College Choices: Staying close to home

Parents Forum
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<p>We're from the midwest, in a far north suburb of Chicago--almost small-townish. My D is a member of a highly-ranked HS showchoir, and has had the opportunity to travel to competitions as far away as Tennessee & Florida, in addition to shorter jaunts to Iowa & Wisconsin. She has embraced these trips, meeting new kids and fortifying her position of applying & being admitted to schools in Massachusetts, North Carolina & Florida.</p>

<p>The irony of this situation is that quite a few former show choir members who did not go away to school, either attending community college locally or state schools, attend these high school competitions & hang out with the kids. I find this somewhat sad in that while I'm sure they're enjoying themselves, they apparently haven't immersed themselves in the 'college experience' that, at least to myself, was a vital part of who I am today.</p>

<p>As much as I would love my D to stay close next fall, I want her to take the next step in the personal maturation process. If that entails going away & seeing her only at breaks, parents' weekend and the summer, so be it.</p>

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<p>It is just so interesting that everyone here is smart, educated and caring yet sees the world differently. To many, the expectation is that the kids can have a wonderful life and career without going far from home. Others can not comprehend how it's possible to become a whole adult without major change.</p>

<p>I think this would make a fascinating study. Will those who assume their kids will stay near really do so? Will those kids who claim to being going away for a 4 year change ever really end up at home? Will those who stayed close to home join the army? I think many shocks await.</p>

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<p>My parents's truly counted on my promise, upon departing for college, that I would return. At the time I meant it. I was from New York City. Where else would I want to live and work? It was the best place on earth to me, a kid who had seen little else. I ended up loving my rural MA campus. Then I did an exchange program in Europe. I went home with a roomate to LA and fell in love. NY, huh?????</p>

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<p>zagat: "I think many shocks await." </p>

<p>Now, have truer words ever been spoken on CC? lol</p>

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<p>Well, Zag, that is an interesting concept. My D thinks our town is podunk city & can't wait to leave. I've already told her about the 'Midwest sensibilities' and how she might find out eventually that 'there's no place like home'. She counters with 'how am I going to know that unless I go away to find out?'</p>

<p>That's when the conversation fizzles out...</p>

86

<p>As longtime readers know, I'm a big exponent of the Go Elsewhere! school of thought. My D spent Fall break in NYC, has a house [dorm] trip to Montreal scheduled, and is planning to spend part of Spring break in Boston...this over and beyond living in a very different part of the country and becoming as much at home in her current habitat as the squirrels that scamper around the campus...the small furry ones, I mean.</p>

<p>TheMom and I just did a quick weekend trip up and back to San Francisco and--while enduring United Airlines and a flight delayed nearly as long as the flight itself, plus the disappearance of a piece of luggage for half an hour--I was thinking about the "distance" issue in relation to college. For all the complaints, even with airport shuttle buses and connecting flights one can get coast-to-coast in a day. Contrast earlier eras where distance was a multi-day train trip or when relocating, as with many of our not-too-distant-past ancestors, involved multi-week ship voyages or multi-month caravans across the prairies, mountains, and deserts, with prospects of "return" being remote. In that light, home-in-a-day looks pretty good.</p>

<p>I do think there is a value in learning to be self-reliant outside of one's initial comfort zone when one is young...it gives one many more viable options and some irreplaceable confidence later on. </p>

<p>Of course, I say this as someone who catches emotional self-snapshots of increasingly settling into a comfort zone <em>now</em>. And I'm ambivalent about just how much I maybe should swim against the current.</p>

87

<p>Well, we should all just celebrate that most of our children will use these years to see and meet the world. They will grow more quickly than they grew at any other stage. They will discover things they didn't know existed. These are the lucky ones. </p>

<p>As long as we don't expect them to have the same values, interests and priorities as they had before they left home, we'll be fine too. Hey, imagine the vacations!</p>

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<p>I go to a competitive private college in Boston, forty minutes from home. There are people from all over the world here, but also people from my hometown. (Amount of tuition we pay might as well make it be in Australia...) It's close enough for me to drive to during winter vacation every day to do my work-study job. I applied here early decision.</p>

