Common app transfer essay... critique please :)

<p>I haven't taken an English class in awhile and I feel like my ability to write a good essay has gone <em>poof</em>. So if you could, please edit my essay, and BE HARSH! Feel free to completely tear my essay apart, but if you do, then PLEASE provide suggestions on how I can improve it, or else it's not very helpful!
PM me please! thanks :)</p>

<p>Info:
Hoping to transfer from the University of Georgia to Vanderbilt or William & Mary (yikes... stretch schools...)</p>

<p>I can take a look if you want. PM me and I'll give you my email address, and I'll give a strong critique.</p>