<p>So my mother (DS grandmother) and my wife are really pushing for my S to stay local.<br>
He has narrowed down his choices to 5 schools. 4 local (MA) (3 within 45 min and 1 within 2 1/2 hours away). and 1 in FL
I personally think he will benefit more from getting away and heading to FL.<br>
He has struggled with organization issues and this is their primary concern.
I say cut the cord and see what happens. Living in college is not really the real world and probably a good plus for him to start getting more independence.
He is a very bright, caring kid but lacks in the street smarts category</p>
<p>I do have a financial concern with getting him home and back. But, we have very close friends an hour away from the FL campus so he would likely go there for Thanksgiving and other long weekend holidays. </p>
<p>My S can be influenced by those he trusts around him (me, his mom, my mom). My wife and I will be discussing between us and with him this weekend. I am worried that they will influence his thoughts.
My take is to be honest with him about our concerns (my wife’s) - talk about each schools program - positives and negatives - and $$</p>
<p>I think it is important to be realistic with $$ (although we probably won’t have all the packages for another week) and to be a sounding board for him but try not to push him one way or another. </p>
<p>The best ranked schools are the ones close to home but I honestly think for what he wants to do the FL school has the best program for him. </p>
<p>I went to school 45 minutes from my home, and I NEVER went home. When I did, I’d go right back to school because it was only 45 minutes away. I went home on Thanksgiving and went back to school on Friday! Christmas? Okay, I had to because the dorms/sorority house were closed, but not for spring break, not for weekends. If my family came to visit, well, it was easy for them to go home too! Day visits only.</p>
<p>The trick you may have is to keep Mom and MIL from stopping in too often, or maybe son will call for help with laundry, but really I think you’ll find after a semester that it won’t matter if he goes to school 45 minutes away or in Fl, he just won’t be around much.</p>
<p>My experience with D 10 min from home is the same as @twoinanddone 's. Because she is so close, we never see her for more than a few minutes. She pops in to get whatever she needs and heads back out. Unless the dorms are closed, she does not stay the night (well, not since freshman year, but there was a drunken roommate she didn’t want to care for when she stumbled in). She moves into an apartment next month and I’ll stop treating the old room like hers because there will be no reason for her ever to stay.</p>
<p>FWIW, though, d picked the closest school on her own. There was actually slightly more pressure on her to go away. You’re right not to want your S influenced, but if he decides, on his own, to be nearby, it really doesn’t mean you’ll see a whole lot of him.</p>
<p>If this is the real concern, then this will be a problem (or a non-problem) whether he goes to a school 10 minutes away or a school 6 hours away. What are your mother and wife planning on doing about it at a nearby school that they couldn’t do at a school further way? Go to the campus all the time to make sure he’s doing his work and going to class? Surely not.</p>
<p>Let him make the decision, regardless of distance from home (except with the caveat that if he goes to the school further away he may not be able to come home except for long breaks because of travel costs). Take into other factors, like cost, what he wants to study, area around campus, size of the school, etc. Even if he goes to school 45 minutes away, he could never come home except on breaks. If he doesn’t have a car, he probably won’t come home very often at all because it would be a bit of a hassle. Relatively nearby does not necessarily mean that he’ll be home every weekend or that you’ll see him all the time. He can be just as independent 45 minutes away as he can be in Florida. It all just depends on him.</p>
<p>Let your DS make the decision. My DS (college junior) had a choice of going a plane ride away or colleges closer to home (3-4 hours). When he visited the college a plane ride away he commented on how far away it was. I told him that time-wise it was about the same as the driving time, but ultimately he chose the 3 hour college. He’s a homebody and likes his down time at home. He’s come home for every break until this spring (he’s on a study abroad so he didn’t come home). Visit and let your DS know it’s his decision.</p>
