “good enough for me”* despite the fact two attended an Ivy for undergrad, both sent their some of their kids to elite private universities as full-pay and no one even thought to ask them to help me with my college expenses. </p>
<p>Fortunately, my parents didn’t agree and there was no financial leverage as I received a great scholarship which made attending my LAC cheaper than my SUNY/CUNY schools as an in-stater because of budget cuts and regulations. </p>
<p>More fortunate as high school classmates who did worse than me GPA-wise who knuckled under parental pressures to attend the SUNY/CUNY flagships hated the campus culture and/or felt so academically underwhelmed they all ended up transferring to elite LACs/Universities after 1-2 years and took their chances with FA, scholarships, and loans. All of them graduated with honors from their elite schools and are now successful. </p>
<ul>
<li>There was a mix of a strong classist attitudes from the better off older relatives and the fact they didn’t realize that in my HS senior year that the CUNYs had greatly deteriorated from time of their youth due to decades of financial and academic mismanagement/neglect and the SUNYs were starting to face similar economic difficulties.</li>
</ul>
<p>Our kids know we always have their best interest at heart. When we give our opinion, they know it is without an agneda. </p>
<p>I am one of few CCers who have consistently and openly said that I believe ranking matters, when it comes to life after college and quality of education. If my kid was to choose a school among top 20s, I would be happy to step aside to let her make the decision, but it was between 50 and 20, I don’t think so.</p>
<p>As long as it is a good fit academically I’d be hesitant to steer her away from the college if she thinks its the place for her. Anywhere else and she may come to resent the fact that you wouldn’t let her go to her first choice. That can’t be good for family good will or bearing down and getting her school work done.</p>
<p>You never know how the social thing is going to work out. You don’t go out socially with the whole school, just your set of friends. Important part is to find and develope a good set of friends at school.</p>
<p>My son went a school which we thought was a good fit in all ways. They did dorm assignments by major and had dorm activities planned that were also aligned with his major. Guess what, too many kids in his major to fit into the dorm. He was assigned to a small cluster of kids in his major but in a dorm across campus. When we complained about that, we were told that he was always invited to the dorm activities for his major. He never went. His fault to be sure but being a somewhat introverted kid, not unexpected. It did work out well for my son in the long run, but the social thing was definitely “not as advertised”.</p>
<p>“Mom, I want to go to Bowling Green. They have the programs I want to study, the profs in my major are great, a lot of my friends are going there, the campus is beautiful, it’s close enough I can get home on weekends, and I’ll be able to save money for grad school.”</p>
<p>“No, you’re going to a top 20 school because I think that prestige matters, no matter what others say. But don’t fret, you know I have your interests at heart.”</p>
<p>annasdad - I understand you are writer, but trust me I know what an agenda is. Your agenda on CC is to make sure everyone would agree with you that by going to a State U around your hometown is perfectly fine (because that’s what you want for your kid), but unfortunately it is not what my kids want to do. We also do not live in rural Midwest, and my kid wouldn’t have waited until the night before to print out her test ticket either.</p>
<p>In general, I am leary about letting 17 year old kids make their own decisions, because they have so little in the way of real life experience, and even worse, think they know everything. There is a thread somewhere on CC that tends to back me up on this viewpoint, called something like “stupid reasons my kid won’t apply to a particular college I want him to apply to”. So you would think I would be on your side on this issue. But I am not.</p>
<p>Assuming that the school she wants to go to is a reasonable choice, and assuming you can afford to send her there, I think you have to follow her wishes. If you make her go to another school, and she hates it, and/or is not successful later in life, she will blame you. She will be the one attending college, and if she has a good “gut” feeling about this school, you have to respect her wishes. Now, if her decision is totally crazy, that is a different story, but it seems from what you have written that her decision is not one that is off the wall.</p>
<p>She will likely find her niche socially whatever school she goes to. If she meets a couple nice friends at this school, and a boyfriend, she will do just fine.</p>
<p>And as someone else posted, she can always transfer if it doesn’t work out.</p>
<p>Well, that’s not what I want for my kid, but if that is what she wanted for herself, that would be perfectly fine with me, and I would support her to the best of my ability.</p>
<p>What I want for my kid is that she look at her options with an open mind and make her decision based on the facts as she can discern them and on her priorities, not mine.</p>
<p>And I certainly don’t think the state U near my hometown - or any state U for that matter - is right for every kid, or for any given kid I don’t know.</p>
<p>So no, I have no such agenda.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>If it was, would you let them? Would you pay for it?</p>
<p>Apparently this parent is concerned about USC as a college choice. It’s not like their student is choosing a no-name college. It just doesn’t happen to be what the parent thinks their kiddo should have their heart set on.</p>
<p>I agree with Oldfort that students sometimes need to be given helpful advice regarding the strength of colleges vs. others that they might be considering…but in this OPs case, if USC is the school in question (as others seem to think), I would say…it’s a great school with lots of options.</p>
<p>I would not pay 50+K for a lower tier school if they could get similar education at our State U, or at a school with merit money. No, I would want some discount for some of those schools.</p>
<p>Careful as overall undergrad rankings could be flawed and mask problems* or the fact a given school may be penalized for non-academic/political factors such as not participating in the rank surveys** or having a student body who mostly goes into low-paying public service/professions out of a desire to serve society and help others***.</p>
<p>Moreover, higher ranked schools may not have strong departments/programs for a student’s given academic interests or those departments’ focus/interpretation may completely clash with his/her own interests/focus (i.e. MIT’s Econ/Poli-sci departments being too quantitatively focused, disagreement with the Chicago school of Economics, NYU’s poli-sci department being too quantitative/rational-choice oriented, etc.). </p>
<ul>
<li>I.e. NYU’s skyrocketing rankings into the top 30 even though the undergrad education/experience/debt problems hasn’t improved since I turned down admission there 15+ years ago. In some cases…they’ve gotten worse from what I heard from recent NYU graduates.<br></li>
</ul>
<p>** I.e. Reed College…a school I’d regard as on par or better than many LACs in the Top 25 or even Top 10 based on their academic quality/rigor and quality of graduates IME. </p>
<p>*** I.e. Oberlin College. Most classmates ended up going into academia, think tank/science research, teaching, NGOs, public service, music, or the arts. Not the most lucrative professions enabling multi-million/billion dollar alumni donations.</p>
<p>Parents absolutely are in the right limiting their financial contribution to what they can afford to pay. No argument there. My D knows the number, and she’s going into this with her eyes open. She knows that some of the places she’s applying and is likely to get in are probably not going to be affordable. Fortunately, she’s taken our advice not to lock into a “dream school” and has declared that she will be perfectly fine if she winds up at the one true financial safety on the list. Yes, it happens to be a state school; no, it’s not our local state school.</p>