I preface this by explaining this is an “all things being equal” question and of course has no right answers. We are at the beginning station of refining our list and have done a preliminary visit for several of the schools. We so far have many reasons to love all of them which is very reassuring. My son plays and enjoys soccer and will likely be on a thirds level for high school so he will have something to play in the Fall. He is eager to start a new sport and wrestling is something that might suit his abilities (and interest). Wrestling is offered at about half of the schools we are looking at. Although as a family we are not athletes I believe strongly in the value of team sports for high schoolers. As we whittle our list of 10 down to 6 or so, what experiences or opinions might you offer to inform our thoughts on this matter?
Consider the role of PGs (post graduates) and for schools that don’t take those repeat 11th graders. How many does the school bring in and how does that affect the sports culture and opportunities on a given campus. How much does a school emphasis winning over broad based sports participation? Some schools are much more focused on having winning sports teams than others. Some schools don’t have thirds teams but they have robust and fun “club” teams (such as SPS).
I think it depends on the school. I dont know what your choices are but some schools are very sports oriented and that culture infuses the school much more broadly than others (examples would be Westminster, Avon old Farms, Loomis, Salisbury, Lawrence, Taft,). Then there are schools that have sports with varying degrees of success. (Milton, Andover , Exeter, Groton, Choate Hotchkiss). These schools may have certain teams that are very successful but the non varsity teams are usually filled with first time players or very inexperienced players. There admit standards are so tight that the sports teams are up and down year to year. And congrats to having so many choices. Very unusual.
Oh and personally sports are very important as they are part of the fabric of the schools. So I would want options that suited your kid.
I would think that sports would factor into the equation much more when the kid is a candidate for varsity as a freshman, not thirds. And even then, it should be an “all else being equal” decision.
As for whether you should whittle your list now at this point based on wrestling programs…I don’t know if I’d do it. Partially because you’ve keyed in on wrestling. While I have no wrestlers in the family, I was friends with a few in high school…from anecdotes (and watching a meet or two) this is a HARDCORE sport that I think weeds out those who are not cut out for it very quickly. I would hate to see you base your initial list on wrestling, only for your kid to find out it was not for him in his first winter.
That said, we did pick a school with sports in mind (but for varsity freshman type daughter). And even then, in hindsight I don’t know if that was the wisest choice…
I do applaud you placing a premium on a "mens sana in corpore sang"ethos. I think there are many schools that might fit this description. I would definitely look at schools with thirds teams in all seasons so that your son might get to try a little bit of everything.
If I had to do it again, keeping your thoughts in mind, I would look for:
- The possibility of substituting another activity, such as theater, community service, serious music, or an independent project for athletics.
If we had to apply again, with our kids, being able to participate in theater rather than sports would be a necessary element for any school. Theater takes a great deal of time. I believe it is unusually powerful in building skills that professional adults need these days, such as public speaking. As I also believe in academics, schools which require all students to participate in sports for all three seasons would not be on the list.
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In expanding #1, if your child is not an athlete, I would be sensitive to the school’s social structure. Are athletes the top of the school pecking order? Are there non-athletic academic, musical or community service “stars” who are also respected by fellow students and adults? Every school is different, so there’s no general rule.
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While you may want your child to play sports, there’s no predicting if your son will like the sports you want him to play. Neither of my children took to crew, for example, although it’s a beautiful sport, and I would have loved them to participate.
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Ask if there are teams which have a limited number of positions. At one school we visited, for example, there were not many squash courts. The school liked to admit squash players, which meant starting squash at boarding school would have been difficult, if not impossible.
I went to college with several All-NE wrestlers and they are by far some of the fittest and disclined athletes I have every met. There is a bond among them like almost no other sport I know. In most I sports I have experienced there are either cliques or disinterest among they players.
If you are considering wrestling, I would look to see if there is a wrestling club where you live to give him a taste of it. If there isn’t one around try Jujitsu. It is very close.
Another option for the less than athletic is “Rowing”. Many DS and BS have Rowing programs.
My family, my kid, my kid’s cohort come from a reasonably serious sports background, so for the families who choose the boarding/private school adventure, the availability of a particular sport is key. Very few of the applicants over the years have chosen to apply to schools that didn’t have that sport.
Plus, my kid has the odd notion that crew is a thing to do in high school, so we won’t (probably) won’t be applying to schools without two particular sports.
The bonus is that you can’t apply to every school. You can’t apply to every good school. You can’t apply to every good-fit school. You need to make a list of potential schools based on something, so sport or sports is a really good criterion to use–doesn’t have to be the only one.
Many schools with compulsory three season athletics requirements have non-athletic substitutes, such as varsity theater, varsity art, community service, etc. This is true even at some of the all-boy settings, e.g., Woodberry Forest. Almost all will also have a non-competition track, especially for later years, personal fitness, rec golf, intramural basketball, etc.
As for the benefits of team athletic programs, it really does vary school by school and sport by sport. If, for example, and I know his fall sport is soccer, your son is 5’0", 100lbs in the 8th grade, going by the odds and standard growth charts, he is probably not going to ever make the varsity football team at almost any school of sufficient size. He might at a very small school that has to scrape together enough kids to field a team, but is that really going to be a positive experience - a team that has players who have to be there, lack the aptitude, and gets slaughtered routinely by more complete programs.
