My college roommate is a very light sleeper. Every night he sleeps with earplugs in, wearing a face mask, and has a noise maker besides him. I do not make any noises throughout the night, aside from switching sleeping positions. Any little noise will wake him up. Recently, my college roommate has had difficulties with his sleep quality. Unfortunately, he has blamed his inability to sleep enough on me. He goes to bed a little later than I do. However, I wake up about 1-1.5 hours earlier than he does, because I work out every morning at the fitness center. I am very considerate when I leave in the morning. I lay out everything I need for the next morning before I go to sleep. When I wake up (by a vibration alarm on my phone) I simply get out of bed, grab my stuff, and open/close the door, then leave. Also, my bed is right next to the door and his is on the opposite side of the room. I’m very quiet. However, my roommate is saying that he is being woken up by me getting up, even though I’m moving in the room for only 30 seconds and not using any light or sound in doing so. Our room is a fairly large double dorm room. However, he has never had his sleep disturbed from me leaving the room early in the past- this problem has just emerged. I believe that this is his problem, and that he might have a sleep condition. Normally, someone would be able to fall back asleep if awoken. However, he’s telling me that once he is woken up/has his sleep disrupted when I get up, he cannot fall back asleep. He’s very frustrated with it and says it’s really negatively affecting him. I don’t want to change my entire workout routine because of this, especially since I believe I’m not in the wrong. But he demands that I wake up at the same time as him and not earlier, or that he moves into a single room next semester that is part of my suite that’s currently occupied. He’s a very light sleeper and it’s very unfortunate that any little sound will keep him up and unable to return to sleep. He believes that his sleep difficulties are triggered by me when I get up in the morning, but I believe that he has a sleep condition that is causing him to not fall back asleep despite an empty and comfortable room when I leave. Honestly- he seems to have many issues and a lot of thoughts in his head overwhelming him. However, I’m as considerate as possible when I leave in the morning, and I believe that any other roommate in his circumstance would not wake up from me, and if they did wake up, they’d be able to return to sleep again. I’d appreciate any advice on this. This is a difficult situation. I want to be nice, but also stand strong myself given the importance of my morning routine. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Suggestions on this situation would be awesome.
Have you suggested your roommate to go to bed earlier (around the same time as you) and thus could wake up when you are up?
If what you said is true, then I think you are quite considerate and have done what you can do in this situation. Maybe your roommate moving to a single’s room is a better idea.
Suggest your roommate go to bed at the same time you do, or support his request for a single room.
These are all great thus far. I’d love to hear more suggestions/thoughts!
You have rights in the room too, and one of them is the right to get up when you want to and quietly leave the room to go to the fitness center - or wherever else you want.
It would appear that you are doing what you can to show consideration. He does not get to tell you when to go to sleep and when to wake up. This is his problem to worry about. If this is his biggest problem in life, he is a very lucky student.
I agree with the above responses. However, since you are asking for other suggestions, I would try to reach some sort of compromise and exercise early every other day. This would at least show your roommate that you are taking his feelings into consideration and attempting to work with him on it (though it appears you have been very considerate based on your post).
^I disagree, respectfully. The OP has the right to get up early, especially in order to work out! That’s really important. My only suggestion is to talk to your RA about it.
I agree, esp considering our body’s circadian rhythm, it is a lot easier and healthier to get up at the similar time daily than every other day.
Sharing a room needs compromises, to me, It is a “win-win” for the light sleeper to go to bed earlier like the OP.
As you describe your morning routine, you are already being very considerate of your roommate. It is not within his rights to demand you get up later so you aren’t up before him. If something needs to change, it can be his routine so that he goes to bed earlier around the time that you do.
He has unrealistic expectations of you and is making demands that are not things you should have to do. I would support his request to move into a single.
Would putting up a folding screen help at all, or is it the noise? is there any way to dampen the sound of the door clicking shut, such as by adding a little piece of rubber or anything?
I agree with the others that it sounds like you are being considerate and this is his issue as an extraordinarily light sleeper and as such he is the one who should be adjusting his schedule (by going to sleep when you do) and not the other way around. Also, may be ask him if he wants to go to the gym with you. Working out may help him with his sleep issues. I also agree with keeping your RA in the loop and asking the RA for any suggestions. Even if the RA doesn’t have any ideas, at least he won’t be blindsided if the issue escalates later on.
One question I have is that if he’s so super sensitive, how can he ever get any sleep? Surely there are kids in the hall or outside that create noise that is actually louder in your room than the amount of noise you make by quietly changing and leaving the room.
There is some level of noise that is just normal and acceptable when sharing a room.
I think it’s totally unreasonable to miss a workout because the roommate is a light sleeper. What if was an early class?
If this roommate is such a light sleeper, he needs to move into a single.
I also agree that he needs to go to bed earlier if he wants more sleep.
Agree with most of the above. As long as you are being as quiet and considerate as possible, there is nothing wrong with you waking up when you want. It’s unreasonable for him to dictate your wake up time. Sounds like he should talk to campus housing regarding the availability of singles.
Sounds like you are doing everything reasonably possible to accomodate your roommate. It is his problem at this point. Support him in trying to find a single. He won’t be satisfied unless he has that single.
I’d talk to the dorm RA about this. Sounds like he will start to affect your state of mind, if he hasn’t already. This could bleed over into your academic life. You do need to address this ASAP.
I think the roommate is unreasonable but the OP asked for other suggestions than the ones that were ALREADY suggested. I never stated that the OP should skip his workouts (getting up early every other day vs. not so early does not equate to skipping a workout). I suggested showing that he is ATTEMPTING to work things out with his roommate by trying to reach a compromise. In no way do I think the OP is wrong here (based on the info he provided). Someone else mentioned talking to his RA about it and that’s great advice.
Support your roommate’s decision to request the single room.
I would work together with the administration to help them get a single in the future. You’re not being unreasonable, but some people are just really light sleepers and can’t go back to sleep- both me and my younger daughter are that way, and my husbands military schedule hasn’t been friendly to me at all. I don’t think you should have to change anything if you’re considerate- and it sounds like you are- but they really can’t control being a light sleeper either.
He already has the solution. Why are you even asking? He should get the single.
I’m wondering if your roommate is very stressed and blaming you. Or if he wants that single and is lobbying for it.
Your routine and consideration level are fine. Keep on doing what you are doing and just be courteous to the roommate. It will work itself out.
He says he will move into “a single that is part of your current suite that is currently occupied.” When will the single become available?
Agree that his light sleeping is his own concern (given your attempts at accommodation) and you could invite him to adopt your schedule for a week to see if things improve.
He’s not in a position to demand either of these things. What he can do is acknowledge that you two aren’t a good fit and ask residential life if they can find him a new space.
Unless you want to be forced to move you need to let him be the one to take it up with res life. He won’t be able to force the other student in your suite out of the single, so he may have to look at other options. Don’t involve yourself in his discussions with the residential life office. It’s not your job to find a solution for him.