College essay on personal topic

<p>So i wrote a college essay for a competitive school (vassar) that reveals a lot of my personal life. I start the essay off sayimg how much ive given others chances, then talk for about a paragraph about how i was abused/my mother and sister attempted suicide/i was disowned from family bc my parents plotted against me/i had nowhere to go or live at one point/etc. Then i talk about how those things made me who i am and how i gave people another chance (myself included).
I spent the next paragraph or so talkig about how i founded 2 charity groups in my school in response to this-- mental health awareness group being the primary one.
In the end of the essay, i spoke about how i feel as though im the right fit for the school even if my grades dont necessarily show it and how i deserve a chance to accomplish and fulfill all i can for this world and the best place for me to do it is a vassar.</p>

<p>So is this too much of a sap story? Will it work against me instead of for me?</p>

<p>If anyone wants to read it and gove advice, post me your email.</p>

<p>For the record, i plan to ED vassar and my gpa is about 94% (maybe more), my sats are good, i have a lot of leadership positions, etc</p>

<p>Sorry if my typing is not too great. Using my ipod.</p>