Child sick in dorm room..RA MIA!

Parents Forum
1

<p>If your kid is sick in bed at college, who will check in on them? Don't rely on the RA!</p>

<p>Last Monday afternoon, the first week of classes at her UC campus, my D was told by the campus health center she had strep throat. She returned to her dorm room with the antibiotics, taking them along with Aleve for her fever, and get into bed. </p>

<p>At around 4pm her RA stopped by, spoke with her and the roommate who was going to wisely spend the night in a friend's room. The RA wished her a speedy recover then left.</p>

<p>Around 9:30pm my D called. She hadn't gotten out of bed since everyone left, and felt too sick to move. I asked if the RA had stopped by, she said no.</p>

<p>I emailed the RA(didn't have her phone number) around 10PM, letting her know it would be
great if she checked in on my sick daughter to see if she needed anything. I also added at
the end of the short email if she felt this wasn't part of her job to please email or call me ASAP.</p>

<p>What happened next just blows my mind.</p>

<p>At 10:45pm the RA forwarded my email to her supervisor's business email, the 9-5 professional who oversees RA's.</p>

<p>Did she check on my daughter? Nope. </p>

<p>The next morning at 10am my phone rang, it was the RA supervisor. After some institutional CYA, and at one point a very heated debate, he finally admitted it was the responsibility of RA's to look after the "health and welfare" of students, though wouldn't agree this RA had failed that.</p>

<p>He offered to check in on my daughter himself which he did by phone, offering to get her
anything she needed.</p>

<p>At 4pm that day, the RA showed up again, 24 hours later, to finally check in on her.</p>

<p>Look, my D had plenty of water and medicine. In addition she has friends from HS attending the school who I could have called if things
had taken a turn for the worse. </p>

<p>But isn't that besides the point?</p>

<p>This summer, as parents, we attended a three day orientation where school administrators,
professors and well trained students went over what seemed every aspect of life at the
school.</p>

<p>I must of missed the part about if your child gets sick, they are on their own.</p>

2

<p>To be honest, though it would have been a courtesy to check on her, I would have never thought to contact the RA and expect that this would be something they would do. </p>

<p>I would guess that my sick child would rely on a roommate or other friends to look out for her or get them what they may need.</p>

3

<p>I wouldn’t expect an RA to check in on a sick student. If the student is sick enough that she needs someone to check in, then she belongs in an infirmary. I don’t think that’s the RA’s job, quite frankly.</p>

4

<p>As a parent, I would have gone to campus and picked up my child to take her home, if we lived nearby or to a hotel, if the school is at some distance from home. I would not leave a student with strep in the dorms…they are not equipped to handle the situation.</p>

5

<p>There’s nothing worse than your child being sick when they’re away from home. You feel helpless and there’s nothing you can do. They sound so sad and pathetic on the phone and your arms just want to hug them and make it all better.</p>

<p>But…</p>

<p>Really, the RA already went above and beyond the job description. They’re another student, not a nurse, not a friend, not a relative. Your daughter feels miserable, but strep throat is not life threatening. The RA checked in, made sure there was no emergency in progress, and wished her well.</p>

<p>Frankly, I think you are over the line in emailing the RA at all.</p>

<p>I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, and I hope your daughter feels better now that the antibiotics have kicked in. But this is a college dorm, not a concierge service.</p>

6

<p>When my daughter developed pnuemonia her freshman year because of the swine flu, I never even thought to email the RA. How bizarre.</p>

<p>I did fly out and take her to a hotel for a week and back and forth to classes, so I could feed her, make sure she was on her antibiotics and make sure she was getting enough sleep.</p>

7

<p>I wouldn’t expect an RA to check in on a sick student. If the student is sick enough that she needs someone to check in, then she belongs in an infirmary. I don’t think that’s the RA’s job, quite frankly.</p>

<p>I would agree- I thought RAs are more for dorm issues, not nursing care
She checked on her in the afternoon, that would have been the time for your daughter to make any requests of additional help- but generally people just want to be left alone when ill & since her HS friends were also students- wouldn’t she have preferred them for needed assistance?
Hope she is recovering.</p>

8

<p>Of course, you would like to know the RA would show the same concern for your daughter that you would. But, they are students, with very intermediate responsibilities. They don’t even have the medical sense or experience that a parent- or any adult who is a parent- would have. </p>

<p>When one of ours was quite ill, we spoke with the infirmary nurse- to verify the health center was open at that hour. She volunteered to have campus security pick up D and get her there (which turned out to be unnecessary.) Plus, do you know if your D actually indicated to the RA or roomate that she was in a dire situation? These situations are tough, but not necessarily part of the RA’s job description. Sorry.</p>

