<p>My ex and I broke up almost a year ago. We are both typical over achievers. We do a lot of the same activities so have collaborated on many projects--and sometimes it's not so pretty but we have managed to keep it civil by just pretending as if the other person doesn't exist (immature but effective). This year, we both ran for Vice President of Student Council. Thankfully, I won and I was ecstatic because I love SC. However, VP is voted on by just the council while this coming year (our senior year) President is voted on by our class. The problem is he is a lot more popular than I am, and he refuses to back down. I dont want to lose when I have (I am sorry for the unintended arrogance that this statement will invoke) put in so much more work than he has just because I am less popular.
My ex does literally everything--clubs, sports, summer programs, expected Valedictorian, the whole shebang. So, when we were dating we made a deal that he would let me be class pres. Now that we've gone through a nasty, awkward break up he is not honoring that promise (obviously).
I've wanted to be Class President since I was in elementary school, I want to give the speech at graduation (which he will get to give regardless since he will be Valedictorian), I want to be in charge of SC and I want to organize future reunions. I know, however, that he just wants to put it on his college app.
What is your guys advice on how to deal with this situation? I would really like to talk it through with him but he will not speak to me in person since we broke up about anything even mildly serious. This issue is very important to me and I understand he wants a strong app but being class president will not make or break either of our applications.
I respect him immensely and will continue trying to be decent to him on this matter but his condescending attitude is frustrating.</p>
<p>No one (a bf or anyone else) OWES you the favor of allowing you to be class president (or stepping out of the way so you can run for it with a better chance of winning). You should not have ever asked for or accepted that deal to start with (where is your self respect?). I have also wanted to be a Nobel prize winner my whole life – I will just ask the next physicist in line to step aside so I can claim what is due to me. He has every bit as much of a right to run for it as you do.</p>
<p>Intparent- I have plenty of self respect, thank you. The deal had nothing to do with self respect–it had to do with the division of activities. Which we did do in order to avoid fights, such as this one.
He does have a right to run, just as I had a right to run for the position that he had claimed but chose not to because I knew he wanted it.
The comparison between Nobel Prize winner and Class President is weak. Nobel Prize winner is a merit based system while Class President is a popularity contest. At my school, SC is not accredited for their work and who does the work is not very widely known.
Quite frankly, I find your post offensive and crass. I am looking for advice, not a lecture. This an issue that I have been struggling with for months and I thought that I would perhaps get some open opinions here. I ruined my past relationship with this boy, and he has been taking advantage of my regret ever since. He knows and understands that I care deeply about him so he has used this to advantage. It was by chance that I ran for VP against him. I was planning on stepping aside, but I was nominated. He has worked very hard this year–but not for SC and I resent that he might get a position he does not deserve because he is in sports and has a pretty face.
This is high school. Not the Nobel Prizes. He can run if he wants, I can’t stop him. This position means the world to me and he knows that. This isn’t about qualifications for him it’s about personal revenge and improving college chances.
Thank you for the lecture, but your post was not welcome and I am highly offended.</p>
<p>Here is my advice, </p>
<p>Stop thinking that you are important enough that he will be “sabotaging” your chance of getting President. Maybe he wanted it too and decided that he originally wouldn’t run because he cared about you and didn’t want to oppose you because he felt that you wanted it more. Now that you guys don’t talk and I am assuming he feels slighted by the breakup, he had no reason not to run because his preventative caring for you does not exist anymore. All you can do and should do it try your best to run against him and win. If you don’t it isn’t his fault and it isn’t “unfair”. He won’t win because of a pretty face and sports. If he does win it is because a majority of people like him more than you. So is that exactly his fault?</p>
<p>Sounds like you dumped on him, and now he figures you deserve some of the same back? In a year this guy will be in your rear view mirror, both of you off at college. In five years you will barely remember who was class president… as you said yourself, it is just a popularity contest. I just am rubbed the wrong way by your post because you sound like you are so entitled to this position. Wanting something your whole life does not make it yours. If you wanted it so badly, you should have worked harder on your own popularity (seriously, if this is what you wanted the most). I am also disdainful of any “divvying up” of activities. That also smacks of some elitism, IMHO. Are there not a few hundred other classmates of yours who might have also wanted these positions? Did you throw them a few crumbs while you were working out your empire together?</p>
<p>Let me ask you this–if this was any other guy than an ex, would you care so much about beating him? Would you? Chances are, probably not. </p>
<p>So just let it go. If he wins, he wins, but it doesn’t look like you can do much anyways, especially if he won’t even talk to you. Being class president might seem like a bid deal to you now, but I’m pretty sure it won’t in two years from now, let alone 20. So what, you won’t get to give a speech. Oh well. Not the end of the world. </p>
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<p>See, you said it yourself. This is high school. Not something that’s extremely important. I understand it’s important to you, but you need to look at the big picture and see this is kinda pointless. There really isn’t much you can do anyways, like I said.</p>
<p>Well, this is an extremely frustrating situation. But are you asking what you can say to make him dropout? As harsh as it comes off, intparent’s post had some truth to it. If you’ve already talked to him about it (he doesn’t want to listen obviously), then I don’t <em>think</em> there’s anything you can do about it. If he wants to run, EVEN if its for such a stupid reason, then you can’t stop him. It’s like trying to get into a top college. Some people will do it for worthy purposes (education, stimulating experience, whatever) while others just want the name. Can you stop them from applying? No. Will the people more deserving always get in? No. I understand, I would be pretty ticked off if I worked hard for something and someone else wins something JUST because they’re more popular/other superficial reasons. But you said it yourself, this is high school. Almost everything is a popularity contest, and believe it or not, life isn’t that fair.</p>
<p>I’m sorry if I happen to offend you in any way, though. This is just my opinion, but maybe there is something you can say to him. Nothing just comes to mind right now.</p>
<p>Thank you, guys. You really put into perspective how stupid this entire thing is. I’m only being slightly sarcastic.
Maybe he does deserve it. People do like him more, and people don’t like me. That is my fault, I should have worked harder on pleasing other people instead of just being myself. And our empire together was pretty foolish, you know? We should have left some “crumbs” for the peasants because dividing up 2 out of 35 clubs was super selfish of us. </p>
<p>In all seriousness, he does deserve to win. I did work hard but so did he. I shouldn’t belittle his accomplishments. This isn’t just high school though, this is a lifetime job that includes planning reunions and in our case keeping tabs on a project we created. This was a stupid thing to ask advice for. It’s just something I really care about and I’m just upset that because people don’t like me and I decided to be an awful person a year ago and ruin my friendship with him, him and I couldn’t even talk about this. </p>
<p>Thanks, really.</p>
<p>“Reaction is a weakness that the strong can not afford.” if you don’t care, he wont</p>