“t was NOT a bathroom set up for privacy, with just a few toilet stalls, showers with only a curtain, and sinks, all in the same area.”
This is why the coed bathroom discussion always turns into people talking past one another. Just like the suite-of-8 gang can’t envision a bathroom servicing 30, those who had bathrooms that allowed for privacy seem not to envision that there are certainly plenty of dorm bathrooms out there that don’t allow for privacy, don’t have anterooms for showers, have thin plastic curtains, etc.
Having said that, I’m sure the average 18 yo can get past this in a short time.
But the Smith bathroom wasn’t set up to be co-ed, it was intended to be women only. Therefore, no privacy as it is now being used by a group it was never intended to serve. Big square room with showers, toilets, sinks, and shelving on the 4 walls, all opening onto the center of the room. It was actually much less private than the bathrooms in my sorority house where men did not use them (we had one bathroom they could use in the guest area), but there were showers on one side and the toilets/sinks in another room.
I recently went to a sorority house that is fairly new. They have one bathroom for 21 residents and it was really lovely. Big room with mirrors and a counter, then off to one side was a row of showers with a rack of baskets for their toiletries, and off to the other side sinks and toilets. It was a modern design because it is a modern house. But no boys allowed upstairs.
“[OP], the more I read of your replies, the more I think a women’s college would be ideal for your daughter.” (#145)
I’m just wondering if the daughter’s concerns align with those of OP. OP, has your daughter voiced concerns about this issue?
FWIW, this is my personal experience: Lived in all-male dorms 4 years at a religiously-affiliated midwestern LAC. It often got quite rowdy and raunchy. I definitely would have preferred to have women living in the dorms.
Followed with 2 years of grad school at a large urban university overseas, living in a coed mostly undergrad dorm. Individual showers with doors, but we all brushed our teeth together. It was great. We all developed a real sense of community and respect. Our “college” (dorm) also had a cabin two hours away that was open to all students, but with no privacy whatsoever. When student groups visited on weekends–almost always coed–it was up to us to develop rules for respect. Never had a problem there.
Last year D was a first year student at a somewhat conservative religiously-affiliated LAC in the south. She lived in a coed dorm with M & F students from all 4 years. She was in a suite, 2 rooms of two girls each, with a shared bathroom in between. She really liked her dorm, though she said the upperclass-people didn’t interact with them much.
As for cleanliness, living in a house where I have been outnumbered by women for the past nineteen years, I still can’t get used to the amount of hair that turns up in the bathrooms, or when I vacuum. And I was admonished long ago to put the seat down. Or else.
At least the fog of hairspray and the fine gritty gloss it leaves behind on all the sinks is less of a problem now than it was in the '80s (heyday of big hair).
“I still can’t get used to the amount of hair that turns up in the bathrooms”
One of the first things they told the girls in D’s all-female dorm with community bathrooms was to bring your own drain cover to collect the hair in the shower, because last year they had to close some of the showers down for repairs due to excessive hair. I’m not surprised. We end up with a clogged shower drain every few months, but at least it’s an easy fix with just the one long-haired kid.
I asked hubby if he recalled any coed bathrooms, and he did. There was a clearly labelled gender-neutral bathroom in at least one building we were in. You will find that many LACS are very socially aware, so don’t be surprised if yiu find coed bathrooms all over the place.
My D’s dorm is set up BGBG up and down the hallway. There is a terrible girls shower and bathroom (I used it), and I assume there is the same for the guys. She hasn’t mentioned it once. And she is very modest and shy. Hers is only one of several dorms. As another poster said, do not rule out great colleges because of the coed issue.
and just to give you and your daughter a “heads up”… Regardless if your daughter is in a single sex or suite style dorm she WILL encounter other girls and (other people not necessarily identifying as female) with fluid gender identities and sexual orientations…
so I have a feeling you may need to prepare yourself for these non traditional presentations- it was always there but probably put in a closet so to speak in the old days…
Back in the day, Indiana University had an all-girls dorm, but it was the only one on the entire campus that I was aware of, short of a sorority house.
“I’m just wondering if the daughter’s concerns align with those of OP. OP, has your daughter voiced concerns about this issue?”
