I think this depends a lot on the people involved and how the questions are asked. As a parent, I hate unsolicited, unwanted advice as much as anyone. On the other hand, a lot of people we know ask because they are genuinely interested in my kid, and I appreciate that. Similarly some people I know like to talk about their kid’s college process and some don’t, so I try to take cues from them about whether they want to engage on the topic and then move off if they don’t.
For our kids, I think it’s a good life skill for them to know their own comfort level and learn how to control a conversation. If they don’t want to talk about it, they should know how to be ready with some polite conversational gambits to move the conversation off that topic. Some kids (e.g., my older daughter) might need more coaching on this than others (e.g., my younger daughter who was born with more social skills than the rest of her family combined).
Yes. The most unexpected feedback came from my D’s wonderful 1st teacher in high school. D casually mentioned on her way out of a lesson that she wanted to major in music. He called us back later that week for a “free” lesson and sat us down for a talk about why D should maybe reconsider based on professional experience. Potential life in the gig economy, intense competition, etc., etc. Clearly my daughter disregarded this advice, but we appreciated it because it came from a place of concern rather than judgment. In fact she used this as the topic for one of her grad school essays to talk about how this experience really pushed her to examine her motivation and determination to pursue a career in music.
For more random and less well-informed comments, I tell them that as long as there is a B. in my D’s degree (i.e., B.M., B.A., B.anything), she can choose any major she wants. If it goes further, I just tell them about all the wonderful life and career skills that @BeverlyWest mentioned.
Son applied VP/bass. I’d love to send him to a tippy-top music program, but my wallet can’t afford it. His GPA is lower, so academically competitive and cutthroat environments are not for him. Being able to potentially travel with a choir or learn about the tech or business sides may interest him as well. Being able to audition for a part in a musical theater show could be a bonus. When asked what his plan is, he isn’t sure, but music is what makes him happy.
Any thoughts or comments about the following schools for Voice (which I know is a very odd list of non-matching schools)? Please, no other suggestions at this time. He’s a senior, and auditions have passed.
Although my VP daughter did not apply to Baldwin Wallace, she did have some positive interactions with the school over the past few years through the CS Music Competition. They have a good reputation for musical theatre and also have VP and full operas being produced there as well. More of a small school/community vibe. I think that the MT kids get to do a showcase in major cities(NYC) at the end of four years.
Being from Ohio I’ve heard good things about Baldwin Wallace. We were told during my daughters undergrad process that they were one of the few who would allow a VP major to participate in a musical theater production. Don’t 100% count on that as I didn’t verify it but we were told that a few times.
A friends daughter graduated from Ball State for theater and She enjoyed it.
People who don’t really understand music believe that it is an innate gift and that there is little work involved. Yes, it is super frustrating and we know how many hours our kids have spent working on their craft and the work involved in learning music theory. My daughter will major in opera and that is super strange to pretty much everyone at her public school. She even had a principal ask if she wanted to work as a singing server at Macaroni Grill. It is almost comical how different her experience is between auditioning at major music schools (where everyone is super serious about music) to coming back to her school environment where it is totally misunderstood.
This is something we’ve been dealing with since my daughter was a senior in HS (college senior now). I’m so over it. This year as she gets ready to graduate and we’ve been traveling to grad school auditions, people seem to take it more seriously when I tell them about it. My go to was always to remind people that corporations hire people with music degrees all the time so she still has every opportunity to fall into a career she hates like most of us. But she’s at least going to try!
Yup, totally get that one. People think that my talented but not exceptional kid is going to use his music as a free ride into all of the schools that their kids “work so hard for”. They think that he is so talented it is a no brainer, no idea!
Same for my DS when he took a master class with a teacher world renowned in his instrument. She was so discouraging that he questioned whether or not he wanted to pursue music.
I told him perhaps she wanted him to fully be aware of how challenging it is. I also questioned whether she felt it would be even extra challenging because he is a minority in this field and she wanted to be sure he was aware there may be challenges.
