classmate bitterness over acceptances-- have you experienced it?

<p>I think the US system is fair. They choose the person they want after assessing what they do in and out of school.
In places like Asia where students get it purely by their academically achievements, grades and test scores, those from wealthy family have been tutored since they were in preschool and have a higher chance. Whereas the kids from poor families didn’t get a chance to get as great an education therefore it is unlikely they’ll be stronger academically.</p>

<p>Some girl in my grade got into Berkeley, but she doesn’t deserve it at all. She dropped most of the AP classes she took (the harder ones) and literally cried in front of the teachers when she wanted her grade boosted. In addition to that, thanks to my school’s crappy weighting system she’s in the top 10 ahead of way smarter people who take nothing but AP classes. I’m bitter that she got into a good school, but I really don’t think it matters. She only chose to go there because it’s the most prestigious of her list, but I’m sure she’ll learn that making a decision based on that wasn’t a good move (but she won’t realize that until she’s 2000 miles away from her parents).</p>

<p>(<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/high-school-life/915775-classmate-support-happiness-over-acceptances-have-you-experienced.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/high-school-life/915775-classmate-support-happiness-over-acceptances-have-you-experienced.html&lt;/a&gt;)</p>

<p>My friend got into Harvard, and I’m super happy for him.</p>

<p>In fact, sometimes I feel like bragging to other friends that my friend got into Harvard. (I’m a freshman… so it’s not like I was rejected).</p>

<p>

Yet in the American system, wealthy URM families still get an AA handicap despite being equally as prepared as wealthy White/Asian families for the admissions game.</p>

<p>^
Jersey13, I agree that AA should be economic-based not race-based. Rich kids -most of whom just happen to be white- have all sorts of advantages, from nice homes, to exposure to lots of educated accomplished people, to better secondary schools. It’s not an even playing field. It bothers the hell out of me that some people seem to think that just because they grew up privileged they shouldn’t be penalized for it. That to me is a Marie Antoinette, “let them eat cake,” attitude.</p>

<p>I don’t believe privileged kids should be penalized. But valedictorians, prep schools, top standardized test scores have become a dime a dozen. A Princeton adcom told me to my face that his school could fill every freshman class with all HS valedictorians with 2300 - 2400 SATs. Ditto HYSM and the top LACs. That still leaves THOUSANDS of valedictorians on the outside looking in. Were they cheated? There are only so many slots. And if you just fill every class at a top school with the students with the most impressive stats from THE BEST HIGH SCHOOLS, that would be totally elitist and segregated, because only a limited number of people can go to those HS, i.e., rich and influential families, or people living in the RIGHT geographic locations. </p>

<p>I think most colleges and universities do the best they can to recruit qualified kids interested in their institution and who they believe will make their institution a more INTERESTING place. That means for even the most seletive schools there will be a range of test scores and GPAs, and there is nothing wrong with that. So the grinds out there can just suck it up and accept the fact that some college somewhere is going to reject you and accept someone with less impressive “stats” than yours, but perhaps a more interesting personality than a snooty, “look at my GPA and test scores” attitude. </p>

<p>And, people, please stop whining about other people being jealous of you, and stop delighting in what you believe to be their misery. I find it difficult to disagree with another poster who said the college that admitted the OP probably made a mistake. Accept your good fortune (and every admission to an elite school is part luck, not just stats) and just move on.</p>

<p>Lone black guy gets in everywhere.</p>

<p>My other friends and I get rejected everywhere.</p>

<p>What else do you expect? lol</p>

<p>

Do you understand that things like geographic backgrounds, race/ethnicity, etc. are established parts of how elite private colleges and universities evaluate the quality of applicants? If a “superior” candidate is rejected, the most logical conclusion is that they were not in fact “superior”.</p>

<p>Do not confuse your own assessments of value with those used by others. If you want an academic meritocracy, apply to one of the many excellent public universities that primarily rely on numbers or look overseas. But don’t willingly play the elite admissions game, feed it with your money, and then come and complain about how unfair it is. Speak with your wallet or forever rest your peace.</p>

<p>One of my friends was really disappointed with the schools he was accepted to. He applied to ten schools and was rejected by four, waitlisted by two, and accepted by four. He’s going to Richmond, but he definitely regrets not presenting a better portrait of himself on his applications (and he had pretty solid stats too – president of a club, editor on the newspaper, 97 average, 2200 SATs, etc.). He really wanted to go to BC or UVA and was waitlisted by both. He’s so resentful now that he’s been insulting others, and even once said to me (a junior), “Well, I hope you still talk to me when I’m at Richmond and you are at some good school.” I didn’t know what to say…</p>

<p>To make matters worse for him, his closest friends made their dream schools (Emory & Notre Dame) with poorer stats, and, well, one’s kind of an airhead. Plus, a “rival” of his (mostly a joke, but they’re competitive) did even better than expected and plans on going to Cornell. I feel bad for him, and he can be pretty moody normally and has had self-esteem problems so I dunno what to do! He seems to have improved with time and is now starting to warm up to Richmond, a school he always did like, however.</p>

<p>@Plainsman, that was well said :)</p>

<p>People are only bitter when they have applied to the same schools, and got rejected/ waitlisted when someone they believe is " less- qualified" or “undeserving” got in. Otherwise why should someone who didn’t even apply be bitter??? My thoughts are: WHO CARES!!! Let people be bitter if they want, you know that there are people who will be no matter what. </p>