Yes, my daughter went to a two week camp on a college campus and had the experience of sharing space with the boys. She was less comfortable than she expected to be and thus began the conversation. Of course, as her mom, I have my opinions based on my personal experience and I am going to share those with her and they will help inform her decision. She has also talked with older girls that she knows who have gone off to college and come home and talked about their experience. Including one, her boyfriends sister, who attended at Wellesley and loved it. So, she is totally open to and leaning toward an all girls school. But it sounds like these may have considerable issues with privacy in the bathrooms too. She is a pretty self aware and social person who knows her own comfort level. She has been clear she does not want to share a bathroom with the opposite gender and I respect where she is coming from. Hope that helps clear up where my daughter stands.
and just to give you and your daughter a “heads up”… Regardless if your daughter is in a single sex or suite style dorm she WILL encounter other girls and (other people not necessarily identifying as female) with fluid gender identities and sexual orientations…
so I have a feeling you may need to prepare yourself for these non traditional presentations- it was always there but probably put in a closet so to speak in the old days…
Ok, that is an interesting twist. Well, my mother, my daughters grandmother came out as a lesbian about 30 years ago and now is wanting to identify herself as gender neutral. My mother is still married to a woman though… Since my mother has been a big part of my daughters entire life I doubt she would be too surprised by much at college. Oh and my D is currently sharing a locker room in high school with a transgender female, born male, who identifies as a lesbian because he is attracted to girls. I would have to say my daughter has had quite a bit of personal, including in our family, exposure to ‘non traditional presentation’. Seems like it would be pretty hard to shock kids these days. But thanks for the ‘heads up’. We sure do live in interesting times.
^ “because he is attracted to girls” shows a certain amount of non-acceptance of transgenderism. While among us middle-aged folks such slippage may be relatively common, for college kids getting the pronoun right is something to work on.
Give her a break. Looks like everyone was so quick to jump to the OP being Miss Priss. I have a friend whose d is transitioning to male and guess what, it’s going to be a while before I reflexively stop saying “how is she doing these days.”
"Therefore, no privacy as it is now being used by a group it was never intended to serve. Big square room with showers, toilets, sinks, and shelving on the 4 walls, all opening onto the center of the room. "
That describes all the bathrooms I ever had to use in college and what I recall of my kids’ bathrooms. I don’t ever remember any kind of anteroom for showering. You got in the shower and you reached out through a flimsy curtain and hung your stuff up, and you flashed your neighbor in the meantime. I don’t know where all these places are that have little changing areas and secure doors - I’ve not seen them.
Not knowing what pronouns that person prefers, I think to jump on the OP about her choice of pronouns seems out of place. The right to do that reverts to the person being addressed IMO.
My undergrad had shower stalls. They were like toilet stalls except instead of a toilet, you got a shower with a curtain in the back.
I don’t really care about privacy but it was nice to not have my shower stuff actually in the shower with me getting soaked. Instead, I left it on the bench just outside of the shower (in the stall).
My dorm had a front part with stalls and sinks (like you’d have a most public places, an office, Target, stadium). The showers were through a doorway past the stalls. You might not have even know someone was there if you were just going in to pee or wash your hands. There was an identical set up for the bathroom on the other side of the showers, for the other wing. The two bathrooms were sort of P shaped, with the showers on the leg, the two legs back to back so the showers were all a block in the center. My daughter’s dorm bathroom was similar. Walk in and there were two stalls with two sinks. Through a door, there were two showers and a small area to dry off. You could shut the door to the shower room for privacy. When you got out of the shower, you weren’t standing in front of the sink and toilets.
I think newer buildings are more likely to have the little changing areas/doors for showers with wall partitions, etc. at least that was my experience at my university. The mostly freshman dorms were two buildings (one for females, one for males), connected by a lobby and the showers were awesome. The rest of the dorms on campus (excluding suites and apartments) were older, co-ed by floor and had lousy showers with flimsy curtains between them. I lived on campus for 3 years and despised those showers the whole time, especially since the hooks for towels/robes were NOT within reach of the shower in any of the ones I saw. I usually showered in the middle of the day when no one was around.
