College Essay Help

College Essays
1

So I’m a good writer. Nominated in communicative arts, won AP language awards, etc. So I’m really hoping to strive on my college essay to make up for the other areas that I somewhat lack in. I have several ideas to write about on the essay and I’d like to know what you all think would do best with the admissions people, colleges, etc…

  1. My mom has had several concerning health issues throughout my life. Several strokes in the past five years and most recently a life changing ordeal from a blood clot that included them removing 80% of her intestines. Some more background- I was supposed to be driving with her to see my brother at Navy School. We had an argument. She went alone, but obviously did not make it all the way... I could write on some of this guilt I feel for that. I also have to act as her caretaker when she recovers and finally gets to come home. She will need help eating, going to the restroom, etc. I enrolled in college classes instead of typical classes so I would have the spare time to do so. The doctors did tell me I was going to lose my mom, so I do have a lot of feelings on this subject but I do not want admissions to view this as a "sob story"
  2. I'm extremely devoted to hunger relief. My dad being a chef, I was raised to embrace farm to table lifestyle and have always had a garden in my backyard. In recent years I have been most involved in two non-profits that provide low-income students with meals during the school year and throughout the summer. I was wondering if this would be a good subject to write on (to brag on my community involvement, speak on a personal passion, etc) I can also take this one step further as now that my family is on welfare, I am one of the students I used to provide for. So, I'd like to preach the "you never know when you'll be the one who needs help" message.
  3. I started a non-profit organization in my community to assist women in a drug rehabilitation program to get their GED. I tutor them late nights on two school nights a week. It is usually pretty tiring but I am grateful for my education so I like the opportunity to give these women the same appreciation towards higher education as I have. (Can personalize this to each university: "...as I strive to receive higher education at ____ College...". I can also express what I have learned from these strong women, as well as expressing my opinion on social stigma on "felons" and the harsh realities of America's not-so-comfortable justice system.
  4. I am a self-labeled feminist. If I wrote on this subject, i.e the day I realized I was a feminist, the struggle of being one in today's generation, my take on the harsh backlash against the word, would this be too risque to college admissions? Would this be seen as TOO liberal?
  5. I live in a small, conservative town in the heart of the Bible Belt. I am the only outspoken liberal in my school and I was thinking writing on this may display my HEAVY passion in politics. Is this too risky to reveal my political views or is it just personal enough? I would also like to speak about how I used to be ashamed of my views and was very soft spoken, but I grew courage to begin to speak up on what I believed to be right and eventually became President of my school's Student Council and National Honor Society. I can begin this whole story with my LEGENDARY presentation of defending Planned Parenthood to my conservative class.

If you could rank these ideas in what you would deem my best shot to my worst with some explanation why, it would be much appreciated!!

2

all of them are equally excellent in my opinion but number 3 really stands out to me.

3

misspresident - I am going to take a shot at this, but please know I am a parent of a rising junior and no expert on the admissions process from the outside or the inside. No hard feelings at all if this isn’t of value.

I am going to come from a place that says, as you’ve probably heard, “don’t tell them, show them.” You’ve got rich contributions here to “show them” your passion, and I am not sure you need to limit yourself to one topic as long as you are OK with letting go a bit of the “tell them” takeaways you attach to each one. By “tell them” takeaways I guess I mean telling the AO “you never know when you’ll be the one” (end of #2), giving women same appreciation of higher education you have (end of #3), the self-labeled feminism (#4), and heavy passion in politics (#5). I don’t think you need to go to any great lengths to tell them any of that - just show them.

So, instead of putting each experience in a silo with a different takeaway for each, how about a little looser, general connection and then draw in several of your experiences - rather than just one - as “show them” examples. What if instead of one experience with one theme, you build your essay around the theme of your passion of empowering women and families in need. Then use some or all of your life experiences as examples: a paragraph on your efforts to empower low-income students/families by your non-profit nutrition/meal work; a paragraph on empowering women in drug rehab through your GED/education work; a paragraph on your passionate belief in empowering women to make good health choices for themselves citing your Planned Parenthood presentation; and a final paragraph on the personal sacrifices you are making to empower (probably) the most important woman in your life, your mom, in a time of difficulty - which might be a highly personal, and therefore powerful, way to end the essay.

You won’t need the feminism piece then - this combo would, I think, “show them” your feminism in action.

I don’t know if a paragraph on each as suggested above is length prohibitive - if so, maybe cut one example or reduce each from a full paragraph to fewer sentences.

It could well be a tighter narrative around only one experience is better and deeper, and those who know better than I will confirm as much. In any event, you have a very compelling, very deep, very passionate, and very personal set of contributions you’ve made as a young adult. All are impressive, all are worthy, and my hat is off to you.

4

It’s pretty simple: you should use whichever one has the best, most interesting, most memorable story.

What I would do is write all of these *as stories/i, and then spend some time evaluating their effectiveness as narratives. Once I’ve settled on one superior story, I’d spend a lot of time revising and sculpting, probably going from 900~ words to a taut 600-650.

Hope this helps, @misspresident

5

@misspresident I think all could be good topics, but I just wanted to caution you on one thing.
If you claim a started a non-profit (your point 3), make sure that it is actually an incorporated organization (either with a state, federally as a 501©(3), a private foundation or a public charity, etc.). Also, how many women roughly come to your center? When you fill this info in on the Common App or if you decide to write it in your essay, I think colleges appreciate it if you can provide quantifiable characteristics. Just wanted to share some advice that’s been shared with me! Good luck, you seem like an awesome applicant!

6

As has been mentioned before, the best essay is the one where you can shine the most, and the one you feel most energized about- it will show when the admissions officers read it.

One piece of advice: You never know who will be reading your essay. While I completely admire your feminism and liberal politics, you just might get an AO who is ultra-conservative reading your essay. You always want to be careful with the subject of politics because it might offend someone.

7

I’m quite certain that feminism is a perfectly acceptable topic at all top-30 schools (at the very least).

8

I second the suggestion of JMS111. Find a thread that runs through a number of your activist activities. To do this, identify the core quality that motivates you to do so much. Make that the heart of your essay. Then arrange the activities so that they tell the story of the development of that quality.

Two tips. Do NOT use capital letters in your essay. And avoid any form of self-congratulation. In this context, modesty and humility rule.

Hope this is helpful.