<p>After at first being disappointed with not going far, I think that being close to home is a huge advantage and I really don't see myself going farther than New York, for instance. Furthermore, I'm lucky because a) I live in an area with many good schools b) this particular college is great for my "areas of interest" and c) I have lived in several very different countries and have already seen many interesting things. I have friends, however, who applied anywhere "but Massachusetts" so as to "see the world". OK, here's the deal: you're not going to "see the world" while surrounded by a lovely woody campus and hot dining room food on your plate. I feel like so many parents emphasize the "experience", but what exactly is it? What makes it only "viable" if it's lived far away? Nobody says you have to be a mama's baby if you stay close to home; but in my town, for example, some of my friends said things like "anything to get out of here". Well, news for them: it's not so terrible to grow up here. We are much more fortunate than so many people. Instead of focusing on "getting out of there", how about focusing on what you'll DO when you get out?</p>

<p>I am wondering whether this is a cultural notion, because I was born in another country where family ties seem to be much stronger. However, I still don't fully understand the fervent need to get as far as possible and REFUSING TO CONSIDER local schools JUST BECAUSE they are local. </p>

<p>Now, granted, I live in an urban area and wanted to be near a city. Understandably, if one is from the rural area, options are more limited, so location does play a factor. But I do agree with mamochka (my mom) that it's not as important as made out to be. I don't think that it shouldn't be CONSIDERED (I did), but I think I personally am at a very advantageous position. I'm close enough to establish my own lifestyle at college, have a good relationship with my family that I see on a regular basis, and am able to develop ties academically and professionally that I already have in the local arena. I don't think in any way that I'm missing out on some sort of 'experience' just because I wasn't thrown into a city I am unfamiliar with. </p>

<p>I think if you're looking to experience a different culture, that's where study abroad comes in. I'm very excited to go abroad because I want to develop my language skills and experience the culture of the area I'm studying, not because I need to "get away".</p>

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<p>My kids know that in-state is not an option.......Year after year I see the kids at the high school go to the instate U's along with their high school friends.....It's like a security blanket......I want my kids to branch out and meet kids from other parts of the country. (and world) and at an instate U. where only 4% are not from here that's not going to happen.</p>

90

<p>In many cases, staying close to home and state U's are not the same. Once again, I live in an area where there are many colleges, and I see this all the time. I agree with dke that state U's aren't that great. However, many people I know refuse to consider other fine universities that they could get into simply because they're local. I think that's silly and ends up costing much more than it should in terms of transportation fees, tuitions, moving things, etc.</p>

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<p>No Dig, I don't think it's a trend. It seems to be the normal pattern for the end of senior year as students get more realistic about long-term goals (i.e. grad school), money, and distance. At least, that's the pattern I've seen over the past few years. </p>

<p>I thought for sure that our D would end up as far away from home as she could get, but she surprised us and chose a univ only a couple of hours away. What surprises her whenever she's home is running into high achievers from her class who did not leave and chose to stay and work and go to the local jc. It really depends on each student's situation and all that goes into the decision once the first hurdle of getting accepted has been accomplished.</p>

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<p>Tufta08, you write well. It just shows there is no 100% way of doing things. If there were, things would be boring.</p>

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<p>Thanks, dstark - variety does make life interesting!</p>

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<p>Always the contrarian, I have to disagree with dke who stated, "I want my kids to branch out and meet kids from other parts of the country. (and world) and at an instate U. where only 4% are not from here that's not going to happen."</p>

<p>I do not think that geographical diversity means very much. I think that state universities can offer much more diversity than many if not most, private colleges. Yes, most will be from in-state. But they will be from the cities, burbs and rural areas. They will be from every minority group imaginable. They will be from every economic class, although the students from upper class families will be a teeny-tiny minority. There is likely to be far more differences between two students from Brooklyn and Canton, NY than between two students from Aspen, Co and Swarthmore, Pa.</p>

<p>One of the complaints I have heard students voice is about the homogenity of the student bodies at many private colleges, particularly LAC's. That was the primary reason one of my son's friends is transferring to the state U next year.</p>

