<p>What is your experience with giving your college student money for groceries such as $300 a month and having them be responsible for their shopping and budgeting of that $300. Does it work or do you accompany them to the store so they don't blow the money on other things? We have given our daughter the money but she ends up with no money and no food before the month is over. We then have to give her more money so she don't starve. Please share your experience as I think there may be a better way than what I am doing.Thanks so much.</p>
<p>I would think you’d want to ask this in the Parent Forum, not College Life. </p>
<p>FWIW, if I gave my adult child $300 for food and they blew it, I’d let them starve. They’ll only make that mistake once. But if I thought they would blow it, there’s no way I’d give them money in the first place. </p>
<p>Almost all college students I know pay for their own groceries.</p>
<p>We give $200 a month for groceries and other supplies and D pays for anything over that amount. This will be her second year of off campus apartment living. (Obviously, if there’s an emergency, like the car needing repair, we would cover that as well. But an “emergency” such as being out of eyeliner is Not My Problem.)</p>
<p>She’s recently become a fan of stores like Whole Foods and Trader Joes, so she’s learning about budgeting first hand.</p>
<p>I’m new and didn’t realize to post in parent forum. I’ll do that also. : ) thanks for advice. There are 2 of them and we pay all room and boat and car insurance and phone and they get $150 each for gas or whatever plus they get 2 shopping trips to the store every month. Those trips are $150-300 totaling both of their food and misc. they live in a rental house. They go to school 12 hours a semester and one of them works parttime but that money is hers to use however she wants. They had. Problem stealing from my purse (stepmom) when they lived and home and also about $100 from their 3 little sisters. They are suppose to be learning about life but I believe my husband plan is going to backfire. Input is important and so appreciated.</p>
<p>Board, not boat</p>
<p>If they’ve had problems stealing money from you or other family members, that shows a serious disregard for money and a lack of appreciation or respect for you. If you’re already covering the big expenses (like rent and tuition), I’d have them work for their own expenses (including groceries and any discretionary spending). If they are only doing 12 credit hours a semester, they should have plenty of free time to pick up a part time job. It’s better for them to learn how to budget now than when they are on their own and have to come to you when they blow their paycheck on something unnecessary and now have no money for rent or food.</p>
<p>As long as you are sure the food budget is adequate, you need to cut it off after they run out of supplies. You can lay in a case of raman for them to eat for the rest of the month. They will learn very quickly, since they are learning nothing now.</p>
<p>Ideally they should be doing their own shopping, but it seems they may not be trustworthy enough to give cash to.</p>
<p>I hope there were some serious repercussions for stealing. You should reduce the monthly overall budget so some is set aside each month until the money is paid back. Let them eat ramen or whatever other cheap sustenance canned food you want to give them for backup.</p>
<p>I don’t know what plan your husband has, it isn’t apparent at all. No one is learning to take care of themselves or budget.
And, at only 12 credit hours they should both be working and paying part of their expenses.</p>
<p>My husband’s view on it is that they were punished by being kicked out of the house. I think he feels guilt over that. They never paid the money back but instead he paid it back and told the little sisters it was from their big stepsisters. His plan is for them to go to college. One of them hasn’t worked in over a year and he says he can’t make Her work. It is very difficult to see them not having the bar raised to an age appropriate level. I too worry that time is passing quickly and they are not learning valuable budgeting lessons or made accountable for their lack of respecting money. They are 19 and 21 and 1/2. I wish I could do something to help them. By help, I mean teach them through real life experience. My husband says he knows plenty of people that had everything paid in college and they are successful adults.
It’s not a pleasant topic in our house.</p>
<p>$300 a month? For groceries?!</p>
<p>I’ve spent this summer living away from home in an on-campus work situation. I can’t think of a month where I’ve spent more than sixty dollars on groceries. $300 is just plain excessive.</p>
<p>We have 2 college students. they live in a rental house. they get 150 each in cash plus they go with their dad to grocery store or walmart for food and misc. twice a month. Each trip $150-300. They carry 12 hours at a community college.
I’m very concerned they are not learning how to be adults. I’m the stepmom. Their dad likes the plan he has them on even though they run out of their $150 sometimes and ask for gas money.</p>
<p>I’m hoping if he hears what other students and parents have to say in this forum, we can agree there might be a better way.</p>
<p>I’d be interested to know what sorts of foodstuffs these people are buying when their parents foot the bill like that. Like I said, I did my own shopping this summer, and I didn’t eat poorly (I’m a college athlete so I made sure I covered all my macros and whatnot). I can’t fathom spending that sort of money on groceries.</p>
<p>The dad is at the store with them. They buy: bacon, sausage, biscuits, steaks, salmon, sashimi grade tuna and many other things that a well to do family would buy to feed a family. There are two of them but their boyfriends are over a lot. I don’t agree with my husband’s choice to not put them on a college budget. He complains about our budget not be met and how we need to cut back. Our budget meaning: he, myself and 3 young girls.</p>
<p>I think the dad is doing his best to make sure they never fully grow into adults. From what you’ve said here, they have zero personal responsibility and his hovering is doing nothing but enabling this.</p>
<p>That’s what I have said. He’s afraid if he allows them a certain amount at the store and to shop alone, they will spend their money before the month is up. I suggested if they do they eat Ramon noodles. Of course he says he could never do that and I would never do that to the 3 younger girls that are 5 years from college.
