Co-ed bathroom in dorms - am I crazy and how can I find out details from schools on our list?

The new dorm at Rowan in Nj was designed to be co-ed, so there is more privacy provided since it was built with that in mind. Each shower has a locking door and a separate area where you can change after/before showering. Still, my son wasn’t a fan. He stayed there for orientation and didn’t shower!! Luckily it was only 1 night! He ended up getting an older dorm that is single gender suites and he’s more comfortable with that, although i’m Sure he would have adjusted if he had the new dorm. After record breaking September heat, he probably wishes he was in the new dorm with AC!

I’m not sure how common it is, but I believe that this is something that needs to be sorted out BEFORE the kids choose their dorms and not after everyone has moved in. That way, the kids have a say in their preferences. A majority-rules vote could mean that 26 out of 50 kids on the floor want one thing, which means that a substantial majority are not OK with it. And the flip side is that if you have an “all or nothing” vote that 48 kids who want one thing then must go along with two who don’t. Neither way is particularly fair.

Even back in the 1980s, there were coed bathrooms.

I remember that the coed dorms commonly had coed floors with the option to select a single gender floor. It was disclosed beforehand that the coed floors had coed bathrooms (presumably because the dorms were built with one bathroom per floor before they were coed). Most students chose coed anyway.

However, it seems that the more recent trend in new dorm construction is suite dorms, where a single gender suite has its own bathroom. Gang bathrooms seem to be less preferred, regardless of whether they are coed or single gender.

Single user bathrooms are probably generally preferred by students over gang bathrooms (but how common is it to have a non-suite dorm with single user bathrooms?). There is also no reason to make them gendered, since those who have concerns about sharing a gang bathroom with those of the other (or same) gender will not encounter that with single user bathrooms.

I must say that I do think that shower enclosures of the type that have a small exterior dressing area ought to have a solid exterior door that actually closes. The kind one finds on a toilet stall is fine. No one who wants privacy is going to feel comfortable where there is only the typical skimpy shower curtain blowing around.

My campus has renovated all of the bathrooms in my current building to this style. The floor I live on has four bathrooms with showers, one bathroom without a shower, and two extra sinks. Presumably the other side of the floor has the same, and then doubled again for the other wing of the building.

It’s funny because my family has the opposite opinion!

Both my husband and I lived in dorms with coed bathrooms back in the late 1980’s, early 1990’s. And our son somewhat preferred co-ed bathrooms on our tours, and strongly preferred co-ed dorms and floors, because they allow more opportunities for daily interactions and conversations to start naturally with people of another gender. After seeing a school that had all single sex bathrooms and even a number of single sex dorms, he commented, “I prefer schools where people are not separated by gender.” Based on the references to gender neutrality and preferred pronoun choices at many schools we toured, he added, “At some of my other schools, nobody even knows what gender you are!”

You get used to a coed bathroom quickly. People don’t walk around naked (except maybe at WestCo at Wesleyan, but students select that dorm knowingly). There are private stalls for both showers and toilets, usually with changing areas for the showers, so you don’t see any genitalia, just someone walking past in a bathrobe. It does not feel at all weird (to me, at least) to see someone in a bathrobe or brushing their teeth.

But if you have a conservative religious or cultural background, you can find many schools that have single sex bathrooms. Look at the residential life section of each college’s website. Also, most colleges will accommodate a special need. Colleges today strive to be culturally sensitive!

In terms of sorting this out ahead of time, if this is a deal breaker for someone then they’re probably better off at a school with only one style of dorm floor plan, or a big school that allows you more input on housing selection. At my D’s LAC, freshman can indicate some preferences but there are no guarantees, and after freshman year it is a lottery based system, so sophomores are the least likely to get what they want. And the dorms vary in age and degree to which they’ve been renovated and floor plan. But I also agree with those who say that students are adaptable and this is more of an issue for the parents than the students.

“At some of my other schools, nobody even knows what gender you are!”

Exactly. Which brings up the fact of transgender and other non-binary identifying folks. They need bathroom access, too. Easier to just make them gender neutral.

As far as only having a towel on, it’s still more coverage than you’d see on a beach.

Another, this has been going on a long, long time. All the bathrooms were coed where I went to school back in 1974. I don’t think any of them had urinals. (I lived in the part that had been a women’s college and then later into suites with private bathrooms.) As long as there are doors on the toilets and curtains or doors on the showers I don’t consider it a big deal.