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<p>This seems to be one of those debates where (a) no one's mind will be changed and (b) there are good arguments on both sides. I appreciate tufta08's post as s/he is one of the few speaking from the student's perspective. I am always for honoring the student's choice in these matters, but also honestly speaking one's mind as a parent so that the choice can be well-informed. </p>

<p>Also, some depends on what the student does with summers, study abroad during college, graduate school/career, etc. If they go abroad for a year and they live across the country during the summers for their jobs/college-related activities, I think that almost as much can be accomplished toward the purpose of experiencing different environments (which I do think is a good thing) as if another student goes away during the academic year but comes home to roost every summer. But--I don't expect to convince thedad or mini or anyone else who holds tight to their own viewpoint, nor do I expect them to convince me. And that's all I have to say about that. (apologies to my friend Forrest Gump)</p>

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<p>I'm so glad to see this thread. DD, a junior, is looking at schools that are in the south and west. We live in New England. We have told her she MUST apply to one school within a three hour drive of here...just in case she gets cold feet and decides in April that she does NOT want to go far from home!! In addition, the faraway schools are within an hour drive of a relative or close family friend.</p>

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<p>Thump that's exactly what we did. D did NOT want State U., though a highly regarded institution, for reasons stated above. But we made her visit and apply, as well visiting & applying to a private school about the same distance from home, about 4 hours by car.</p>

<p>Presently her #1 choice admission is 1500 miles away, but we've got these two schools as backups just in case those cold feet emerge.</p>

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<p>Zagat: "Imagine the vacations." </p>

<p>This is how I've made peace with the probablity that D will probably seek a career centered somewhere in the Boston/NYC/DC arc. </p>

<p>Would I like to have her closer to home? Of course.</p>

<p>Would I like for her to be doing what she wants to do? Even more so.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
This seems to be one of those debates where (a) no one's mind will be changed and (b) there are good arguments on both sides.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I think you are right on here! </p>

<p>I know this has been mentioned, but just to reiterate:
some of us live in areas where there are no good fits within either the state or the surrounding areas. The schools in our region are either lacking the academic program S wants, the sport he wants or both. A few of the schools he is interested in are within a couple hours of extended family (northern CA, WA--both eastern and western, NY...). For this particular son, I think this will be a comfort to him as he is not a natural born adventurer or risk-taker (be it good or bad!). I feel my job is to help him make the best choice, regardless of "where". If we still lived in Seattle I'd of course encourage local schools in addition to other places.</p>

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<p>Of course, you're totally correct - nobody's mind will be changed. Nevertheless, I think this is an interesting conversation. I've thought about it a lot, thinking of my own and some of my friends' experiences. </p>

<p>This is a bit off topic, but I do want to add something that could, perhaps, add another level of perspective when considering staying home or going far away. </p>

<p>As I said, I'm a freshman at a prestigious university in Boston, which is close to home. So, comfort with the city and surroundings in general was not an issue when I was going in. I was under the impression, however, that the transition would be much easier than it actually was. Despite the fact that the school was close to home, I still had somewhat of a hard time becoming adjusted to college life, dynamics, and "pace". I came home after the first semester feeling disappointed that it did not go easier given my familiarity with the area. </p>

<p>A lot of people think - romantically - that it's all about the "adventure". I would caution those who think that staying close to home is not an "adventure". It still is. It's still a big adjustment, and it comes with many stigmas and expectations about a certain "experience" which no one ever really clarifies. It's new people, new methods of teaching, new expectations, and, (unfortunately for some who choose to abuse them) new freedoms. However, I realize that in the process of adjusting, staying close to home helped me out. It wasn't a "going nowhere" or "too afraid" or "fall-back" situation. I just understand that had I gone somewhere half across the country, in addition to the problems I already had, I would have felt worse. I see this a lot in some of my college acquaintances who are from far away. In that sense, I have a large advantage over them. I don't see myself going to school elsewhere given my interests and plans. </p>

<p>I guess I'm talking from a specific perspective, because, as I said I live in an area where there are many, many options and many great schools, so it seems almost ridiculous to NOT consider some of them. For those who do not have so many choices in their home state, the situation is different.</p>