<p>So I had to get started on my college application stuff because I'm applying to schools early, and I decided to do the common application one. I just wrote down everything that went through my head all at once, so the essay's extremely rough and way too long (I want to cut down about half of the words eventually - it's 1000 now). </p>
<p>I'd appreciate it if you guys could read it over as people who don't know me, and point out where I can really cut out a bunch of stuff that's unnecessary. Here's the draft:</p>
<p>Option #1. Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.</p>
<p>Step one: Wake up. The BEEP of my iPhone alarm breaks the blissful silence of sleep. As the screen illuminates the dark room, I rub my eyes, still dazed. To the rest of my friends, its dawn. To me, this is the start of a new day. Clumsily getting changed, I stumble down the steps, still trying to find my balance before grabbing a bite to eat. </p>
<p>Step two: Pool time. Its still dark out, but Ive gotten used to the yelling of Coach as he tries to get shivering me into the water. Everything seems to move in slow motion as I leap into the pool, dreading the moment my body finally makes contact with the seemingly arctic water. Splash. Immediately that drowsy sensation leaves my body as the frigid water jolts every one of my nerves. The water transforms me into Michael Li the swimmer. No longer timid, I devour whatever workout Coach throws at me. The next two hours is my time to get better, to get stronger, to get faster. The next two hours, there is one thing on my mind: to train hard until my arms are too tired to lift my aching body out of the pool. </p>
<p>Step three: Repeat only three hundred days left. This is swimming, the sport that Ive grown up with since I was five. Sounds painful? It is. But by the time I entered high school, I had grown used to this cycle. I had grown used to lying down in my bed; thinking about what swimming has and will do for me. Anything would be worth it to get that adrenaline-fueled feeling of slamming that touchpad in the pool, looking up at the scoreboard to see that number one by my name, and screaming in ecstasy as the crowd roars and my teammates jump along the side of the pool deck in celebration of the special performance that finally happened because of my hard work. Sounds spectacular? It is. That euphoric feeling kept me loving the sport since I started. But what happens after failure? </p>
<p>Rewind to my first year in high school. The big race has finally come. Championships. My last chance to make that National time cut Ive been reaching towards for two years. I havent done well in any previous races for a while, so that time cut always seemed to taunt me from less than a second away. But right now, none of that matters. Its time to do something special. I hit the touchpad. Look up. Again, the taunting. Disappointment expands in me like a balloon, filling me up rapidly, starting from my stomach until Im too sick to even think. I hate this sport. Im just not good. </p>
<p>When I was fifteen, my swimming performance hit a long plateau in a sport where improving is everything. The plateau hit me like a freight train. It took all the fun out of swimming, and caused doubt to obscure the path to my goals. I began to fear diving into a race instead of relishing it, all because I feared disappointment. Everything that used to ignite a fire in me began to work against me. My passion for competition and victory used to make swimming fun. But now, with passion hidden behind a wall of insecurity, I struggled to find the confident Michael Li the swimmer, who I had come to know so well. Practices were no longer an adventure to become a better athlete but instead, a pointless ordeal. Imagine how difficult it would be to wake up everyday and practice, hours before sunrise. Now imagine how much more difficult that would be if all thats in the back of your mind is: Im not going to improve even if I do this. It felt like there was a pile of bricks suffocating me, preventing me from physically moving or mentally becoming motivated. Soon enough, the swimming plateau began to affect my life outside the pool. My enthusiasm for everything in life was noticeably dampened, and for good reason. Something I had always remembered as a cherished haven to fall back to during bad times had been stolen from me. Something I had always loved to do, competitively, or just as a way to pass time, had been torn away. Is this the end of my ten-year swimming career?</p>
<p>Looking back, I wasnt thinking. I was young, I was immature, and I was anxious. I had never thought, I havent started growing a lot like those other kids my age, but I can still keep up with them. Or, Im training everyday like those other kids, but Im also ranking top in my classes and getting straight As. Are they doing that? Or, Im traveling across the state for debating tournaments, and staying extra hours after school for the Economics Club and Math League. Maybe as a freshman, I still need time to adapt to my busier life. No, none of those thoughts crossed my mind. That was the problem, because those were my problems. Regardless, I kept practicing, I kept training, and I kept racing. </p>
<p>Fast forward to the end of my sophomore year. The big race has finally come, yet again. Championships. Its that crucial time again, my last chance of the season to get that National cut thats been taunting me for almost four years now. I hit the touchpad. Look up. Suddenly, nothing else seems to matter as I raise a single fist and punch the air, splashing water all around me. I can barely see, hear, or think. But I can feel. Happiness. Finally. Its that adrenaline-fueled feeling Ive worked so hard for, and dreamed of for so long. Oh, how Ive missed you. </p>
<p>In the end, something kept me going through that plateau. In retrospect, maybe it was my coach, actually yelling at me to KEEP GOING!!! during every practice. But maybe it was something else. There was always a glimmer of determination within me when I awoke, breaking those metaphoric bricks on my chest. After all, I did manage to get up. Everyday. There is nothing I am more proud of doing than persevering. I was always one of those cynical kids who made snide remarks when I heard someone say, Anything can be done if you work hard. Now I couldnt be a bigger advocate. Because, anything can be done with a little hard work, determination, and belief. BEEP! Guess its time to wake up again. </p>
<p>Now that you've read all that (sorry sorry, I know it was super long), I was wondering:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Is the topic okay? I feel like most people write about what they want to do when they grow up, or they write about something that has something to do with academics (science, math, internship, etc.), but at the moment in my life I don't feel like I could write a very good essay on that stuff. I'm applying early decision to Wharton and early action to MIT, where I'm getting letters of recommendation and maybe a likely from Penn for swimming - would writing my long essay on swimming be repetitive? And what about other schools, especially the schools I'm applying regular. I haven't had the time to contact the coaches there. If I can't get a word from the coaches at, let's say, Georgetown, and I apply regular, will it look bad to have written a full essay on swimming?</p></li>
<li><p>One of my friends who read the essay said at first the topic was probably going to be kind of bland. He thought I was writing about the cycle of starting a sport, wanting to get better, working hard, and finally getting better. What I was actually going for was how I started off good, hit a plateau around freshman year for a pretty long time, which was incredibly discouraging because I would always think my efforts were futile. The struggle was forcing myself to stay in the sport and stay diligent, and finally the result was me breaking through again. Was that clear from the essay or should I try to highlight that more?</p></li>
<li><p>I just wanted to know if this part made sense:</p></li>
</ol>
<p>"Looking back, I wasnt thinking. I was young, I was immature, and I was anxious. I had never thought, I havent started growing a lot like those other kids my age, but I can still keep up with them. Or, Im training everyday like those other kids, but Im also ranking top in my classes and getting straight As. Are they doing that? Or, Im traveling across the state for debating tournaments, and staying extra hours after school for the Economics Club and Math League. Maybe as a freshman, I still need time to adapt to my busier life. No, none of those thoughts crossed my mind. That was the problem, because those were my problems."</p>
<p>I sent it to another friend on my team and he didn't understand the last line with the "problems". I was going for the idea that as a Freshman, I didn't think about factors like not going through my growth spurt, or being unused to the more tiring schedule of high school, etc affecting my plateau. And it was a "problem" that i wasn't thinking about that, because "those" (as in not growing, being tired and more busy than before) were the "problems" causing my plateau in the first place.</p>
<p>Anyways, thanks a lot guys. Any criticism is greatly appreciated.</p>