In any event, he decided to keep going. He also decided not to apply to her school. It worked out in the end
We always look back at the visit we had at a school where the head of percussion said that it was easier to become an NFL quarterback than to get a job as a percussionist at a top tier US orchestra. Probably wanted to give that extra dose of reality.
Didn’t dissuade kid - although he is quite pragmatic and is casting a somewhat non-traditional ‘net’ of grad school choices. (and similar to @BoyFluteMom - kid didn’t apply to that school for undergrad)
Congrats to all the acceptances and financial offers over the past week!! I just thought that I would add a few comments.
1.) @anotheroboemom is so correct about this experience being the first dress rehearsal for the rest of their lives as far as money is concerned (highs and lows). It is good for them to have to struggle with the money issues. They will need to learn how to negoiate and talk about money. Kids at schools seem to “compete” on being cheap…so that’s good! Don’t shy away from the money issues. In the end, most students are fine with their school choice, particularly once they get to their school and get busy. The shiny, expensive conservatory on the hill…recedes and is never a big deal in the end. And, it was always interesting how rich my D was until she had to spend her own money. Then she was a real scrooge! Now it’s all her own money and she does a good job…as far as I know…lol…
2.) Here is the ebb and flow of obnoxious comments so far…
Going to college…everyone has an opinion…and it’s not your responsibility to educate the ignorant. That’s fine if they don’t know anything…if you are over-explaining, it may be time for a bathroom break and/or another drink. Excuse yourself.
College graduation…all the sudden these people are back. Where did they go for 4 peaceful years and why are they interested in me again!!! Ugh…I just moved to…“I have no idea what she’s going to do, I guess we’ll have to just wait and see”. If I tried to explain auditions etc…they just looked at me with pity and doubt…so I stopped.
A few years later…is she still doing that “broadway thing”? She’s not in NYC or on broadway…but y’all know what I mean. Less information is always best. “Yea…kind of…teaching and performing, that’s what’s she doing”. Most have lost interest by now…and move on quickly to gossip about marriages and pregnancies…and even a quick divorce!
But it seems to finally be ending now that she’s 30. There’s an acceptance that somehow my kid makes a living, has bought a house (yes, she and her boyfriend could afford a home)…and is doing something (less than their kid) to make a living. Interest is quite low as people have moved on to their retirement plans, grandchildren etc.
So after 10+ years of torture…it’s pretty good now! Hang in there. And remember the shorter the answer, the freer you are!
My D was just accepted for VP at Baldwin Wallace last night. In February, we traveled to BW for an in-person audition, and we were both impressed with the teachers and facilities. We attended a masterclass that was very well done. My D loves that she can still audition for MT productions. BW also has a relationship with professional theaters in Cleveland. We are currently waiting until we get the financials (within the next couple of weeks) and for the results of other auditions. But, personally, I am excited about the school and the program!
He got accepted to UMD School of Music and Towson U School of Music with a nice scholarship which is about 75% of the Tuition and the Flute teachers at both schools seem to really like him and are quite accommodating.
The Towson flute professor is such an ego-boost! She is kind and has showered him with praise about his performance, maturity, musicality and approach to music future. Makes a mama proud. And our experience during the auditions in January was night and day compared to our visits to USC.
I love the UMD prof too. As well as the Oberlin flute prof. but we don’t find out about them until March 18.
still waiting but 8 other schools (none for msuic tho) so far, he has excellent options.
That’s a valid point! I’m assuming Greenbooking refers to the old practice of finding alternative overnight accommodations (in the Green Book) when hotels were not welcoming to Black travelers. Wishing your son a welcoming experience wherever he goes!
Berklee now also encompasses Boston Conservatory! And classical music students there are able to take any Berklee courses—often the entrepreneurial ones are popular for those preparing a career in music.
That’s really a powerful combination. I’ve heard about it. Apparently, my old friend had not. It makes sense to have the combination and courses available.
It makes sense to have the combination and courses available.