<p>If you aren’t intelligent enough to understand that how others perceive of you shouldn’t affect your attitude, then maybe you shouldn’t have been accepted. Brush it off and move on with life.</p>

<p>“And, people, please stop whining about other people being jealous of you, and stop delighting in what you believe to be their misery. I find it difficult to disagree with another poster who said the college that admitted the OP probably made a mistake. Accept your good fortune (and every admission to an elite school is part luck, not just stats) and just move on.”</p>

<p>Very nicely said, Plainsman.</p>

<p>Early in the last century those from the middle and lower classes who where able to go to college were grateful to have an opportunity to better themselves. Most did not get to go to their “dream school” and they settled for one that was affordable. Personally, I think any child who is able to go to college and spend four years in the semi-insulated life of college is very fortunate and I think it is a shame so many teenagers view college admissions as a big competition to showcase who is the “greatest.”</p>

<p>It’s easy to be happy for the deserving kids, even if you did not get into the school you hoped for. </p>

<p>It’s more difficult to be happy for the kid who is obviously less qualified, not great test scores, not a high achiever OR a good essay writer, and you just know he got into a top school because his parents paid somebody to craft his applications for him. You know it.</p>

<p>And you wonder if he’ll still need his parents to edit his papers and his frat brothers to ghost-write for him.</p>

<p>I’ve only been bitter over one person. Simply because I didn’t think they were deserving at all. For everyone else though I was glad</p>

<p>I’ve been lucky enough to avoid any “bitterness” because no one from my school has ever heard of my dream school (Carleton), outside of my excited rambling about it. I just get lots of blank looks and people saying “oh…that’s nice. Isn’t it cold in Minnesota?” My friends congratulated me on it because they knew I really liked it, but other than that, it hasn’t been stressful socially in terms of college acceptance. </p>

<p>Unfortunately, I feel like this is an exception. March/April have been awkward months - there’s a lot of bitterness at among classmates. However, I have a lot of sympathy for some of the more “bitter” students at my school. Case in point: we have one student who isn’t generally among the top students, goofs around a lot, and is generally a jerk to various people. He doesn’t exactly make it a secret that he doesn’t really care about schoolwork - I know he’s smart (I’ve known him for a while), but he just doesn’t really care about it, or do a lot of his work. Unfortunately, he’s also a fantastic and highly-recruited soccer player and has known since last spring that he will be attending Harvard this year. Personally, I don’t really care, as I had no interest in the Ivy League, but I feel bad for some of my classmates who were flat-out rejected after working really hard. In general - and I say this as an athlete - I think that the preference they get can be unfair. But such is life, and we can’t really change it, so we just have to move on, I guess.</p>

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<p>It is true that there is some randomness in the admissions process. But when people say things like these, it disregards the amount of hard work needed to get into top schools (multiple top schools in the OP’s case) and deflates accepted students’ accomplishments… and it also shows bitterness over acceptances.</p>

<p>Yes!</p>

<p>I’ve definitely been experiencing this bitterness from students at my school, but I don’t much care. My dream school has always been Stanford, and when I was deferred REA there was already animosity, because everyone else who applied early was rejected. One girl in particular who also really really wanted to go there was especially mad. But when I got ACCEPTED in the regular round, oh boy. S**t hit the fan, haha. People were like, “WHAT! that kid doesn’t deserve to go there!” and stuff like that. None of it was to my face, but it was definitely the word on the street, and all my close friends were telling me they were hearing that from people.</p>

<p>But I don’t even care one bit. I know in my heart that Stanford is the place for me, so I say eff the haters. haha. I think people also tend to forget my accomplishments because of my demeanor. I’ll admit that I don’t study as hard as some of my classmates, I hardly take notes in class, etc. But I always end up with straight A’s at the end of semester, I’m in the top 1.5% of my gigantic graduating class, and I do what I love to do in and out of school. I’m very passionate about a few particular subjects and extracurriculars, and I know I deserved to get in where I did. I once read someone’s post on CC and it really stuck with me. No idea what thread it was from, but he said, “People will dismiss your accomplishments; dismiss them.” Very apropos.</p>

<p>There’s a lot of bitterness from people from my school when a hooked applicant ( URM/ athlete/ legacy) get in. Mainly its URM, because an athlete actually has a talent and demonstrates hard work, while URMs just get a race advantage. I’m not saying that URMs aren’t deserving, its just that there’s still a LOT of animosity at my school when a URM with extremely low stats and GPA gets in over the perfect valedictorian.</p>

<p>we must also all remember that the bitterness is more-or-less part of the application process. When people don’t get into their dream school, they search for justifications as to why. And whether fairly or unfairly, they project their anger at the people who DID get in. This so-called “defense mechanism” is completely understandable.</p>

<p>But, to the haters at my school, and all haters everywhere-</p>

<p>All ll I can say to this is that I’m (we’re) not on the admissions committee. I didn’t decide to reject you. In fact, I did nothing to hinder your chances of getting in. This year, there were 32,022 applicants to Stanford. You really think that if there had been 32,021 your chances would have been any better? Look, we’re all trying to achieve success and happiness for ourselves, and I think it’s wrong to want to take that away from someone. I would never wish for someone NOT to get into their dream school, even if it was someone I didn’t like. I hope everyone achieves happiness and fulfillment in life, but don’t try to take it away from others!!!</p>