On the other hand, that same kid might become a varsity wrestler as a freshman just because they need someone to fill out the lowest weight class. He may win a bunch of points for his team by forfeit.
In comparing schools and athletic offerings, there are three factors to consider: 1) breadth - do they offer enough programs so he engage in all of his preferred sports or experiment in new sports if his preferences change or he gets cut some time along his athletic career; 2) inspiration - are there coaches in programs he is likely to join who are going to instill life lessons beyond the sport in areas such as teamwork, grit, etc. (not all coaches do, but sometimes you can tell from their blogs, meeting them, reputations, watching a practice, etc.); 3) alternatives - if he cannot find a sport he enjoys during a particular season, what are his options?
We used a specific sport availability as a way to narrow down the many excellent choices of school. It was a bit arbitrary but we needed SOMETHING to help narrow the field. 
Looking back, although we are extremely happy with our final choice, we excluded some schools which appear to be excellent fits, so I am not sure it was a great way to do this. The one piece of advice I have heard several times (and which I think is very worth taking) is to evaluate whether you would be happy with the school if you never make the team in your sport, or if you break your leg and can’t play. In other words, the sport can be part of the decision but should not be the basis for the whole decision.
Good luck!
Another option for the less than athletic is “Rowing”.
^^^^Really? I might say that rowing suits people who might not be the best with eye-hand coordination (stick/ball sports), but I’d never suggest it for a “less than athletic” kid.
@sevendad you took the words right out of my keyboard.
Hi everyone, I could go on and on about each reply you gave. Suffice it to say that I am grateful for this community. The replies were thoughtful and help me to clarify for myself where I should put this particular element on my hierarchy of factors to consider. in deciding where to apply. Thank you.
Perhaps that comment refers to the fact that a non-athlete can join the novice crew team with no prior experience and no particular level of fitness. Our son was a total non-athlete (never played a day of any sport) and a bit overweight when he showed up for novice crew at Choate as an incoming freshman. By December, he was no longer overweight. By junior year, he was near the top of the varsity roster. So, a kid can start in this sport cold but will not and cannot remain in the “less athletic” category very long.
I knew that comment was going to get blow-back. But lets get serious, someone that does crew does not have to have laterally movement; understand a specific sport IQ; court or field awareness; the counter-punching an opponent, such as boxing, fencing, wrestling; extreme eye hand coordination; change of speed; jumping; etc.
They have to row at the tempo of someone else’s decision. They have to be moderately coordinated to put the oar in the water at a specific angle and then pull.
I am not trying to minimize crewing. My son crews (along with some other sports). And it is a helluva work out. But it is not as athletically or mentally taxing as many other sports. You will as ChoatieMom pointed out get is better shape than a lot of sports
re: crew view this and tell me this isn’t as mentally or athletically taxing as any sport: The official coverage here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Zv48dbcN70
My favorite, the GoPro view from the cox’s perspective: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NT4ufLMskQM
Why label it as being “athletic” or not? I would just say that some sports are easier to pick up with no prior competitive experience. Crew would be one of them. Cross country. Track and field. Volleyball.
I don’t know why I’m even bothering… Crew is an exhausting mental game. A rower who doesn’t understand how to harness the power of his/her mind to handle the pain, the burn, the oxygen debt, to shut out everything beside what is needed to endure being pushed to physical and emotional limits under extreme pressure will be mediocre at best. I would argue that BECAUSE rowing, on the surface anyway, is a repetitive set of motions that can be learned, the mental game is all.
If you don’t think crew is athletically taxing, perhaps you didn’t watch the video @PhotographerMom linked in another thread:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbPOe9ACXzc
Or I don’t understand your definition of athleticism. In any case, we’re getting OT focusing on any single sport.
I would say to the OP that although our son did not consider sports as a criteria when selecting schools to apply to (he actually feared the sport requirement), he will be the first to tell you that what he got from his sport:
- extreme fitness/athleticism/mental focus
- a sense of inclusion/membership/confidence
- selflessness (all for the boat)
- discipline and commitment
- a lifelong passion for something he hadn't even heard of before BS
surpassed anything and everything else he got out of the BS experience. He pinged us from a race yesterday to say his college boat took first place in its category and there was great joy in his voice and pride for bringing home gold for his school. I will be forever in awe of the transformation this sport wrought in my son and shame for my ignorance of the role sports can play in rounding a kid out.
Your son and your family already understand the value of sports, so you are ahead of the game. I agree with @london203:
All of the schools discussed here will provide your son with opportunities to try new things and allow him to participate at his own level and grow from there. He will find his team(s). Good luck to you.
I wouldn’t even use the term “athletic.” For some sports it seems one might have a difficult time breaking in beyond 13 or 14 years old. I assume that many varsity roster spots taken by a first year student (freshman or whatever it is called at a particular school) will be by those with experience in the sport, and usually at a club level. To me sports where strategy and size come into play would fit this category – football, soccer, lacrosse, etc.
^ Volleyball does look easy yet it is an extremely technical sport. You really cannot play it without (lots of) prior training. Here is one ranking of sports by degree of difficulty: http://espn.go.com/espn/page2/sportSkills.
@ChoatieMom – I am not trying to marginalize rowing. My son is rowing now in a “club” in Boston. And it is very challenging to him physically. That said, I think we have a different opinion when comparing fitness and athleticism.