<p>I see no harm in the RA’s providing impersonal information of that type. Except if he is expressly told not to contact parents without the kid’s permission- or not to contact them at all- and not to set precedent by doing so in individual cases. And, we don’t now what conversation the student had with that RA. There is no indication that the student asked th RA to bring food or told the RA the case was dire- or to leave her to sleep. </p>
<p>I highly doubt (that’s IMO, ok?) that a housing admin who directs RA’s is completely limited to picking up emails 8-5. After all, we can all imagine situations where a college adult (other than security) is required, pronto. I am guessing that the lead guy is also on a pager. The RA may have reported facts as he/she saw them, when checking in at 4pm. We don’t know.</p>
<p>^ Yeah, D2 once messaged a pic of a huge bruise and asked me what to do.</p>
<p>Since an RA is a student and could possibly have several sick kids at any time, it’s unrealistic to expect them to be like “moms” checking in on sick kids.</p>
<p>Maybe there’s a future business in this somewhere. Perhaps universities could contract with nurses or whatever, and parents could pay a fee to have a nurse check in on their sick child twice a day or something.</p>
<p>DS once sent a pic of his heel and blister to his sister - lucky she sent it on to me and called me to alert me. Licks of red already traveling up his leg, fever, malaise, cellulitis. Another few hours and he would have had to have been hospitalized. As it was, he just escaped it!</p>
<p>Not a bad idea, Mom2! I understand there are now people who will come do laundry for college kids so why not a visiting nurse service? I’m too cheap to do it but did teach my kids to call the nurse line provided by our insurance company if they couldn’t reach me or their own doctor.</p>
<p>Most hospitals have a home health department so yes, if one was that concerned about a kiddo, the local hospital may be a resource. But really the first line of contact can be the college health services. But sometimes you do have to convince the kids to make the trek! I remember “teaching” the kids when they were young about blisters and infection and the “red lines” and fever. Scary.</p>
<p>Not only are there many 18-year-olds, there are many full-grown adults who flounder when it comes to taking care of their health. I’ve heard my DH tell the tale of how he was terribly ill in his dorm room with strep decades ago. My guess (based on decades of marriage) is that he waited too long to see a doctor. In his twenties he almost died – literally, almost died – after thinking he knew what he was doing going to the ER with appendicitis and not telling his parents. He got awful care and by the time he was dying of a post-op infection he finally had the good sense to call his parents who got him to a top surgeon who said another day would have been the end of him. Fast forward to the same guy in his fifties who didn’t want to call the doctor when he had symptoms of a heart attack and which was, indeed, a heart attack. And this is an extremely bright guy.</p>
<p>Our faculty FERPA briefings have included the idea of “directory information.” As far as I know, this concept still stands. The idea is that “directory information” can be released to anyone, including student information. Some types of information that used to be in the directories (e.g., major) are no longer there. Students can also opt out of listing. However, there are no restrictions on releasing the information that is in the directory. </p>
<p>It seems to me that an RA can draw a clear line between providing directory information that might be helpful to people–e.g., here is the web site of the student health service–vs. providing any kind of specific information pertaining to a student. The student health service does not opt out of being listed in the directory!</p>
<p>ucsd<em>ucla</em>dad remarked on the hours that the student health service is typically open (normal business hours, more or less true where I am). There is a further “click” to get to information about after-hours care. It is still totally open information on the university’s web page. I’d think an RA could provide that link.</p>
<p>There are a number of occupations where it’s useful to make a judgment call about how helpful one can be to another person (who initiates a contact), and what kinds of help or information cannot be provided. I imagine that there are professions where it’s considered the best course to do nothing at all–just hang up or discard the email. But to some extent, we do all rely on each other to help out, within our spheres of expertise (either pro bono, or compensated). I wouldn’t take a job where simple courtesy was ruled out.</p>
<p>I did not read through the entire thread, so forgive me if I am repeating. The advice I gave my daughter was that if she has a fever of 103 or if she feels different than she ever has before when she was sick, she should seek medical attention. H1N1 went through her suite during her first two weeks of college in 2009. She escaped that one.</p>
<p>However, another time she was feeling puny and light-headed (and she has a history of passing out), so she called the clinic at her city university (Go Pitt!) and was told to call security. A campus security officer picked her up in front of her dorm and drove her to the clinic. I was amazed by this act of kindness. The security office received candy at Christmas from me.</p>
<p>Anyway, I do think that we have to teach our children to trust their feelings and seek help when needed. We also need to emphasize that it is better to go for help and find out something is not serious than to put it off.</p>
<p>About the whole RA question, I don’t know what I think. I would have no problem contacting the RA if I was worried about my daughter.</p>
<p>sandiego: I’m glad your DD is better now. But I read through most of this thread and picked up on this: </p>
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<p>I think it’s important to prepare your D/S when they are going off to college for medical situations. My DD had chronic sinus infections freshman year (she was in a single so no roommate to get sick). I had sent her off to school with a box of OTC meds and explained what they were for. She also knew when she had to get to the health center for antiobiotics - although they never gave her anything strong enough.</p>