At points, my kids lived with coed bathrooms, none in the larger, multi-person style. These had bathroom door locks and all the kids were mindful that they couldn’t hog their time in there.

For some kids, the first issue is really coed floors. And for some even showering when the same gender is present is an issue. Agree, you think about it, inquire, then decide. Frankly, guys wear less than a towel when at the pool.

The single user restrooms seem to be an easy way to update older dorms to accommodate ADA and transgender students that would not be able to fit a suite style floor plan. I’m not keen on the suite style for my son because cleaning usually falls to residents and I figure the toilet won’t be cleaned but once a year. So I’m always interested in which dorms have community facilities which are cleaned daily by professionals. I don’t think OSU is the first place I saw them five or six years ago, but I can’t recall which campus visit it was. https://www.thelantern.com/2014/01/ohio-state-adding-gender-neutral-bathrooms-dorm-option/

We had no co-ed bathrooms when I was in college, but I was at a Catholic university. We had co-ed dorms, but only by floor so if you were the opposite sex visiting someone, you had to go either up or down a floor to find the right bathroom.

This never came up during our college visits and I wouldn’t even have thought to question it as I didn’t even realize it was a thing. I guess I assumed that even in dorms where guys live next to girls that they would still either have bathrooms inside their dorm rooms or have separate bathrooms on the floor, depending on gender. Interestingly, i was just talking with a friend whose son goes to Loyola MD and she told me she was surprised that 1) the floors were co-ed by room in her son’s dorm and 2) the bathrooms were also co-ed, however, the showers were separate and had a locked door. IOW, when you entered the bathroom, there were sinks, but then there were two showers/toilets that were off the room with the sinks, but each shower/toilet had its own entry with a locked door. I was surprised that a Catholic school would have co-ed floors, but it wouldn’t bother me, nor would that sort of bathroom set up.

However, in the bathroom described by the OP, I would definitely be uncomfortable. I’m not conservative at all, but I am modest. It would take me some getting used to to shower in the same room with guys for sure, but OTOH, I would only be comfortable doing so if the showers actually had doors not curtains. Curtains do not always provide adequate privacy for modest people like me!

My freshman D has a private bathroom - it’s inside her dorm room that is shared just by her roommates. I’m not sure how the other dorms work. I don’t think there are co-ed bathrooms b/c most dorms, the rooms either have their own bathroom, are suite-style w/own bath, or they are single sex by floor so hall baths are not co-ed. I could be wrong, but I think that’s what I remember when D was choosing her dorm.

D’s dorm had at least one of those last year, in addition to larger gendered ones. it was a brand new dorm so that may be why.

She’s also had co-ed larger ones.

S’ dorm had halls for men or women with a gendered bathroom on each.

Why should bathrooms be a deal breaker for you? Your daughter is the one going to college. She is soon going to be an adult. Let her worry about the bathroom set up. I suspect that for 99% of kids, the bathroom arrangements are the lowest priority on their list.

Or students may not be comfortable stating that they would prefer single sex bathrooms. In a similar way that many students may really prefer not to have overnight guests of the other gender staying in their dorm room, but are not comfortable saying that to their roommate. For some, it is a non-issue. For others, it is. And no, it doesn’t necessarily have to do with sex.

When I was in college in the mid-1970s our all-female dorm often had male visitors who used the bathrooms, including showering. One gets used to it quickly.

Bathrooms in the Quad at the University of Pennsylvania were officially co-ed after midnight, with signage indicating the policy on every door, (apparently it was to much of a burden to walk to walk to the other end of the hall if one needed to use the facilities at night) as far back as the mid 70’s. Was a complete non-issue 40+ years ago.

“Or students may not be comfortable stating that they would prefer single sex bathrooms.”

Many of the schools I am familiar which are LACs have a blind voting policy at the very start of the school year. If even one person votes for single sex restrooms, that is what is implemented. Very few wind up going that route but even if a student is reticent to publicly voice their opposition, they don’t have to worry about it.

Some schools use a sign policy with a changeable indication. When you enter the bathroom, you can change the sign to indicate your preference while you are in there (assuming you got there first). For example, the usage of one letter E can be rotated to express E for everyone, W for Women, or M for Men depending on how you orient the letter. It allows for flexibility while respecting each individual’s preference. If your current preference isn’t available in an already occupied bathroom, you can go down the hall, to another floor, or wait a few minutes.

Most college students are kind, thoughtful people and operate accordingly.

I’m not a fan of coed bathrooms and neither are my kids.
Curious - do these coed bathrooms have urinals?