Common Application Essay - Risky Topic?

<p>I think the essay is well written, but depending on the readers (who are supposed to be completely open-minded but will likely have biases) the topic of the essay could pose a problem. The essay is about me and it describes a part of my development that has become a big part of my identity. I tried to be non-offensive, but I certainly did not censor/omit any points I wanted to make for the purpose of being non-controversial.</p>

<p>Here it is: Any advice is appreciated </p>

<p>When it comes to finding truth, I have observed two different methods on which people base their worldview: faith and science. Not only do they inform beliefs, but they characterize very different mindsets. Each is the antithesis of the other, so I believe my transition between them represented a significant shift in identity.</p>

<p>I grew up with religion as an important part of my childhood. My family attended church nearly every Sunday, where I soaked up everything I was told, including the literal creation myths that formed my beliefs on the origins of the universe and of humankind. My entire worldview was drawn from my religion, from my purpose in life to the life beyond death. However, when I was about twelve years old, I was plagued by doubts, and with them a crippling fear of death and the void that lies beyond. My internal dissonance came to a head one New Year’s Eve. In tears, I confronted my mother with questions about death. She didn’t know how to respond, so the preacher was invited to our house to answer my questions about god, the afterlife, our origins, and how we could know of such things at all. On the last point, I was told to simply have faith, as if really believing something would make it true. When he was finished, I was no more certain about anything than when he began. How could I, when we were discussing the unknowable? His apologetics had failed to suppress my doubts. Thus, I soon identified faith as belief independent of evidence or reason, and abandoned the faith-based worldview.</p>

<p>My dismissal of faith led to the need for a different foundation of a new outlook. That’s where science came in. Previously, I regarded science as simply a body of facts about the natural world, but upon a deeper examination, I discovered that science is also a process for gaining knowledge and understanding. With this concept came new revelations on the scientific method, which I recognized as having clear advantages over faith. Faith demands rigid certainty, while science only allows tentative beliefs subject to change in the face of new knowledge. In science, the only sacred truth is that there are no sacred truths. Unlike faith, science is bound by standards of evidence, resulting in a proven methodology that yields results, as evidenced by the technology that supports this civilization. I was thoroughly impressed by the contrast between science and faith, and adopted a new attitude of skepticism. Science answered my questions on our origins, and prompted me to conclude that nothing followed death, yet mysteries remained. In the wake of this transition, new challenges arose around issues of purpose, morality, and free will. Such questions no longer troubled me, however, as a sense of peace grew from the fact that I was investing in the knowable.</p>

<p>I now have a deep respect for science. Not just the facts, but more importantly the method. I believe this transition is the greatest thing humanity ever had. It certainly is the greatest thing I ever had. I was blind, but now I see the world with new eyes, and for that, I am extremely grateful.</p>

<p>What do you think?</p>

<p>First of all, you’re awesome for making this transition and taking the steps towards a life of knowledge, science, and truth rather than faith. You’re already leaps and bounds ahead of so many. </p>

<p>Regarding the essay, the topic is fine to write about because you keep it personal to yourself and avoid being preachy and offensive to those stuck to their faiths. You don’t argue.</p>

<p>So in that light, shine something more personal on it. You sound rigid and analytic. Tell a story, describe a scene that was important in this transition, or symbolize this transition. You’re telling about the entire transition, when you need to show it.</p>

<p>Three issues: never post your essay. Aywhere. Next, you want to use “show not tell.” Ie, not expecting a reviewer to take it on your word or as series of pronouncements. In that respect, I agree with 5lbs that you need to tell a tale, “show” your evolution and, tangible results for the better.</p>

<p>Last, I’m not sure renouncing “faith” in favor of science is as open-minded as it may seem, even in the U context. Ideally, in the personal statement, reviewers can glean your personal qualities and strengths, and more. What strengths and plusses do you feel you show here- the ones adcoms will want for their college? So, think about it.</p>

<p>I think the essay could use more detail, you know - showing not telling. I’m already slightly over the word limit though, and I don’t want to cut out any of the essay. Suggestions?</p>

<p>I think this topic is too risky. there are a few topics which you should stay away from in college essays and religion is one of them. once in a while it’s okay when it simply focuses on your beliefs and how they’ve affected you without denouncing other beliefs. in this essay though, you do denounce the idea of religion in general (I know you didn’t mean to, but it still comes off that way).</p>

<p>personally, I feel like you’re implying that religion in general is just based on close-mindedness and a refusal to see evidence in general, and I was a bit offended by the conclusion. And you’re free to feel that way, but it wouldn’t be surprising if a few adcoms found this essay offensive. Just to be clear, I am NOT interested in starting a religious debate here, but IMO, submit this essay at your own risk.</p>

<p>Often, kids think it’s impressive to go on about now they understand life or now they found the key to success or whatever. Unless a kid has unusually sophisticated writing skills, the effect can range from pompous to shallow.</p>

<p>Your family’s official “faith” may not be your cup of tea- but there is much in life that we “take on faith.” So, try to make your personal statement a nice, humble, effective tale of some challenge and how you evolved for the better. Show, not tell.</p>

<p>Throw this one out and restart (the ideas are in your head, but don’t be chained to the version.)</p>

<p>You write well, and you have a lot of material. I didn’t find it offensive at all. If someone does, you don’t want to be at that school. Right? But the best way to show your passion is to focus on a small moment - tell a story about yourself that illustrates what you want them to know about you. That is what I was told when I was applying to undergraduate school, and it was good advice. What do you want the admissions committee to know about you when they read your essay? Tell them in a story about you that focuses on one moment. You’ll see… it will help you stand out and make the admissions people want to admit you.</p>