<p>I hated those phone calls when she was sick. She forced herself to class, to study, etc., but she sounded awful. I never once thought about the RA playing any role whatsoever in any of this, even those nights when I couldn’t sleep because I was so worried about her. Took her to doctors/specialists when she was home and asked about getting her specialists down at school, but it never came to that.</p>
<p>Because of the past year, DD has learned to advocate for herself with her healthcare. Part of growing up. She’s had several situations where she had to be assertive with the doctor’s office, the pharmacy - even though she’d prefer that I handle it. She calls me with questions to make sure she’s doing the right thing and that’s fine.</p>
<p>If she were even sicker, I think I would have messaged her friends there via Facebook (since you can do that without being “friends” with them), but only in dire emergency because DD would not like this. I would never think to contact the RA. If she were really sick, of course I would drop everything and get down there (3-4 hrs away).</p>
<p>The lesson - for people on this thread who haven’t sent their kids off to college yet - make sure they are prepared for medical situations. It’s part of the process of gaining independence – and if they are old enough to go away to college, then they can navigate the typical medical problems that they face.</p>
<p>Even the most self sufficient kid can be helpless when they are sick. My oldest late freshman fall and sicker than all get out called me at work to ask me the phone number for Health Services. Knew he needed to go. Knew the college had one. Knew what building it was in. Knew they were open. Not even sure why he wanted the phone number. Really??? I told him it was on the website and he told me he was too sick to get out of bed and fire up his laptop and could I please look it up for him. I think he didn’t need “help” at all, he just wanted to hear his mommy’s voice! Of course now that you know they are sick you worry about them for a week.</p>
<p>My daughter makes me a bit crazy because she will call me about the latest sickness (should I worry about a 101.8 temp?) or crisis, gets me all wound up, solves it or feels better, and I don’t hear from her again… aaaaaahhhh parenting.</p>
<p>I’ve only made it through the first half of this thread, but I want to add:
Many parents are listed on a thread called In Loco Parentis (myself included). We are close to various colleges and are willing to help when you are far from your student in situations such as those being described by so many.</p>
<p>My D, the RA, has been ill or injured a couple of times. When she was home last year, the doctor gave her a scrip for acne. She had a really bad reaction and her entire face swelled up so badly she couldn’t see. I told her to call a friend and on my other line, I called our family doctor. She said D needed steroids but we are 300+ miles away. Her friend drove her to the Er. She didn’t even think to call her RD!</p>
<p>When I lived away from home, the thought of calling my parents when I was sick never occurred to me. When I had surgery onmy knees, my best friend came to stay with me for a week because I lived in a walkup. When she was sick, I went to stay with her.</p>
<p>For those parents of high schoolers who may be lurking…senior year of HS is an excellent time to let your kiddo start filling out medical forms at the dr’s office, taking a prescription to the pharmacist, going to the dentist/eye doctor solo, etc. Yes, my dear son, it requires an insurance card and a copay! What do you need to remember to take with you next time? I generally was there since neither one drove at that stage, but the point was that they learned to navigate some of these things before they left for college and/or had to do it for the first time when they were feeling sick or were injured.</p>
<p>Another thing I learned – since I often buy generic OTC meds (and packed their first aid kits with same), my kids did not know they actually had Dayquil, Benedryl, etc. because it wasn’t labeled as such. This could be critical if certain meds are contraindicated in combination with drugs. Not to mention that they didn’t realize they already had stuff that would shut off that drippy nose!</p>
<p>Ditto on dealing with mailing a letter or package, laundry, using a debit card, etc.</p>
<p>Mimk6’s post reminds me of the time I was so sick and bravely waiting it out. My mom happened to call and insisted I take my temp and call the doctor’s office, stat. Turned out to be an emergency, the sort I could have not survived. Mom was rather annoyed at me. I was about 40.</p>
<p>Fortunately, strep is not as easily transmitted as the flu and many other ailments. It is very common for one person in a family to get it and no one else catch it. You can be contagious before symptoms, however. My D’s roommate had strep freshman year and my D did not move out. We figured she had already been exposed. Even though the OP’s daughter moved out, I would expect that she might check in on her - even if they are particularly close yet. That’s just something roommates do.</p>
<p>Could not agree more with CountingDown. My parents never did that with me and though I was fortunate enough to get out of college with anything worse than a cold, I realize now that if I had been sick or injured, I wouldn’t have known what hospital to go to or how to pay for it or how to pick up a prescription (at home we used a closed health plan system where the doctors/nurses/pharmacies/and hospitals were all one thing. I had never used a commercial pharmacy before). </p>
<p>It’s good to go over basic warning signs and pack them a first aid kit too (including thermometer). Bandaids, pain relievers, basic cold and flu meds, if you’re doing a run a at a bulk store for college anyway, why not buy a couple of big jars of these for your kid to keep on hands. Sometimes the worst thing about being sick at school is being too sick to go into town and buy simple meds like Day Quil. If you have good friends, they’ll go for you, but it’s much better just to have a bunch on hand.</p>