common app essay (648 words) too long?

<p>I know the common app says 250-500, and I know it bothers admission counselors to go over that limit. However, I have edited my essay several times cutting down the words each time. It used be 850 words, and if I cut it down anymore I'm afraid it will ruin the essence of the essay. If the essay is good, do you think it will be a problem if I send it as is? </p>

<p>The schools I'm applying to are:
Northwestern University
Northeastern University
Loyola Marymount University
Fordham University
Boston University
University of Miami
Pomona
Stanford University</p>

<p>I'm also open to any suggestions for cutting it down (I'll send it to anyone willing to look at it).</p>

<p>I highly recommend you cut it down to within 500 words, especially since your list includes selective colleges. To further edit your essay, read each word/sentence aloud and ask yourself if you delete it, does it change your essay? Does it add to who you are for admissions? Make your essay better, be brave and remove all those wonderful words you took so long to write but really don’t do anything for your essay.</p>

<p>Hope this helps. Best of luck!</p>

<p>Maybe this link will help you…</p>

<p>[College</a> Application Tips: Perfecting the College Personal Essay - ABC News](<a href=“College Application Tips: Tackling the Personal Essay - ABC News”>College Application Tips: Tackling the Personal Essay - ABC News)</p>

<p>Yes it too long</p>

<p>I agree that it is too long. My essay is at 530 words right now and it has taken me a long time to get it that far down, but I’m still trying to cut 30 more words.</p>

<p>Mine was 700 words. I was worried about this problem too, so I emailed an admission officer of Middlebury and he told me it was fine and he could go more than that.</p>

<p>Definitely better off cutting it down to 500. Better safe than sorry. That’s my opinion</p>

<p>@wwhhx: I did the same thing except I asked at a more selective school and they highly recommended I keep it within the word limit. My personal take is that if you write it in size 12, Times New Roman font, and it falls with in 1 page single spaced. It should be okay.</p>

<p>You better cut it down :(</p>

<p>I would suggest cutting it down. Getting to around 500-550 would be safer. Also, your essay won’t be getting much more than a couple of minutes so you really don’t want a situation where the reader has to skim even more quickly than they already do. </p>

<p>There are always ways to cut down. Simplicity is the ultimate form of sophistication. Be concise and selective with your words.</p>

<p>Way too long. No excuses for that length really. I’d say the max is 550 like others said but under 500 is a very very good idea. Ad coms HATE long essays!</p>

<p>If possible, please suggest where I can cut it down. Here’s a copy of it: </p>

<p>The Yakuza Man</p>

<p>Drugs, guns, gambling and prostitution. This is business to the Yakuza, yet crime to society.</p>

<p>Coming off the plane from Seattle, a thought took over my mind, one that made me nervous to my stomach. What would come of me here? I, and four of my school friends, had just landed in Japan to stay at our friend Ichi’s house. The same friend who told us years ago that his father was an ex-member of the Yakuza, a notorious Japanese crime syndicate. In just a few minutes, we would meet the man that had quite the reputation at our school. </p>

<p>There was tension in the air as we walked out of the airport. There he was, a small man no more than 5’2” with black hair combed to the side and a beard that was noticeably well-groomed. I felt like a giant next to him, yet felt somewhat powerless. My friend introduced us to him in Japanese. He looked up at us curiously, replied and bowed with his hands behind his back. He seemed to hold such great presence and poise. </p>

<p>After arriving at his home, we noticed a picture on the wall of him and two other men naked with their backs facing the camera. An irreversible colorful tattoo completely covered their entire body showing their Yakuza allegiance. </p>

<p>Later, I learned my friend and his family were Shinto. Each morning at six we were told to get up and seat ourselves on bent legs in a room dedicated solely for prayer. Fruit, other foods and plants were placed on a table to represent the different spirits of nature. The sounds of gongs and harmonious chants, and the smell of incense and evergreen all came together to create a symphony of prayer that was nothing like I had ever experienced. All of the disorder and commotion from the outside world was suddenly replaced by the quiet serenity of the moment. This unique symphony created a peacefulness within me. Looking around, I noticed my friends were experiencing something similar. We did not expect to find inner peace at the house of a Yakuza.</p>

