I’m going for rolling, but I’m completely fried in the brain for no good reason. Like what is it that colleges are looking for in a essay?
This is a very big question with a long, involved answer, but I’ll give you the short version.
Admissions Committees (AdComs) want essays that are engaging and interesting, but most importantly, that tell a good story about who you are as a person. There’s no need to write about dry, boring topics like grades or academic performance. A good essay shouldn’t make proclamations, “I’m so great because…” or “I’m such a qualified applicant because…” The story should speak for itself.
Let me give you a hypothetical scenario. Tomorrow you’ll be speaking in front of an audience of a thousand people. You’ll speak three different times, along with fifty other high school students. Whoever tells the most riveting autobiographical story wins a million dollars.
How do we define riveting? The stories can be funny, sad, enlightening, frustrating, triumphant, tragic, or all of the above. They must elicit a genuine reaction from the crowd while also revealing something about you. The audience will vote on whose story is best, meaning which one they connected with the most.
Think about it. What three stories would you tell? Jot down the first three that pop into your head. Chances are these stories involve change, some kind of transformation you went through. It could have happened in a day or over many years, but this is the kind of change that’s interesting to AdComs.
Hope this helps! Send me a message if you’d like further advice.
You should absolutely NOT do what @CandyShop777 suggested above. An essay is supposed to be personal- only you can know what to write about, and to have someone write your essay for you is a terrible idea (and will most definitely not be “perfect”).
Besides that, I agree with @WiseApp . What’s the story only YOU can tell? My advice would be to sit down and freewrite- choose one of the Commonapp Prompts (or more specific supplements, if that helps you get started and inspired) and just sit down for 30 minutes or so and let your thoughts flow.
If you want some more inspiration, check this out:
http://www.■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■/uploads/1/0/9/5/109505679/hack_the_college_essay_2017.pdf
Best of luck.
I’d connect temporariness better to the thesis statement. As it currently stands, the connection is kinda there, but it’s between fiction and reality, which is a tad jarring. Consider an example or 2 from real life where people may have tried to convince you that happily ever after is the case. If it doesn’t work, then you can try http://a4essay.com/