9

<p>I, too, would not have expected the RA to do more than pop in (like this RA did) and see if the student needed anything if the RA had heard the student was sick which many times I’m sure they don’t. I’m not sure they even are notified of illness by health services. I know S1 was pretty sick one winter (not contagious like strep) and his college would let his roommates pick up food at food service and he had regular appointments with the on-call doc at Health Services, they arranged for prescription pick up, a trip to the local hospital for a chest Xray etc. and told him if he needed any confirmation from profs they would happily send an e-mail. We talked to him off and on the days he was most ill as we were 1800 miles away, but I never expected an RA to do anything. I’m not sure what value an RA especially a student RA would add to a situation that roommates, health service and friends wouldn’t cover. Hopefully your D is recovering from the Strep and weathered this first illness away form the parents.</p>

10

<p>I don’t feel that it’s the RA’s responsibility to be your D’s nurse when she is sick. I think you have unrealistic expectations.</p>

11

<p>I don’t think any schools we checked out for my kids provided an after hours infirmary service, let alone an RA on call for medical concerns. It seems we were looking for nearby urgent care or ER’s for those situations, but I know they wouldn’t provide service in a students room either.</p>

<p>Just noticed it was at a UC! Nope; wouldn’t be relying on the RA. </p>

<p>Hope she is feeling better!</p>

12

<p>I think that the RA was appropriate. That may sound cold, but they are also students and they don’t want to catch strep. The RA forwarded the email to someone up the chain to deal with the situation and did so promptly.</p>

13

<p>Echoing others that your idea of what RA’s responsibilites are is way off. The courtesy check in to see that your daughter was ok was fine. If she was too sick to get out of bed she should have stayed in the infirmary, or asked the roommate and a couple of friends to stop knock on the door occasionally and see if she needed anything. </p>

<p>My son had mono at college. The only people I would have considered calling, other than my son, was his roommate or the college health center.</p>

<p>

That’s right, because it’s not really the RA’s job. Count on your young adult to realize that they are sick enough to need help and either go to the infirmary, or ask a friend to help them.</p>

<p>I hope the meds have kicked in and she’s feeling better!</p>

14

<p>Yikes! My son would have killed me if I emailed his RA. I wouldn’t even know where to get the address. But anyway, isn’t part of becoming an adult figuring out how to navigate being sick? Plus I think it would be unfair to expose the RA to the strep – she’s not a medical professional – nor does she need to be.</p>

<p>This makes my hovering seem pretty minor now.</p>

15

<p>Checking in with sick kids sounds like a job for the “house mother.” House mother was a role that existed in my first years at college–early '70’s. There was also a curfew and an infirmary where sick students could stay. Not so these days.</p>

<p>I am actually surprised and disappointed that many college infirmaries are closed on weekends, particularly when there is no quick care or ER nearby. I’d hazard a guess that more students need medical services on weekends–more risky behaviors!</p>

<p>Sandiego, hope your daughter is recovering.</p>

16

<p>That RA is a student who did check on your student. Should the RA drop their studies/class load because your D is sick? Given the number of student they look after, how would they ever attend to their studies? What would their parents think? </p>

<p>I think you crossed the line in contacting the RA and in your discussion with the RA supervisor.</p>

17

<p>Come to think of it I don’t think I ever met either of my kids RAs, or ever received any contact info for them…how did you ever get an e-mail address?</p>

18

<p>Sounds like you had gotten the idea that the RA would be more involved from what you learned in orientation? In that case, I understand your thinking.</p>

<p>But I currently have 2 in college, and also would never have thought to call an RA for something like this.</p>

<p>I ask both of my college kids to be sure to keep at least a couple cans of microwavable soup and quick meals in their rooms just in case they are too sick to get to a dining hall. Otherwise they will beg hallmates to bring them something.</p>

<p>Once I went down to check on one of them myself when I was worried that the student health diagnosis didn’t seem right (but I am an MD myself, so tend to do lots of diagnosing over the phone!) That obviously won’t work if you are more than a few hours away.</p>

19

<p>I agree that it is inappropriate to expect the RA to do anything more than what was done. Your child is moving toward independence, and part of growing up is taking care of yourself when you are sick. Strep throat is not life-threatening, and if your child needed further care, I’m sure there is an infirmary on campus. It is not the RA’s responsibility to check in with your sick child.</p>

<p>I will never forget the terrible stomach flu that ravaged my dorm my freshman year, 25 years ago. Everyone was throwing up and worse…I was away from home for the first time and felt so lonely because I didn’t have my mom to take care of me. But…if my mom had flown up and taken me to a hotel, I would have been mortified. I eventually ended up in the infirmary for a day or two - on a cot in the hall, because everyone else was in there, too, and all the beds were taken! :)</p>

<p>Your child is a young adult. As difficult as it is to be far away and know that she is sick, you are not doing her any favors by raising a stink because no one is taking care of her like you would. No one ever will, because you are her mom. This might be the first time you feel this frustrated and helpless because she is on her own, but it won’t be the last. It is hard, but if your daughter is bright enough to get herself to the health center, get medication and go to bed to recover, she will likely be just fine.</p>

20

<p>The OP wrote: “I also added at
the end of the short email if she felt this wasn’t part of her job to please email or call me ASAP.”</p>

<p>It wasn’t part of her job, as you suspected. But I can understand your worry, and I hope your daugher is getting better.</p>