<p>During our stay, we waited…waited for some further indication that he was still a Yakuza. Drugs? No. Guns? No. Prostitutes? No. Maybe a samurai sword? Not even. Everything we witnessed contradicted our Mafia stereotypes. Our friend’s father was a devout Shinto, owned an architectural business and had a wife, three sons and a daughter. Though our friend’s father walked around with his shirt off showing his intricate tattoo, he was as normal as any father or businessman. </p>

<p>Though we were stubborn in our beliefs, I don’t blame ourselves. Society defines what gangsters and mafia members are like. Playing video games and watching movies about the Mafia, we never questioned the actions and characteristics that define the Yakuza. We even accepted the idea that once you’ve been indoctrinated into the mafia, you can’t get out. My friend’s father could or could not be a Yakuza, I don’t think I’ll ever know. But this doesn’t really matter because, either way, to me, he’s still the same responsible father. </p>

<p>After my visit, I realized you have to give people the benefit of the doubt and not judge them too soon. People should define who they are, not society. A drug lord could be a gentleman and an educated man could be a jerk. Years later, I even learned the Yakuza donated a large portion of money for the relief effort in Japan after the tsunami. Since my visit, I’ve never looked at people the same way. I treat everyone I meet equally giving them a chance to speak and act for themselves. This lesson has become a part of me and something I’ll carry for the rest of my life. And this Yakuza man will never know the influence he’s had on me.</p>

<p>Also, I have written another college essay which is under 500 words, but which I don’t think is as good. I was thinking I could possibly use that for the personal essay and then stick this one in the additional information section. Do you think that’s a bad idea? Any input helps. Thanks.</p>

<p>I personally think it depends on the school. To be honest, as soon as yours is under 1 page single spaced or 2 pages double spaced, I highly doubt they will notice. I asked multiple counselors and some said they highly recommend keeping it 500 words or under and some say they actually love reading essays and really don’t mind.</p>

<p>@danny I just read your essay and I think it is really good. I personally don’t see a way to cut it down. I think you should just leave it the way it is.</p>

<ol>
<li>I have to disagree with Strafer. You can definitely cut this essay down. In addition, you have several grammatical errors that need to be addressed. In paragprah 1, the sentence that begins with “The same friend who told us…crime syndicate.” This is not a complete sentence. It is a sentence fragment. “I, and four of my friends” should read Four friends and I. “Maybe a samurai sword?” - also a sentence fragment.</li>
</ol>

<p>Now for shortening the essay. </p>

<p>Drugs, guns, gambling and prostitution are the business of the Yakuza. This thought consumed my mind as the plane landed in Japan. Ichi, our classmate had often told the five of us about his father, an ex-member of the Yakuza, a notorious Japanese crime syndicate.<br>
The tension in the airport air was palpable before our encounter with this legendary figure. Then, there he was, a mere 5’2" neatly groomed man. I felt like a giant next to him, yet felt somewhat powerless. My friend introduced us to him in Japanese. He looked up at us curiously, replied and bowed with his hands behind his back. He held such great presence and poise. </p>

<p>Word count on these two paragraphs just went from 181 (your essay) to 112 (my revision). Keep working on this. It is possible to shorten this essay even more.</p>

<p>Strafer thank you for your input, I’m going to try to stay within one page single spaced. </p>

<p>@Jozuko Thank you very much. With your help I got it down to 550, but I’m still having trouble. I don’t how to do it without changing what I want to say. But I’m still trying.</p>

<ol>
<li>if you would like to PM me with your latest version, I will take a look at it</li>
</ol>

<p>503…I sent you a PM</p>

<p>@jozuko I can’t PM you back because I don’t have 15 posts. But I’ll just say my reply here:</p>

<p>Wow you beat me to it. I got it down to 530 words when you sent this. I really appreciate it. I’m going to try and incorporate some of my words into yours though and add the title which is three words. Thanks again. You are a great writer.</p>

<ol>
<li>I’m glad that I could help. Yes, of course, incorporate your own words (I tried to stick to yours as much as I could). This is your essay. I just wanted to show you that it could be done. Sometimes, we get so attached to our own writing that it is difficult to part with anything. Good luck. Get to your 15 posts and PM me when you get your acceptances. I would love to hear how it all works out for you.</li>
</ol>