<p>When my DD started looking at schools I thought a 2 hour radius was far enough, yet close enough. She looked at several schools and nothing seemed right. So we expanded the radius, 3 hours, then 6 hours, then she found her ideal school and she has to fly there! We all agree that she has found the right school for her. </p>
<p>Have you visited all the schools? My DD knew the minute she stepped onto the campus that this is where she wants to be. </p>
<p>Visit, see videos, talk to students, faculty, guidance counselor. Find the best fit, I think distance becomes irrelevant once they are there.</p>
<p>We have visited all the schools. Actually this is how we narrowed down were he was going to apply. Well we have narrowed it down to 3 schools, I think (needs to sleep on it) the school in FL is still on the list.<br>
We will likely go to the admitted students day of the schools around here. The one in FL actually has a regional admitted students day here in MA. We won’t get to do the classes and such but will still go.<br>
Probably be a few weeks before he decides. </p>
<p>For those of you that have kids that are not driving distance. How hard is it (on the kids and parents) to not have them home for Thanksgiving and other. Also how difficult is it to deal with Dr appointments and such with them away. My insurance is a HMO so he is fine for emergencies while he is there but not other stuff. I assume we just book that stuff in the summer. </p>
<p>My D has flown home from NYC for Thanksgiving and long breaks. It’s crazy expensive to fly them that weekend and she announced this year it is not worth the hassle of flying at the holidays. Her school has a four day break earlier in November for election day and we agreed that next year, she will likely come home that weekend instead. It will be cheaper and the airport won’t be such a zoo. Thanksgiving is just a day- we can do that day earlier in the month. </p>
<p>As far as health care, the colleges have health services on campus and <em>may</em> require you to buy the student health insurance if your insurance won’t cover them where they are. This was the case for BarnardGirl and it has turned out to be a good thing. She had a major medical issue last Spring term which has required numerous trips to a neuro-ophthalmologist for ongoing care. The school insurance has served us well. </p>
<p>I too dropped son from my insurance plan and shifted him to college plan. I don’t think he had any reason to see a specialist outside their medical center. I scheduled dental appointments over winter break.</p>
<p>After a year or so, he was invited to student’s homes for holidays and long weekends. </p>
<p>I’m pretty familiar with FL colleges, if you chose to post the name.</p>
<p>We had one kid who went to college a two hour drive from home. We had another who went 3000 miles away. We saw the kid who went 3000 miles away more at home than the one who was 2 hours away.</p>
<p>D is a 3.5 hr nonstop away with a convenient bus to campus. It is great. She has not come home for Thanksgiving as flights are expensive for the short break but has gone home with friends. She is staying over the summer. She is easily within striking distance if need be (closer than a drive across the state) but has her own place and independence. It is a good balance. I figure that the whole point is that they grown up and make a life for themselves. I think it’s almost easier to not see them when they are actually away than to not see them when they are a 45 minute drive.</p>
<p>I went to college about a 30 minute subway ride away. My mother would call every once in a while to the fraternity to see if I was still alive! Didn’t exactly go home very often.</p>
<p>My DS went to a college about 160 miles away and my DD on the opposite coast. We’d see each of them about the same. </p>
<p>College is about making new friends, learning and becoming independent. I miss my kids but I smile when I see what kind of adults they have become.</p>
<p>My kids both went to school at a 5.5 plane ride away. We saw them for Christmas and summer breaks (at least for a week or two). D also attended CC locally while I drove her to & from school for 3 semesters. It was more like extended HS, but would have been fine if she were dorming or living away from home. </p>
<p>I agree that the organizational issues need to be worked on now, so your S can be more successful where ever he ends up, as it is a KEY skill for success in college. Perhaps a counselor at the HS could recommend a coach or other resources to help your S with this skill.</p>
<p>My west coast cousin’s daughter is attending college on the east coast. Last Thanksgiving (her daughter’s a sophomore), my cousin and her younger daughter came to the east coast to celebrate with her daughter and the extended family. It was great seeing her again.</p>