I am learning so much from this forum. It’s nice to hear how other’s help their children grow.</p>
<p>He also says their responsibility is they are learning to live alone and are growing up because they live on their own and not at home. However, they are not living at home because they stole all the money from their little sisters piggy banks and from my purse multiple times. Regardless of that they need to be responsible for budgeting more than the 150 they each get in cash. That is suppose to be for gas, clothes, eating out etc… He said they can’t budget that so he must accompany them to the store. I say give them each $400 a month and let them budget it wisely hopeful saving some for trips they want to make with friends. He said if they blow it he would have to give them more. It hurts my heart to see them not getting the chance to learn.</p>
<p>To avoid this with your younger children, I’d start going over budgets with them asap. Get them small bank accounts when you can so they can budget small sums of money. Make them do the grocery shopping once in a while so they understand how much things cost. Encourage some type of part time job in high school. </p>
<p>Personally, I don’t think there’s much you can do at this stage but cut them off. They clearly never learned responsibility and aren’t learning it now. How long does he plan on letting them mooch off of him? </p>
<p>Personally, as a 22 year old, I’d be very embarrassed to be that dependent on my parents.</p>
<p>The thing is, it would be an easy lesson for them to learn if the father wasn’t enabling them. If they ran out of food halfway through the month I bet they learn to budget a bit better the next month.</p>
<p>If you’re paying room and board, car insurance, phone, and groceries, it doesn’t sound like kicking them out of the house wasn’t much of a punishment. I’d love to have been punished that way when I was a kid =D Although, I suppose that’s something that your husband needs to hear, rather than yourself.</p>
<p>If your husband can’t trust them to budget $300, then they aren’t learning to live as adults, and they really shouldn’t have to go on a trip with dad in order to get enough groceries to last the month. I can’t see many other options than just forcing them to budget. Perhaps, if they were budgeting their own money, they would be more responsible with it. Unless there are extenuating circumstances (a disability, etc), no matter what anyone says, they can handle a job in addition to 12 credits at a community college, and you CAN make her work by not giving her money for food or paying her phone bill.</p>
<p>Also, there are people who had everything paid for and were still very successful adults. But it depends on the kid. There are also many other people who had everything paid for and were unsuccessful adults. They’re not learning to be adults because they’re not responsible for anything. They don’t HAVE to be adults, so they aren’t.</p>
<p>I’m sorry for your situation because I can tell it must be frustrating for you. All I can do is recommend that you give them a budget and make them stick to it. Don’t bail them out if they run out of money (or give them a box of ramen and some frozen chicken nuggets). They’ll either learn to live on it, or they’ll budget their money better next month. Alternatively, you can have them work for their own grocery and spending money. You could pay for rent and transportation (car insurance), and have them pay for their phone (or reimburse you, if they’re on the family plan) and groceries out of their own money. They’ve shown no indication of being able to support themselves in the future, and you don’t want to have to pay their bills until they get around to it.</p>
<p>Your husband needs a course in parenting the young adult. Did HE rely on his parents to support his every need when he was your older daughters’ ages? Did he attend college? Did he work at least part time? What did he pay for? What did his parents pay for? Ask him these questions and really reflect on the answers and how he feels about his life during that time. If he lived off of his parents, then I can understand why he is enabling his daughters now. If not, does he feel he learned how to budget, pay bills in a timely manner, etc? Why is he babying the daughters? He probably feels guilty or whatever about divorce, remarriage, etc, but he needs to get over that. He will have those girls living off of him forever! What goals in life do the older daughters have? Do they WANT to have to live tied to their father all the time for everything? Do they want to be successful, strong, accomplished women? They won’t get there the way they are going right now. People certainly won’t think of them as successful at anything but mooching off of others. Encourage your husband to really reflect on how he learned to live on his own responsibly…and seek professional guidance if need be!
My oldest D is just turning 20. She lives on campus. We pay college costs including room and board, and she pays everything else…personal items, clothes, car needs (we will cover major repairs and insurance) like tires and gas, trips she wants, etc. She works every summer full time, and works on campus during the year. She has had one job or another since she was 17, and proud of it. I don’t worry about her, because she is already showing us that she knows how to work hard and stand on her own two feet. She has a checking account, debit card with NO OVERDRAFT allowed on the account, and a low credit balance credit card for emergencies and to establish credit. She is on our health insurance, but is paying a couple small bills that weren’t covered after a recent ER visit. They won’t kill her to pay, and even though I could just pay it, I want her to get a sense of even how much a stupid visit to the ER can take out of your wallet!
Life is full of tough lessons, but coddling doesn’t allow for mistakes to learn from!</p>