CommonApp Essay Help

<p>Well, Im having trouble coming up with a really good statement. I have a few ideas I would like feedback on. People have told me they look for diversity, but I have none. Im trying to take an eccentric approach to these statements. The schools Im interested in are MIT (reach), University of Miami (Honors medical), Johns Hopkins (BME), Cooper Union, NYU, etc.
Here are the following ideas and where I would go with them-</p>

<p>Writing how one summer it fell on me to attend services at an Orthodox synogague every morning so they could make minyan and a mourner could say kaddish, on how these nine people depended on me every day to show up.</p>

<p>Writing about an annual 2 day car trip from south Florida to Pennsylvania to attend meets of the Train Collectors Association, and how it helped me bond with my father.</p>

<p>On how I spent last Thanksgiving camping in a tent pitched in front of a Best Buy with my father so we could be first in line the next morning to purchase a laptop on sale that was limited to 100 units, how even though there were many other places I would have rather been, I made the concession because I wanted to repay him for all the sacrifices hes made for me.</p>

<p>bump......</p>

<p>those all seem like they could be great essays depending on how you like them. personally i like the minyan thing that sounds cool.</p>

<p>AW, I love the Best buy one. I've seen tents pitched in front of Best Buy on a special sales day and wondered who those people were.. :P</p>

<p>I like the first one, the others might be heading down Elm Street (AKA sappy... hahahahah man. I'm like so... funny). Don't try to be eccentric, just be yourself, unless you're like super boring then, be "yourself." Talk about some good advice.</p>

<p>I think the best buy one will make a good story..but the message needs to be less sappy/cliche. If you can think of another story like that, an event that you enjoyed maybe, it may make a better essay.</p>

<p>I'm confused about the specifics of the first topic, but from what I see, it could be good if it's not already mentioned in the rest of the application.</p>

<p>Whatever you end up writing about, remember Strunk and White</p>

<p>
[quote]
Prefer the specific to the general, the definite to the vague, the concrete to the abstract. If those who have studied the art of writing are in accord on any one point, it is this: the surest way to arouse and hold the readers attention is by being specific, definite, and concrete. The greatest writers — Homer, Dante, Shakespeare — are effective largely because they deal in particulars and report the details that matter.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>i think the idea of the minyan is really good...i did that too when i used to live in venezuela and its a great experience that not a lot of ppl have...
i think that if you are a good writer you could make that into a good essay, but i cant think of a way to approach it...
i would make sure that you explain the importance of being the 10th person and how big of a mitzvah it is...
good luck and i would talk to a teacher to guide you in your writing...</p>

<p>I just wanted to thank everyone for your input.</p>