<p>Berurah:
A big problem with the college application essay is that it is very unlike the 5 paragraph expository essay beloved of high school teachers (and quite a few college profs). Some high school teachers spend time helping their students by assigning essays on commonly encountered topics; others don't. Often, very good, articulate students don't have a clue as to what makes an effective application essay. They fret that they don't have extraordinary experiences or achievements to recount. They are used to quoting others in support of their arguments instead of using their own voices.
They want to impress adcoms with their college-readiness by using big words. </p>
<p>I hope your S found my critique helpful as he wrote different essays. That's really the point of commenting on essays in college. It's not designed to help a student rewrite a paper that has already been graded, but to point out ways in which the paper could be improved. By providing copious comments, profs hope that future papers will be better researched, better organized, better written.</p>
<p>Best of luck to your S.</p>